"You know what I'm going to get you next Christmas, Mom? A big wooden cross, so that every time you feel unappreciated for your sacrifices, you can climb on up and nail yourself to it." - Lloyd
"What is the matter with you? I thought Mothers were sweet and nice a-a-and Patient. I know loan sharks who are more forgiving than you. Your husband ain't dead, lady. He's hiding." - Gus
"Yeah? Well, maybe Santa won't come back next year. Maybe he and the Easter Bunny will take a fuckin' cruise to Jamaica and you can eat your own lousy cookies!" - George
This is a great Xmas movie. There are tons of great movies that don't advertise themselves as xmas movies. Nowhere on the box does this say anything about it being a xmas movie... but that doesn't mean its not. It takes place during xmas, they do all the xmas things, the whole goddamned thing is based around xmas, so its an xmas movie. BUT, i guess it doesn't have to be. I watched it in February... so there. There's a ton of these type movies. Another that comes to mind is TRAPPED IN PARADISE. Here we have Denis Leary and Kevin Spacey in THE REF!!! (couldn't find the real trailer, so here's a fan made one. I usually hate these, and i DO hate this guy's voiceover, but it gets the point across.)
I don't usually review most of the comedies that I watch. I didn't review tons of John Candy and Dan Ackroyd movies that I've watched since starting this blog, because I guess they don't really fit. Maybe they aren't "bad" enough... maybe some weren't "awesome" enough. Either way, those didn't fit, but this one did. I'm not gonna get too in depth cuz I don't wanna ruin it. Gus (Leary) is a burglar who's on his last score. A big one. "The big dirty" as they say in Canada. He's got a partner who gets scared and splits to a bar with the getaway car when Gus accidentally sets off a burglar alarm and gets sprayed with cat piss.
Gus freaks and holds a couple at gunpoint, making them drive them to their house where he can think of what to do. BUT, he fucks up in that he kidnaps THE lamest couple ever who are totally in the middle of a freakout session with each other where they are on the brink of divorce and one of the main reasons- his mother- is on her way over for Xmas dinner with the rest of their dysfunctional family. Gus thinks maybe his bud will go to the lamest dive bar around, and he does. Gus tells him to find them a boat since the State patrol is dispatched to find him. Meanwhile he's gonna lay low at the house.
The couple's delinquent son is coming home from military school as well, and he's a blackmailing fuck up too. The family gets there and the mother is every bit the bitch that they've made her out to be. The try to hide the fact that they are being held hostage by pretending that Gus is their marriage councilor, but that falls to pieces as the family's attitude and nerves begin to whither away. Plus there's a neighbor going around saying hello to the kids who gets drunk as Hell, and he makes Gus, but Gus knocks him out.
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Finally they tie everyone up, and have their son take Gussy to the waterfront through the shortcut in the woods, and tell the cops that he escaped and make up a story about where he was going to go, because he helped them figure out that they were completely fucked but they weren't really mad at each other, they were pissed at their situation. Anyway, this is a funny flick, and its kind of lame, because Denis Leary's mid 90s humor seems dated now (see DEMOLITION MAN, or JUDGEMENT NIGHT) but I still recommend it.
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