Alahoyus all! There are certain flicks that would fit perfectly in here, but just haven't been reviewed, because I either haven't gotten around to rewatching them for a fresh perspective, or in the case of "Big Trouble" (probably my favorite movie of all time) haven't been put it because I'm waiting for the perfect spot. I've sprinkled classics in with unknown favorites, and horrible masterpieces. High up on my list of best movies of all time comes this unbelievable picture from David Cronenberg. I've always thought about telekinesis, from as early as I can remember. Maybe it was movies or tv shows such as this, or probably it came from years of reading comic books, but I've always been fascinated with telepaths. In this future Scifi/thriller flick, there are a little over 200 scanners in all of the world. And one man is out to destroy them all... or is he? A famous Canadian painter, Patrick McGoohan (warden in Eastwood's Escape from Alcatraz, The Prisoner #6 himself!, and King Edward I from Braveheart), and Michael Ironsides in SCANNERS!!!
This movie has it all. I don't want to ruin it by telling whats really going on, because anyone who reads this blog should definitely seek out a copy of this to own, or rent, or whatever. It has the highest recommendation from me. The basic plot is this: A bum freaks out and is hauled off to a government organization called Consec. At the same time a meeting is taking place about the phenomena of scanners, or telepaths who can control regular humans. One of the most famous scenes happens when a scanner holding the seminar has an audience member come forward to be scanned and is instead scanned himself so hard that his fucking head explodes.
The bum turns out to be an unknown scanner named Cameron Vale. The government has a list of all the scanners on Earth somehow. They have this drug they can give scanners to help them calm the voices in their heads. The agency wants to use Vale to infiltrate the coven of scanners headed by the most powerful one named Darrell Revok. Between the guy Dr. Ruth who invented the drug and helped Cameron, and the new head of security at Consec theres a bunch of backstabbing and people being used for others own ends. I can't really tell anymore without giving too much away. Its really set up and written very well. There are lots of psychic murders, psychic freakouts, car crashes, explosions, manhunts, and other shit that I seem to want out of every movie. The battle at the end is crazy and the outcome is not expected. Not too much more I can say. A bit of a complicated plot twist at the end, but it all works out. Double thumbs up. Belee dat.
"What kind of a thing have I turned in to?"- Ben Grimm/The Thing
"Holy Freud, Batman. I think you're right."- Johnny Storm/Human Torch
Wow. I had always heard about this flick. I remember reading about it in Wizard magazine years ago. I remember when they pumped it like it was actually going to come out. A few months back, my ol buddy Raf dropped a copy into my hands. I did a little research and it turns out the film was never intended for release at all. The very same company and man that co-produced the Fantastic Four and its sequel in 1995 (Bernd Eichinger) and the company he worked for (Constantin Film) was about to lose the rights to produce the flick. They needed 40 million to make it. According to wikipedia, without the funding to make his project, they turned to veteran low budge indie producer Roger Corman to begin production on a film that would act as a franchise holder basically. The fucked up thing about that is, they never told the actors or anyone involved that they never planned on releasing it. The actors even went to Comic conventions signing autographs believing that this flick was actually coming out. Then they pulled the plug at the last minute shelving this one until they had enough bread (ten years later) to make a real "hollywood" flick. Heavy. So, A bunch of television actors, and THE BOY WHO COULD FLY as Johnny Storm!!! in Roger Corman's unreleased film, THE FANTASTIC FOUR!!!
I don't really consider this movie all that bad, considering the kind of movies I usually watch anyway. The story is already there, you already know the basic story if you are familiar at all with the comic, and I would assume those that would want to see a flick like this would be. However, the dialogue is horrible. That being said, Corman really only had a few weeks to put the script together, and then the filming only lasted a month in January of 93. That's not really that bad for the amount of time and the budget that they had. Actually is pretty goddamned amazing.
There were a few weird things though. The story is still the same deal. Reed Richards & Ben Grimm are in college with Victor. They don't tell us his last name, but everywhere says that his last name is Von Doom. I would have assumed that he adopted that after he became Dr. Doom. Otherwise, when he introduces himself as Doom to the Four, wouldn't they have realized who he was, instead of putting two and two together later in the movie? I'm not sure of the actual comic history here, just seemed strange to me. Ok, so there is this comet thing coming and everyone in town is going to see it. Nice cameo here by Commandant Lassard (from Police Academy) as the Professor! Reed and Ben stop by this house to see a little girl Sue and even littler boy Johhny. I don't really know why they went there. I guess just to introduce the characters.
Victor and Reed have a plan to harness the power of the comet, but Victor doesnt listen to Reed, and the thing starts to malfunction spraying lightning all over the room and burning Victor's face off. Ben knocks him out of the way hoping to save his life. Two weird henchmen take him away posing as doctors. No one ever explains why or where they came from, and how he ended up ruling over them later.
Ten years later, Reed and Ben are going to fly away to space with this super diamond. They need a crew, so instead of getting real astronauts, they inexplicably go get Sue and Johnny, their old friends. Somehow this is all cool with NASA or whoever is in charge. Doom makes his first appearance & sends his henchmen to steal the diamond, but he's too late and a sneaky little midget who at first I think is the Mole Man, steals the diamond first. Doom is like, fuck it. The Midget is the Jeweler. Whoever that is. Before they split to space, Ben knocks this blind chick Alicia Masterson over, and messes up her statue. She touches his face and falls in love. Immediately she begins sculpting a replica of his face. Creepy.
So they go to space and the fake diamond malfunctions and they crash and are ok. But they realize they have powers. Then they are kidnapped by Doom. They escape and then The thing is pissed cause he's a hideous monster, and the Jeweler kidnaps Alicia to be his queen. Doom is building a laser to blow up NYC. Although, instead of shooting the laser at NYC, he is shooting it into space, so that doesn't really make sense. Unless is was going to get reflected off of a satellite or something. Maybe they didn't have time to tell us that part. Or write it. Or consider it. But nonetheless, he goes to the Jeweler and gets the diamond so he can use the laser. The 4 reunite to fight him, and even though they JUST BARELY DECIDED TO BECOME THE FANTASTIC FOUR, somehow, the Baxter Building (their headquarters) ALREADY has a huge 4 symbol on top of the building. Then they fight the doomtroops, then Reed goes after Doom, ultimately letting him fall to his demise (supposedly). Johnny becomes the Human Torch (it looks like first generation CGI or maybe even just regular animation) and saves NYC. I guess the Jeweler got away. Next, with NO EXPLANATION WHATSOEVER we cut to a scene of Reed and Sue getting married. End movie. The special effects are ridiculous. Especially the parts with Reed's arms and legs stretching. The fact that Reed knew Sue when she was a super young little girl is kind of creepy too. If he was only 10 years her senior, that's one thing, but it seemed a bigger gap in their age in the beginning. All in all, its not that bad, for a totally thrown together movie with no budget at all that was filmed in a month. But it is bad. Perfect actually.
***UPDATE!!!*** after being goaded into going back to watch a specific scene (and it looks like someone caught it in the comments too) during my first watch, I failed to notice another, maybe THE MOST ridiculous moment in the movie. There's a POV shot when the morlocks are kidnapping Alicia for the Jeweler. Normally this wouldn't be weird at all, except that Alicia Masters was fucking blind!! HA! wow! incredible. Hope you all enjoyed this. From the many suggestions, Ill probably be reviewing the 1990 CAPTAIN AMERICA soon, if I can come across a copy. Thanx for the feedback yall!!
"Make sacrifice unto Him! Bring Him the blood of the outlanders! "- Malachai
"And He Who Walks Behind The Rows did say, "I will send outlanders amongst you: a man and a woman. These outlanders will be unbelievers and profaners of the holy. But they will sorely test you, for they have great power, even greater than that of the Blue Man!"- Isaac
"Don't ever show up in my emergency room, buddy!- Burt
Alahoyus all. One of the creepiest flicks I remember watching when I was young, this one has it all right from the go. Blood splatters across a young boy's face as another instructs the children of the city to murder all the adults in town. And whose blood was it that adorned the kids face along with the remnants of milkshake on his little nose? Why his own father's of course. They murdered them all right after everyone got out of church. I've always distrusted religious people since watching this flick. Crazies are ten times scarier than monsters any day of the week in my book. Linda Hamilton, the creepy son from across the street in the Burb's, and a cast of shady looking youngsters in CHILDREN OF THE CORN!!
I had this jam on VHS growing up and recently rewatched it. It was never as insane as I imagine it couldve been, but nevertheless it was pretty fucked up flick for its time. The basic story is told by Job, whose parents are killed in the initial strike by the kids. Apparently 3 years prior, in the town of Gatlin, where everyone makes their bread from corn, the crops all failed. So everyone got really religious and started praying so that the harvest would be good next time around. So outta no where, this weird 9 year old kid preacher shows up and gets all the kids to come out to the cornfield with him and worship.
Once there, he hatches a plan to kill all of the adults in the whole town, except for this one dude who runs a gas station on the outskirts of town. So after church one day, they did it. Hacked them up, poisoned them, whatever. Killed em all and sacrificed them to this demon that lived in the cornfields called "He Who Walks Behind the Rows". Personally, if you told me there was a fucking demon that lived in the cornfields, there's no way you could get me to go out there and fucking pray. I might hide in town, and pray that the motherfucker stayed in the cornfields. Then basically, anyone who came through there for the next 3 years were sacrificed to the demon. The only 2 kids not in on the shit were Job, & his sister who were sick. She's also got the "sight" which is like the Shining i think. She sees visions that come true, and draws them with her crayons.
So, then one kid is like, this is bullshit, and he's trying to escape, but he who walks behind the rows says no way. This dude Burt and his wife Linda Hamilton are moving to Seattle so Burt can be a doctor. On the way they pass close to Gatlin and while looking at a map, plow into the kid who'd been set up in the middle of the road. They are like, Oh SHIT, and then they need to tell someone, instead of just leaving like anyone else probably wouldve done. They get all scooby doo trying to solve a mystery and then almost get killed themselves.
At some point Malachai is fed up with Isaac's fucking bullshit. So he puts Isaac up on the cross and kills him. Then Isaac comes back from the dead and kills Malachai. Burt figures out the blue man (who was just a cop) was trying to burn the crops, so he makes a molotov cocktail from the gasohol they have after trapping most of the kids in a barn. Somewhere in there they rescue Linda from off the cross, and then they blow the whole fucking farm up narrowly escaping He who walks behind the rows. Then this one chick is hiding in the car and tries to kill em, but Burt knocks her out. Then they walk 19 miles to the next town. I haven't seen any of the sequels, but they must be worthy a little bit, because they've made SIX of them! I'm not sure what happens next. I at least wanna watch the second one. So we'll see. I say watch it. The beginning is pretty rad, but the end isn't as sick as you want it to be.
Alahoyus true believers! wow. wow. wow. Ok, in direct juxtaposition with yesterday's entry- I am not proud at all to bring you one of the biggest pieces of shit ever. Having said that, there was something mesmerizing about the whole experience. You would think that the story of a haunted bong that sucks anyone's who smokes out of it's soul into a titty bar inside the bong would be just about the best idea for a movie EVER. AND----- you may be right, except for this guy falters in so many ways that its very hard to be forgiving. With special cameos by someone representing almost every flick in New Moon's video history like Gingerdead Man, "Jack Deth" Tim Thomerson from Trancers, and even Tommy Chong himself (who rated top billing only because he was the only one the general public was familiar with) New Moon Home Video Entertainment brings you: EVIL BONG!!!!!
So I basically gave you the plot in the first paragraph. A nerd goes to rent a room with 3 other stoner dudes. He doesn't smoke weed and wants to keep all his brain cells. One of the roommates reads about a haunted bong for sale in the back of High Times mag. They order it, and one by one get sucked inside of it after taking at hit. The bong begins to take on human features. Inside of the bong there's a titty bar. One of the dancer chicks is Brandi from Season one of Rock of Love. HA! Every time someone gets sucked inside, they bump into another character from the New Moon movies trying to get out.
Also, the strippers in the bong kill the dudes with their bras. I thought this was ridiculous, but it turns out that its another marketing ploy by Charles Brand, the writer and producer to sell a line of novelty bras. Motherfucker is an entrepreneur. There are lots of boobs. Then, just as the nerds girlfriend is getting sucked into the bong, Chong shows up. His name is Jimbo and its his bong.
His wife sold it, along with his "hotwheels cars". The nerd goes in after his chick with some vitamins that Jimbo gives him. My problem with this movie is not so much that its ridiculous in the first place, my problem is in its execution. First of all, while I was stoned, the fucking beginning credits seemed like they took forever. Part 2: There are these segways between scenes with this swirly pot leaf, that are like a combination of the ones between the old batman show, and That 70s Show. They are super long, and SUCK, and have terrible music. If you took those out altogether, the fucking movie would improve by about 30%. No shit. Its that bad. Not only is the music horrendous, but the characters overacting like stoner "bros" is a little much too. Even REALDEAL surfer dudes don't use the term "bro" so much. Maybe surfer frat boys do though. Anyway, its almost too much to handle. They don't make the characters likable at all. In fact they make you want them to be killed because of the way they speak.
Not much else to add here. Truly a horror movie for the acting and the music, and the graphics. They were all horrible. Horrorible. Ha! what else? lots of boobs, but I'd have to have a lot stronger weed to be convinced to watch this again. BUT would I watch the sequel EVIL BONG 2: KING BONG? Fuck yes. AND, am I excited about the making of EVIL BONG 3D?? Absolutely. Ill really try to watch anything once. This'll be the last post of 2010. Had to take it out with a bang. or a bong. Whatever. This movie sucked. pass.
"Get out of here. Either of you friggin' vampires ever touch this telescope, you're gonna need surgery to get it out of your ass!"- Ben
"Here's to the selfish killer and the patriotic whore. I usually keep a twenty in the bowl by the door. You might pick it up on the way out."- Hemlock
Alahoyus everybody! Doing research on this flick, I was blown away at Clint Eastwood's background as a director. He's been lauded I guess for years. I know more recently I've been paying attention since "Mystic River", but I had no idea that he directed "Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil" or "The Bridges of Madison County". He even did a couple of his own earlier cowboy flicks... Who knew? The one I am here to rally around and totally celebrate today is his fourth film as a director. This flick was one of my favorites growing up and I've seen it many many times. I always thought it was one of his strongest, dare I say my favorite movies as an actor, and I never even took to time to notice that he directed it. It blows away a lot of Bond flicks if you ask me. Unbelievable cast, breathtaking cinematography, awesome banter, and one of the most tightly written adaptations I've ever seen. Ladies and gremlins, George Kennedy and Clint Eastwood in THE EIGER SANCTION!!!
Brief descriptions can't really sum up the beautiful scenery that unfolds in this story of hired assassins and they kill us/we kill them. I only want to give a brief plot summary on this flick because even though its not that "talked about" of a flick these days, it IS available and rather easy to find if you are willing to do some digging. And believe me it is worth it!
The Eiger Sanction is a great flick about international espionage. Dr. Hemlock (Eastwood) is a college art history professor/ art collector/ ex mountain climber/ and ex assassin for a government agency known as C2. He retired and spent the bread from his "sanctions" (or killings) on rare paintings. He is contacted by his old employer "Dragon" through a courier named "Pope". Dragon wants him to do 2 more sanctions. He decides to do one of them, so that he can afford a rare painting that just went on the market for his collection.
On his way back home, he meets a woman named Jemimah Brown. She bangs him and steals his money and paintings, hired by Dragon to basically convince Hemlock to take the other sanction. When Hemlock goes to get his shit back from Dragon, he's pissed but finds out its his old bud that he's getting revenge for. He claims that's all they had to say. The fucked up thing is he has to not only go back to being a killer, but go back and tackle something that had already almost killed him- twice. The Eiger, a huge legendary mountain in Switzerland.
He decides to take the job, but first he must go train in Arizona with his old climbing buddy Ben. Here you get a chance to see the Totem, this insane natural formation out in AZ. They climb it for practice and the view is breathtaking. I can only imagine what it took to film these scenes. There's a bunch of other characters here and a bunch of old scores to settle dealing with betrayal and other heavy shit that I can't get into, because I don't wanna give too much away. It sounds like I've told a lot already, but this is a very layered yet easy to follow masterpiece. There's a bunch of hot women, a bunch of back and forth backstabbing, and bunch of back story that connects and makes the frayed ends make sense, and the flick is set up into a few sections. The whole ending is the actual climb. This is one of those underrated films that was never really put on a pedestal and deserves much more recognition than it gets. Find and watch this badboy at all costs! doublemcthumbs up! Happy new years dears!
a really amazing film. One of the last of the Italian or "Spaghetti" Western genre, made in 1975, Four of the Apocalypse was one of Lucio Fulci's top 2 favorite movies that he ever made according to him. Not a well known flick, this was made at the end of the popularity of such films and therefore didn't make that big of a splash. Also made a few years before Fulci made his full on dive into the splatter horror field, this film showed him exploring ideas of the undead speaking with humans, and them being thought of as crazy. It had a few wild ideas. But def a great showing. Fabio Testi, Michael J Pollard, and Tomas Milian star in Lucio Fulci's FOUR OF THE APOCALYPSE!
This is the story of 4 strangers, coincidentally locked up at the same time in the same down on its luck "just about to be" ghost town. Stubby, Clem, Butt, and Bunny are a gambler, drunk, crazy mortician, and pregnant prostitute who narrowly escape being slaughtered by some apparent clansmen who were "cleaning up" a town somewhere in the old west. A shitty conniving sheriff takes Stubby's bread and lets them go out on their own into the wild.
They head south toward a town called Sandtown and meet up with some religious folk from Switzerland. Then they meet up with treacherous and sadistic Chaco. He befriends them and gains the trust of everyone but Stubby. Then he gives them peyote, ties them up, humiliates Clem, rapes Bunny, and steals all their shit. What an asshole. Stubby vows revenge. He also shoots Clem in the leg. Stranded, they make a stretcher and walk through the desert trying to find a town to get Clem some help.
But they end up having to hide from Chaco again as he slaughters the religious folk. Then they brave heinous rainstorms and soon find an abandoned town. Clem croaks, Butt goes crazy and serves them some of Clem's actual butt after claiming he killed an animal. Then they leave his ass there talking to ghosts. Then by chance they run into an old preacher friend of Stubby's. During dinner, Bunny's water breaks.
They haul ass up into the snowy mountain range and find a town that is almost deserted except for about 30 miners. They are wary at first of anyone coming around especially women. They get one dude who's married 3 women to deliver the baby, even though he doesn't really know what he's doing. They spend the next 15 minutes getting excited about the baby, and taking bets on it and all that shit. Finally she has the baby, but Bunny dies right after childbirth. Then the miners get all excited and name the baby Lucky, and shower him with gifts, and money. Stubby leaves them with the baby knowing he'll never be as good to the baby as they will. They give him a horse, some clean clothes and a pistol. He then sneaks up on Chaco's gang, and gets his revenge. Then for some reason out of nowhere, THE UGLIEST DOG i've ever seen runs up to him, and he's like, come on little doggie. Pretty great flick. But I think its pretty rare. I found it used in Austin. But it can be had. Look it up on amazon or whatever. Melekaleeky maka!
"I know your work. You go by the name of being alive and you are dead. They have the power to shut the sky! They have the power to shut the sky!!" - Val
"Are you kidding? Your guy's got a camera. Mine's got a flamethrower."- Bosch
"Cooper, you son of a bitch. I'm in jail. I only get one phone call. You think I wanna waste it talking to some goddamn fucking machine?"- baglady
Man, this is a horrible flick. I remember watching it when I was younger. I think I watched it around the first time I saw House as well. I know there's a sequel, and I think I saw it around the same time, however, I couldn't remember shit about either one of them. There's not really a lot to tell about this one. I accidentally turned on the commentary halfway through, and even the people who made it, and the actors were bagging on how bad it was. But the thing is actually full of names. Daniel Stern, John Heard, and a super early cameo by John Goodman (the same year he played the cop in Revenge of the Nerds) in- C.H.U.D.!!!
So, in the beginning, this chick is walking her dog, and a monster grabs her from a manhole. This lady turns out to be this police chief Bosch's wife. He is becoming involved in the beginning in a coverup by the city to suppress rumors about monsters living in the sewers, but once his wife disappears, he starts investigating on his own. He visits Daniel Stern who is a dude who runs a soup kitchen named AJ Shepard. Shepard claims like 12 of his regulars who live in the sewer haven't shown up in days. While all this is going on, a photographer who hates shooting models now, and wants shoot homeless people has discovered the shit is going down as well.
Then his wife gets pregnant, he visits some injured homeless people, and Bosch investigates some more. They find out the NRC or nuke regulatory commission has forbidden the city to tell anyone whats happening. Meanwhile more people keep getting eaten. We finally start seeing the CHUDs with the giant glowing eyes. CHUD turns out to stand for cannibalistic humanoid underground dwellers, and due to pressure the head cheese caves and after they find a dead CHUD, they decide to close off the city and gas the fuckers, even if it kills the homeless.
The goodguys have big problems with that plan, because you shouldn't kill the homeless. And they go to tell them. AJ, and the photographer get trapped in the sewer. Some reporter gets snatched up, and they are trying to find a way out. Then the photographers wife finds a dog's head in her basement! Also she's pregnant. I forgot that part. So then she decides to take a shower to wash the dog's head memory from her brain, and the drain is stuck, and for some reason not explained, she pokes a hanger into the drain to unclog it, and gets sprayed all over with blood. Its hilarious, and like I said, the actors are all making fun of it when I turned on the commentary, and they had a bunch of rewrites apparently. Anyway, then she's like sitting on the bed. Daniel Stern says, " yeah, she's just had blood sprayed all over her, so she's just sitting there- refecting." I should start watching these with the commentary on more. Its kind of like the old MST3K days. And makes them a bit more bearable to watch. A bit...
So then what? The head nuke dude is pissed. He tries to kill the cop, and I don't know. Anyway, I think those guys got out. Whatever. Watch this one if you want. But get stonish first. Because its pretty good, but really bad. Worth it. Just for the weird cameos, and the shitty plot. The CHUDs kind of look like shit. I think I'm gonna watch part 2 though. Excelsior!
"But what about the Fellini festival?"- Warren "Warren - fuck the Fellini festival!"- Chrissy
""Holy shit, what is all this green stuff?"- Toxic worker
Alahoyus everyone! Came home to my earth parents for the holidays, and dug out some old VHS favorites! I've always been a fan of Troma since I first landed here on Earth. I'm pretty sure one of my first experiences with them was a flick from 1983 called The First Turn-On... sort of a raunchy teen summer camp flick. After that, I discovered ol Toxie himself in Toxic Avenger. I was hooked. These guys, especially in the old days knew how to make a quality low budge film. Some of the new ones are incredibly painful to sit through, but this follow up to The Toxic Avenger is sure to make any fan of toxic waste, punk rockers, and 80s teenage lust go apeshit! Many of the same actors from the first Toxie flick return in CLASS OF NUKE 'EM HIGH!!!
This is the story of Tromaville High School conveniently located a quarter mile from the Tromaville Nuclear Power Plant. Tromaville, being the nuclear waste capital of America (and looking extremely like Jersey city) has had its share of trouble lately. Pat Healy stars as the fat asshole head of the plant who doesn't want to get in trouble when the shit goes down and a pipe bursts at the facility leaking deadly toxins into the neighborhood and down the street into the basement of the school.
This may or may not be the reason that all of a sudden last month, the honor society decided that the school could fuck off and they'd start dressing like a cross between punk rockers, aboriginees, and fucking looney tunes characters. Some of their outfits are very strange. One dude who carries a bone around with rings in his nose has this large mouth guard in his mouth for most of the flick. Its distracting to say the least. Another one has a fucking rubber rooster comb on top of his head. That dude by the way has the funniest scene in the flick, when he asks this secretary if anyone ever told her to knock when she enters a room, then he spins around with a fucking M-16 and pumps her full of lead. She falls backwards ramming the door, and then falls in a heap in the office outside. Its ridiculous and you can see a few seconds of it in the trailer above. It doesn't really do it justice though, because the humor comes from being in the moment. Why does that guy have an M-16 in the first place?
Anyway, besides the punk rockers or "Cretins" as they're referred to, there are Warren and Chrissy and their friends. Warren is too chicken to pork Chrissy, and his buddies are gunning for him to do it. So they buy some weed from the Cretins, thinking this will loosen him up. The weed they buy is called "Atomic High", and the Cretins buy it from some of the workers at the Nuclear plant who grow it in the toxic waste barrels. Awesome!! So, as soon as they smoke it, Chrissy wants to fuck. They do, and then they feel sick. Chrissy gets pregnant, and vomits her nuke baby up into a toilet at school that gets flushed into the basement. Warren goes on a rampage and wastes some of the Cretins.
After that, the Cretins plan on getting Warren back, get expelled from school, and then they say fuck it, you can't stop us, and plot their revenge. All the while the nuke baby is growing in the basement. I'll save the details, because you all should DEFINITELY watch this one. Its class out the ass. 2 thumbs and 1 tail up in the air!
"Are they slow-moving, chief?"- Reporter "Yeah, they're dead. They're all messed up."- Sheriff
"They're coming to get you, Barbara"- Johnny
"Tell the people for God's sake to get off the streets! Tell them to go home and lock their windows and doors up tight! We don't know what kind of murder-happy characters we have here!"- Radio DJ
ALAHOYUS EVERYONE! Today is killer because not only do I review one of the classics, but today here at B.A.F.R., we are psyched to present our first film viewing straight from here on the site!!! for freeeeee!! WELCOME TO BAD/AWESOME FLIXXX THEATER!! And what a gem. This is the zombie movie that pretty much set the standard for all zombie flicks. Not sure if it was in fact THE first zombie flick, I'd have to look that up, but for sure its THE "go to" model. George Romero spent around 114 grand, and made somewheres around 12 million bucks, making it one of the most successful independent films of all time (especially in its day). The release and widespread love of this movie shook Hollywood to its knees showing big wigs that they didn't know shit. About budgets, or what the people wanted. So, be sure to check out and watch this amazing flick in its entirety at the bottom of the post. Bad/Awesome Flixxx Review and Bad/Awesome Flixxx Theater are proud to present: NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD!!!
So, since this is my first review where you can actually watch the fucking movie right after I review it, I'm gonna keep it short and sweet. If you've EVER seen pretty much ANY zombie movie, you know the formula. Well, it comes from this flick here. Johnny and Barbara have driven out to the sticks from Pittsburgh, and it actually must be quite a ways from the city, because Johnny keeps complaining that they have a 3 hour drive home. Anyway, they're out there to put a wreath on a grave for their mother. Johnny is teasing Barbara, delivering one of my favorite lines in history, when all of a sudden the shit goes down, and doesn't really stop going down for the entire movie. A dude comes outta no where, slams Johnny's head on a grave, and somehow renders Barbara completely and utterly useless for the duration of the entire fucking movie. She runs to her car, and then you get one of the most frightening scenes I can remember from my childhood, when that first zombie is bashing in the car. Then she runs to a farmhouse, and gets stuck with some others. That's all I say here. Whenever you have a moment, do yourself a favor, click the link below and enjoy this movie. Awesome score/soundtrack, awesome cinematography, A+++ all around. If you've never seen it, you owe it to yourself to veg out. Happy Zombidays everybody!
This is one of the worst pieces of shit I ever sat through. The thing here is, I had no idea Mystery Science Theater 3000 had riffed this movie, or I'd have watched their version instead. I'd like to see their version, but seriously, trust me here: I have no intention of EVER seeing this movie again. HA! Having said that, I would never discourage anyone from spying the misery for themselves. Im not here to critique these movies. I'm just throwing out thoughts and discussing and giving my review. Every single thing posted here has some sort of merit to it or I just wouldn't bother with it, nahm sayn? Sometimes bad is EXACTLY what the doctor ordered... And that is exactly what this is... with cameos by Eddie Deezen, a guy known for his voice on cartoon network cartoons' like Dexter's Lab, and this one dude who true nerds may remember as Cal Pettie (the guy who became the dude who took care of Fred Sanford after Lamont left, and "Sanford and Son" became just "Sanford"), Roddy "Planet of the Apes" McDowell and nobody else in LASERBLAST!!
So, this thing starts out with a dude running through the desert. His eyes are all sunken back into his head and he's got this big honkin' lasergun attached to his side. Then a spaceship flies up and these two claymation lizard guys jump out and they fucking evaporate the one dude. But for some reason they just leave the gun and his necklace laying in the sand. I guess they didn't need it.
Then there's this guy Billy. He's a local dude who has it shitty in a shitty town. The only thing rad is his girl and his van. Otherwise he would split... or you would hope he would. His mom is a slut, and his girlfriends dad hates him, there are bullies who pick on him, and the local yocal hick cops have it out for him. So for some reason, he stops his van out in the desert and finds the gun and the necklace and put it on, and blows up cactuses and shit for about ten minutes.
So then his chick is like, "let's go to this pool party at the ugly girl's house", so he does, but he's all tired, so he just lays by the pool and sleeps. Then his girl goes to the bathroom to change, and billy goes to look for her after a while, and busts in on the one bully basically raping her! Then the bullies try to beat him up, but he fucks them up and they split. Then later he blows the guys car up with a ---LASERBLAST! Get it??
Ok, so- the very next day!- a government dude shows up and tells the sheriff he wants to investigate the blast and the desert and to seal off the town. Either nothing was going on in the world that this dude could just react so quickly to an explosion or LOTS of shit was going down so they had dudes in the area. No one ever explains. I guess that's left up to the viewer. He's there for whatever reason you want him to be there. I like to think he was there to investigate holes in the plot. Anyway, you know what else happens? A whole lot of revenge and then about 20 minutes of laserblasts to finish off the flick.
**********SPOILER WARNING******************
They kill him. But WHY THE FUCK do the aliens leave the fucking gun and pendant again?? Their superior TOLD them to go back and get it. Either that was the thing all along, or They are just fucking complete idiots. or stoned. or badly written.
