Sunday, February 13, 2011
"You’re supposed to be the best at what you do- do it BETTER"- Michealson
"Wrong Answer"- Mike Danton
"FUCK YOU!"- bad chick
wow. alahoyus! by now you guys know how it goes when I'm on tour. It usually takes me a while to get reviews posted while I'm out here on the road because we are unbelievably busy. Its not all just rocking and partying and watching bad flicks. There's a million other things happening. Blah Blah Blah. But, your need and wait and want for heinous flick suggestions has not gone unwarranted this time. I bring you one of THE most unintentionally funny flicks I've seen in a really long time. A super low budget Rambo meets The Game sort of tale about a man named Mike Danton. A bunch of nobody's in one of the best bloodiest movies ever filmed in the woods of Riverside, California. My friends, I present DEADLY PREY!!!
Deadly Prey is the story of Mike Danton, an Vietnam Vet who is kidnapped while taking out the trash. This dude Colonel Hogan is a dude who was kicked outta the army after being labeled crazy. He trained hundreds of men "his way". Which apparently wasn't the right way since he was shit-canned. Anyway, nowadays Hogan makes bread by hanging out in Riverside California and kidnapping dudes off the street and making them play "the deadliest game" (like that book) where the kidnappee is forced to "run" through the woods in hopes of escaping these mercenaries that Hogan is training. He's training them for some dude named Michealson for some reason they never explain. Michealson is the money man. The flick starts off with some poor spanish sap running for his life only to be annihilated.
Michealson is on Hogan's ass cause he desperately NEEDS these mercs! Who the fuck knows what for, b/c they never tell ya, but he's adamant that Hogan only has ONE MONTH! or he's pulling the plug on the bread. Capeesh? So Hogan needs another runner. He sends his goons out on patrol, and they just so happen to snatch up a fucking RIPPPED dude named Mike Danton. Bad move! This dude is a fucking soft spoken maniac! They strip him down to these tiny shorts and tell him to run. He's like, "you're dead." HA! the flick has some of the BEST delivery I've ever seen. And by best I mean absolute god awful.
For some reason instead of calling the police, Danton's wife calls her dad, who is a great/bad actor. some dude, looks like he was probably in some old shit that i can't be bothered to look up. (couldn't take it, had to look him up. Cameron Mitchell! santa claus from Space Mutiny!!) He turns out to be an ex cop, so maybe she's not so stupid after all. Except she is, because his dumb old ass gets gutted while he's snooping around. Anyway, Danton starts killing like every dude around. He trips the first guy and has a knife and machine gun! bang. Then when the one guy goes to report it, they kill him! HAha! Then another guy comes and is like, 'he killed them all!' and so they go to catch him, only he starts picking off more of them. They decide to call it a night before it gets too dark, and then Danton, even tho he's only been out since the morning is like eating worms!!! and then cooks a fucking RAT! He must have been starving... hahaha. That's what happens when your wife sends you to take out the trash before you get to eat breakfast.
So, they chase him more, he kills more, but they catch him. He escapes with the help of an old Nam buddy who is one of the mercs in training. so then they decide to kidnap his wife. Bad move. Then they rape her, kill her dad, and you're like what the fuck. Danton goes home, the bad chick is waiting. He shoots her in the face. Then he breaks out his crazy Rambo gear. Then he goes back to Riverside, and teams up with his buddy (who then gets killed). And then he breaks out his wife, who also gets shot in the face! Then he finds the guy who did it and RIPS HIS ARM OFF AND BEATS HIM TO DEATH WITH IT!!!! IF you can find a copy of this on vhs, you should buy it with every nickel you have. You won't be disappointed. But it hasn't been released to DVD so yer F'd there. I'd say download it. (that's my gig, if it's not available or out of print, that's the only time that's ok.)
i'm gonna leave ya with this little piece of heaven: