Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Rocknowledgy episode 20 is up now!! on iTunes & elsewhere!




Alahoyus to all! Happy New Year! Valient and the T-6000 back with their 20th Episode! Get ready for some killer jams. Pop some bottles yall.

Go download the episode HEEEEEEERRREEEEE now. It'll be free on iTunes later today.

Episode 20 playlist:
Intro by T-6000,
Comets On Fire- Dogwood Rust,
Death- Keep On Knocking,
Annihilation Time- Get A Job,
Zior- Entrance Of The Devil,
Captain Beyond- Dancing Madly Backwards (On A Sea Of Air),
Caltrop- Ancient, Suicide- Wrong Decisions,
The Dead Milkmen- Meaningless Upbeat Happy Song,
The Dead Milkmen- Or Maybe It Is,
The Dismemberment Plan- The Ice Of Boston,
Funkadelic- I Got a Thing, You Got a Thing, Everybody's Got a Thing,
The Flaming Lips- With You,
Willie Nelson- Me And Paul,
Ghostface Killah- Back Like That,
Outro by T-6000,
Kolpakov Trio- Starrushka

Friday, December 23, 2011

Rocknowledgy episode 19 is up now!! XMAS SPECIAL!!



alahoyus to all and to all a good night! Tired of your boring old Xmas party mix. Me and the T-6000 are here to help. I almost didn't do a holiday show, because most of my friends hate Xmas music.... BUT I think it's because everyone usually plays the same old shit. Just like we always do, Rocknowledgy digs deep in the cracks of chrimbus to bring you the best of the unknown or rare in everything, including season's greetings. So download, load it up, crank it up, and turn up the eggnog. Happy Holidays.

This episode is available for free download HERRRRRRRREEEEE and later it'll be on iTunes (for free).
PS- BONUS VALIENT HIMSELF & T-6000 ACAPELLA HOLIDAY CAROL MEGAMIX AT THE END. ENJOY.

Episode 19 Holiday Playlist:
Intro by T-6000,
Dies Irea- Silent Night,
Squirrel Nut Zippers- Santa Claus is Smoking Reefer,
The Sonics- Don't Believe in Christmas,
King Diamond- No Presents For Christmas,
James Brown- Go Power At Christmas Time,
Jethro Tull- A Christmas Song,
Eek-A-Mouse- Christmas A Come,
Wesley Willis- Merry Christmas,
Merle Haggard- If We Make It Through December,
Sparks- Thank God Its Not Christmas,
Hasil Adkins- Santa Claus Boogie,
Fat Daddy- Fat Daddy,
Lemmy Kilmister/ Billy Gibbons/ Dave Grohl- Run Run Rudolph (Chuck Berry Cover),
Spinal Tap- Christmas With The Devil,
The Who- Christmas,
VALIENT HIMSELF/ T-6000- ACAPELLA HOLIDAY CAROL MEGAMIX,
Outro by T-6000,
Ramones- Merry Christmas (I Don't Wanna Fight Tonight)

Friday, December 16, 2011

I got "Alahoyus" added to the URBAN DICTIONARY!!!!

!!! THORRIORS!!! I got "Alahoyus" added to the Urban Dictionary!!!

Go HEEEEEEERRRRRRREEEEEE to see the definition of a greeting brought from our world to yours, and NOW added into your lexicon.





#Thorriorsunite

THAT'S WHAT I CALL "EFFORTS REALIZED" JACK!!

Thursday, December 15, 2011

bad/awesome flixxx review: Johnny Suede (1991)



"Deke- turn on the tv- there's a old cowboy movie on with nothing but midgets. Yeah midgets- even the horses are midgets." - Johnny Suede

"She's not a schoolteacher! She works with retarded kids and shit, and I mean that's a big difference." - Johnny Suede

"I wrote a song once...It's called "The Rent Song". Did you ever hear "The Rent Song"? It goes like this: hey, hey, -today is the day- those that pay- will get to stay. Those that don't,- I hate to say,- they got to pack their shit..and move, move away...Practice that, Caruso." - Landlord

This is a helluva flick. I hadn't seen it since around the time it came out. I probably saw it in like 92 for the first time. It left an impression on me. I remembered it being somewhat strange but quirky. Going back now, it makes sense that the director Tom Dicillo had worked on numerous projects with Jim Jarmusch. It has a very Jarmusch feel to it. Johnny Suede is a misunderstood crooner who just wants to put a band together and doesn't really understand anything about women. Brad Pitt, Nick Cave, Catherine Keener & (a tiny cameo by a man who'd become a megastar that same year with PULP FICTION) Samuel Jackson star in JOHNNY SUEDE!!!





This is a crazy lil flick about a guy named Johnny. Not sure if his last name is Caruso of if that was some vague reference his landlord was making. Either way, he goes by Johnny Suede and he's a big liar with a huge pompadour that really wants to start a band. He idolizes Ricky Nelson and thinks that he has it all except for a pair of suede shoes. There's a revival of rockabilly type shit in Brooklyn where he apparently lives, led by a guy called Freak Storm (Nick Cave). Johnny just wants to get a band together but his buddy keeps trying to get him out to the club scene. When he splits for home one night after hanging for a while at a club, he sees a woman being raped (even though she's not complaining and a dude says she's game for it). He goes to call the police and a huge box crashes down on the phone booth he's in. When he checks it out, theres a pair of diamond encrusted black suede shoes inside of it.



The shoes immediately give Johnny confidence and he hits on this chick Darlette who's dating a weird photographer in town named Flip Doubt. He keeps seeing her even though she's dating the other guy, continually fueling his own ego. But Johnny is broke and- even though he doesn't want to- takes a job as a painter with Deke (his bud). Darlette complains of abuse by the boyfriend but he has a gun so Johnny can't get him. Then one day, Darlette just dumps Johnny. He finally gets his band together, pisses off a midget, and meets a weird chick who's nothing like anyone he's ever met.



Johnny meets Freak Storm who's kind of a crook/junkie. He gives him his tape and $20, and Freak Storm gives him a song. The tape was supposed to go to a producer, but we never learn if it ends up there. Johnny actually turns the song into a better song. He ends up digging the new chick, they become involved, and she asks him to move in with her. Johnny contemplates the move with Deke one day, but decides against it. Naturally he ends up moving in with her anyway. But Johnny is a dude, and he's a flawed character at that. He has bad dreams about the midget getting him, and he ends up following some chick home from the subway. He actually just goes into her apartment and tells her some tale, and they end up fucking. Johnny returns home and lies to his girl about where he's been, but somehow, the subway ladie's panties were stuck to his pants or his jacket, or in his pocket or something. BUSTED.



So Johnny fucked up. She kicks him out, throws a shoe out the window at him and he can't find it. He told her not to throw shoes at him, and so he ends up slugging her in the belly. Then he splits. He's been through the ringer. Oh yeah, it was his birthday too. Forgot about that. He can't find his shoe. He goes out, sees Darlette, and she's with.... you guessed it- Freak Storm. So its the next morning, and Johnny makes his way back to Yvonne's (his chick- Keener). She hands him his shoe. But then the movie ends, and we see a cab drive off, with a shoe on its roof. Fucking weird. The whole thing has a weird indie feel to it. And seeing it now is weird because you know Brad Pitt as this huge star, but the only thing he'd done before this was THELMA AND LOUISE and it hadn't even been edited yet. So this was one of his first deals. He knocks it out of the fucking park if you ask me. Should you see this? If you're a Jarmusch fan, absolutely. If you like weird shit, totally. If you appreciate a good surreal dark comedy. Yes. Check it.

bad/awesome flixxx review: Never Too Young To Die (1986)



"I'm gonna poison their water supply! For gold! For ransom! For jewels! For money! AHHHHHahahahahahahahah!!!" - Velvet Von Ragnar

"I've figured out how to access their computers to re-channel radioactive waste so it goes from Diablo Canyon... into their *drinking water*. " - Ragnar

"What kind of designer-drug are you on? How is Lance mixed up in all this? " - Drew Stargrove

Talk about an action packed turd of a flick! This was suggested to me long ago by readers, and I finally found a copy in the last few weeks... however, I've been buying so many, I couldn't tell you where I bought it. Maybe in New Orleans. Either way, FUCKING MONEY'S WORTH!! James Bond spy set up with "son of" inclinations. Starring a very young John Stamos (about a year before FULL HOUSE started), Vanity (from THE LAST DRAGON fame), and Gene Simmons as a hermaphrodite!!!! You can't miss NEVER TOO YOUNG TO DIE!!!!

*****(I did today's bad/awesome movie review in conjunction with the SHOW SHOW podcast hosted by Miles and Katie- I don't think this episode we taped is up yet, but when it is, it can be found HEEEEEEEEERRRREEEEEE.)*****






First off, this movie was distributed by the fine folks at CHARTER Entertainment. A few weeks back I reviewed another flick distro'ed by them from the same year called WHAT COMES AROUND (a Jerry Reed flick). I looked everywhere for the trailer for WHAT COMES AROUND on the internet, but the best I could come up with was a song that Jerry performed under his character's name (Joe Hawkins). But lo and behold, the first trailer that comes up on the VHS is for WHAT COMES AROUND. I'm going to video it with my phone and post it up for all the world to see. Its the little things in life that count. OK- back to this one... This flick starts off with a young Stamos getting ready for his big day training as a gymnast in his high school. It seems to be a private high school because all of his friends live in dorms. His roommate is a dude that plays the "Data" role a la "Data" from THE GOONIES. Its the old 'young Asian super smart inventor' cliche. If he looks familiar, its because he was in everything (THE GOLDEN CHILD, MACGYVER, 227, MIAMI VICE, THE A-TEAM, BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA, BRAINSMASHER, GLEAMING THE CUBE...tons of shit). There's so much build up with the gymnastics that I thought we were gonna get a little GYMKATA action. But no luck. What we do get is Gene Simmons as a bad guy leader living in a rock quarry with a buncha desert biker gang tweekers, who just so happens to be a burlesque jiving hermaphrodite. Did I mention he's looking for a disc to help him poison the city's water supply? Oh, well he is.



You see Stamos is Lance Hargrove and unbeknownst to Lance his dad just so happens to be Drew Stargrove, one of the governments top secret agents. There's even a "Stargrove" theme in the beginning of the flick. Strange details make this flick worth it. Somehow, in the beginning, Ragnar (Simmons)'s assistant Riley (Fucking Robert "Freddie Kruger" Englund) has lost the "disc" that will allow them to poison the city. And it's super confusing as to whether Stargrove is a secret agent, or some kind of super thief when we first see him, because it looks as if he's breaking into a bank underground. Either way, he's betrayed and taken to face Ragnar. Somehow he smuggled the disc away and mailed it off to his son in a care package. So Stargrove is killed by Ragnar. Lance goes to his funeral and notices this bangin chick crying over by the other mourners. When he goes to see meet his dad's assistant Corruthers, he finds out he's inherited some farm upstate.



So Lance decides to go up to the farm. When he gets there, he sees the chick Danja Deering (Vanity- what kind of name is that?!) and she gets ambushed by a bunch of those MAD MAX biker goons. She immediately begins capping dudes and then has to take her shirt off. ARE WE GOING TO SEE THOSE BOOBS SO DESPERATELY PONDERED UPON THROUGHOUT THE DURATION OF THE LAST DRAGON?? We shall see. For now though she teases up shooting dudes in a big grandma brassiere for like 5 minutes. After this scene, Lance says something to the effect of her being one of his dad's "pieces" and she smacks the shit out of him. Lance wonders why all this is happening, and Danja tells him his dad was a spy, and might have been killed by a burlesque dancer. Then he finds an underground lair under his old man's bed. Then he follows Danja to a club. Then we see the most disturbing burlesque show that has probaby EVER been recorded by anyone ever. Gene Simmons is especially creepy when he keeps yelling, "YEEE-AH!" At this club he uses one of "Data's" chewing gum "bugs" to bug Ragnar's room. Ragnar quickly finds it and throws it in a toilet. But then they blow up his motorcycle. He escapes, and borrows Data's bike. Then he hauls ass to catch up with Danja.



They play some cat and mouse games, kill some more bad guys, and then the head of the agency or whatever and Carruthers want to lure Ragnar out to get the disc. So they post Lance and Danja at the house and put them under surveillance. Danja is thankful for Lance saving her, so she puts on a bathing suit and starts hosing herself off. Lance tries to stop his sexual urges by eating an apple, and pacing around. But this girl is ready to pounce. You wouldn't have had to ask any other man alive twice. She's so dirty hot, and he's acting like a total kook. She takes her top off, and he's like FUCK IT. SO THEN BANG!! THERE THEY ARE. Vanity totally bares it all in the "D" grade flick. Totally awesome. It gets hot and heavy, but then Carruthers sends a helicopter in to "check" on them. Turns out Carruthers is really RAGNAR! WHOOPS! How could they not tell through that "really great" fake orange wig and mustache/beard combo?? Anyway, Ragnar gets them, and finds the disc in the motorcycle and then there's a big fight, Ragnar kisses Danja (YEAH), tries to kiss Lance (BOGUS), and then Lance decides that even though he has no training whatsoever, he's going to be the hero. So he fights the big goon, and Ragnar splits to poison the water supply (finally). Does he do it??? I'll not ruin the end of this one for ya, but I will say this- Vanity's titties aren't the only titties you get to see by the end of this flick!! GROSS!!! BIG FINISH! Should you see this? ABSOLUTELY if you can find a copy. Make it happen. Pure cheese at its best. Word.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

PLEASE HELP STOP SOPA/PIPA NOW! TOMORROW IS THE VOTE

Please take a few moments (took me 2 minutes) to call your rep and tell them NOT to censor the internet. The Stop Online Piracy Act seems like it would be a good thing for artists, but in reality it gives the government full on power to block websites and prosecute/fine them. THIS WILL AFFECT YOU. THIS WILL CHANGE THE INTERNET AS WE KNOW IT. We use the net now for commerce, communication, and in ways we all take for granite. Please don't sleep on this. Call them and tell them its crazy and will block your freedom at home and abroad.

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Rocknowledgy episode 18 is up now!! on iTunes & elsewhere!! CONTEST WINNER!




Hello everyone! A la peanut butter SANDwiches! That's what the Amazing Mumford used to say. He had some sweet eyebrows, and a sweet stache too if you wanna go there. Have no idea who I'm speaking of? Well you may just want to google him. He was.... amazing. This week we crush the hopes and dreams of everyone else who even THINKS of making podcasts. That's how good this is. Well, maybe. Ok, let's be serious, there's probably like maybe one or two other ones that come close. THANKX FER LISTENIN.... "TELL EM ALL"

Episode 18 is available for download HERRRRRRRRRRRRE right now! and later today on iTunes. It's free, check it out. Subscribe and tell yer boys. Bumbaclot.

*********ALSO****************
IF YOU'RE A FREQUENT LISTENER OF ROCKNOWLEDGY YOU MAY HAVE HEARD THE T-6000 EXPLAIN A CONTEST OVER THE OUTRO THE LAST TWO WEEKS. WELL WE HAVE OUR WINNER OF THE "DRAW WHAT YOU THINK THE T-6000 LOOKS LIKE" CONTEST AND HIS NAME IS COCK ROBINSON. HE DREW THE T-6000 AS SORT OF A CROSS BETWEEN DEBBIE HARRY AND H.A.L. FROM 2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY. VERY COOL. HE WINS THE PRIZE PACK. COCK ROBINSON, CALL THE HOTLINE AND LEAVE ME SOME SHIPPING INFO. EVERYONE ELSE, ENJOY HIS PIC OF THE T-6000.



Episode 18 playlist:
T-6000 intro,
Diamond Head- The Prince,
The Lyres- I Wanna Help You Ann,
Violent Femmes- Dance Motherfucker Dance!,
Status Quo- Caroline,
Descendants- My World,
Make-Up- Born On The Floor,
Destroyer- The Sublimation Hour,
Golden- Ma Petite Est MariƩe,
(Smog)- Bloodflow,
The Flying Burrito Brothers- Can't Ya Hear Me Calling,
Mercyful Fate- Charon,
The Specials- Do Nothing,
T-6000- Outro,
Joey Ramone- Stop Thinking About It

Monday, December 5, 2011

Rocknowledgy episode 17 is up now!! on iTunes & elsewhere!!




Alahoyus YALLLL. This is episode 17. Feeling like an animal and laying around on a heating pad all week after getting in a wreck, Valient decides to wreck your ears with some crushing jams this week. He is good, his back and neckbone have been better. But he will LIVE to rock again!! Posi vibes to you guys from Valient and the T-6000. Here we go!

Rocknowledgy is available NOW RIGHT HERE!! and later today on iTunes!!!

Episode 17 Playlist:
intro by T-6000,
Budgie- Breadfan,
The Soft Boys- Insanely Jealous,
Bad Brains- Stay Close To Me,
Radio Birdman- Aloha Steve and Danno,
Jimmy and Johnny- I Can't Find The Doorknob,
Deadguy- Pins and Needles,
Honey & The Bees- Love Addict,
Ram Jam- Let It All Out,
Blonde Redhead- Chi e' e non e',
Devo- Buttered Beauties,
We Ragazzi- I Forever Surrender 2 U,
T2- In Circles,
Standstill- Ride Down The Slope,
T-6000 outro,
Judas Priest- One For The Road

Sunday, December 4, 2011

bad/awesome flixxx review: Barbarella (1968)



"And our password will be... Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch." - Dildano

"Then you're a dead duck. - Guards! To the Mathmos with this winged fruitcake." - the Great Tyrant

"An angel does not make love, an angel *is* love." - Pygar

"This is a much too poetic way to die." - Barbarella

Unbewievable. Jane Fonda was a goddamn fox in this. This is an irrefutable fact. Pretty much there isn't anything else to say. Its basically all about how fucking hot she is. Like twenty other chicks turned this role down. And I'm SO glad they did. I'm not sure any of them could have played this as well. Fonda has oft been quoted as wishing she didn't do it only because she turned down roles in Rosemary's Baby and something else that were hits, while this flopped. But fuck that. If this was the only flick she ever made, it would've went down in history. Jane Fonda, John Phillip Law, and a ton of French dudes in BARBARELLA!!!





Imagine Heavy Metal (the animated movie) coming to life. Well it did. Sort of. Barbarella was a French comic strip that came way before Heavy Metal. Jane Fonda just so happened to be married to director Roger Vadim, so after Brigette Bardot (his wife before her) turned it down, I guess he talked her into it. And guess who produced it? That's right! Probably the baddest ass producer of all time! Dino De Laurentiis. Barbarella is pretty much like a female version of Flash Gordon. Funnily enought Dino ended up directing a cinematic version of Flash Gordon about 15 years later as well. BINGO! So Barbarella is some kind of space agent or intergalactic ambassador from Earth dispatched to do a bit of dirty business. And NO not that kind of dirty business. Even though she ends up doing that kind. She never even had before if I understand it correctly. Well not like our dirty minds think of it anyway. Let me start over.



In the future, A drop dead gorgeous space ranger named Barbarella does a strip tease and then gets a call from the space president of Earth. He says, listen, go to the city of SoGo (I guess a reference to Sodom/Gomorra) where everyone is wicked and bring back this dude named Duran Duran (no shit). Duran Duran has built some kind of space laser, which surprises Barbarella because apparently in the year 40,000 AD they haven't used weapons in a long time. Also they haven't used sex. Which brings me to the dirty stuff. Apparently on Earth now they eat a pill and place hands together and somehow psychically bang each other. So Barbarella flies her spaceship to some planet called Tau Ceti. It kind of looks like Hoth with all the ice and snow. Two creepy twins hit her on the head with an ice snowball and take her to a place where other kids are. The kids try to sic their biting dolls on her but luckily she's rescued by this dude named Mark Hand "The Catchman". The Catchman is this tough dude who goes around collecting bad kids I guess. The name would have scared the shit out of me as a kid. "Watch out for the Catchman!" Anyway, he talks Barbarella into fucking him the ol fashioned way as a reward. TIGHT!! Then he fixes her ship and she splits.



Then Barbarella's ship drills into the planet like in the old cartoons. But then it breaks down again near some kind of underground labyrinth. Then she gets knocked out by a landslide. Then a blind angel named Pygar finds her. Pygar has lost his will to fly. His boss, some old wizard Professor Ping promises to fix Barbarella's ship. Then some Black Guards try to kill her. Pygar saves her, and then she bangs him. She digs him you can tell. So when she wakes up in his nest, he's all flying around because her vagina gave him the will to LIVE (and to fly)! So she talks him into flying them out of the labyrinth which is like a prison of punishment for people who are cast out of the wicked city. Which I don't understand. If you're supposed to be wicked, does that mean those who are cast out are all good? It seems that way. Anyway, they have to destroy the Black Guards in these funny spaceships with weapons the president sent Barbarella from the weapons archive. So they get there, and these rapers wanna rape Barbarella (rapers wanna rape, ha!) but she's saved by this hot one-eyed chick who calls her "pretty pretty", which I think is a great thing to call chicks. Then Barbarella saves Pygar from some thugs. Then this dude named the Concierge traps them and takes them to meet the ruler of SoGo who is called the Great Tyrant. Turns out the Great Tyrant is the same one eyed chick, except she has 2 eyes. And she's bangin. She wants to fuck either of them, but they turn her down. SoGo is set atop a weird sentient lake called the Mathmos which is alive and feeds on evil. Barbarella is sent to die by birds, and Pygar is sent to the Mathmos. Barbarella is rescued by a front of dudes (a rebellion) headed by a guy named DILDANO (!) Ol Dildano wants a reward, but HE actually wants to bang with the pill like the Earthlings do. Barbarella splits to try to help the rebellion and is caught by the Concierge again while she is smoking some 'ESSENCE OF MAN' (yeah seriously).



The Concierge tries to play a piano that actually fucks Barbarella to death, but her love-making is so good that she burns the machine out. The Concierge is so pissed that he reveals he is Duran Duran aged over 25 years by the Mathmos. That means he's FULL of evil. Dildano gave Barbarella an invisible key to get in the chamber of dreams to kill her which is the only time she is vulnerable. Duran Duran fakes allegiance to get access to the chamber and then locks Barbarella in with the Tyrant and goes to take over SoGo for himself. Then the rebellion happens, but Duran Duran uses his Positronic Ray to blast everyone. But unluckily for him, the Great Tyrant releases the Mathmos from inside the chamber and all of SoGo is swallowed up forever... except Barbarella and the immediate things around her. They are vomited up by the Mathmos because of her inherent goodness. Ditto for Pygar. And then Pygar flies both chicks out of there. Barbarella asks him why he saves the Tyrant, and he SAYS its because "angels have no memory" but really, I think he wasn't blind at all, and just wanted to bang both of them at the same time. You know the Tyrant was down. Should you watch this? If you are a lover of women and science fiction, you should own this. Are you a man or a mouse?

Saturday, December 3, 2011

bad/awesome flixxx review: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990)



"You are here because the outside world rejects you. THIS is your family. *I* am your father. I want you all to become full members of the Foot. There is a new enemy: freaks of nature who interfere with our business. You are my eyes and ears; find them. Together we will punish these creatures. These... turtles." - Shredder

"This is great. First it was The Farm That Time Forgot and now this. Why don't I ever fall in with people who own condos? Probably hard to get good maid service in a sewer. Maybe you guys should try Roto Rooter, huh? " - Casey Jones

"Wise man say forgiveness is divine, but never pay full price for late pizza." - Michaelangelo

I don't know about you guys, but this flick holds up. Who doesn't like ninjas, and pizza? Those 2 things alone as a premise have held together lesser movies. But this one has that and much more. Not mere ninjas, but young ones, young mutated ninja ones, young mutated ninja turtle ones. Beat that, and you're just slinging adjectives together. This movie may only be topped by its own first sequel TMNT 2: SECRET OF THE OOZE (which hopefully we'll be discussing soon enough). Clearly because that one has something this one doesn't: Vanilla Ice. But this one does have Casey Jones and April O'Neil and Splinter and the boys, and ol Oroku Saki himself, the Shredder. Sit back, order some pie, and check out TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES!!!





How appropriate that my roommates are building a patio outback and cranking what seems to be the greatest alternative radiohits of the 90s on a Jango station (Pandora clone). I've been sitting here laying on the heating pad all afternoon reliving some of the worst jams that I'd NEVER admit to having listened to back then beginning around the time this movie came out, when I was in the 5th grade. I'm laying on said heating pad because some asshole rear-ended me and totally totaled my Jeep 2 nights ago as I was leaving the Hurricanes game. BUMMER. But anyway, at least I have stacks and stacks of VHS to keep me happy. Also a very clean pair of sweatpants. But... I'm revealing too much. For my first feature-length fiasco I chose TMNT. This one was always near and dear to me. Straight from the pages of the Eastman and Laird comics, to the cartoon, to saying "DAMN" on the big screen, these turtles were the first comic/cartoon/movie guys I'd seen that got to say "DAMN" since Ultra Magnus on the 1st cartoon TRANSFORMERS THE MOVIE. That in itself made some moms reluctant to let their sons go see it, but having a dad that "spun webs of profanity that may still be lingering in some kind of giant web over the greater metropolitan area of Charlotte, North Carolina", this seemed like a harmless attribute.



Reporter April O'Neil starts telling tales of a gang of baddies stealing all the tv's and radio's and other good stuff from 1990 NYC. The leader of the gang of young runaway boys is a mean dude named Shredder. He decides to shut her up for good. But a turtle with a red bandana on his eyes rescues her to recover his weapon he lost the night before saving her. He takes her back to his "lair" where all his buds, the teenage mutant ninja turtles live. They are ruled by a giant rat named Splinter. The rat found them in the sewer where some nuclear waste was falling on their heads and it got on him too. So then they grew into funny looking puppets, and learned to dance, and eat pizza and jinjitsu. They are followed by a gang member. So the turtles take April back to her house, but when they get back home, Splinter has been kidnapped. They also meet this dude who beats people up with sporting goods named Casey Jones.



So the son of April boss is one of the bad guy teens, but he feels remorse and actually sees one of the turtles. When he runs away again, he meets Splinter in the bad guy hideout which looked cool as hell really. If I was a teen, I would've hung there. They had an arcade version of NARC and a bunch of other classic video games, and a skatepark that had a weird loop that went around through the whole place. There are tons of those now, but not back in 1990. Anyway, Splinter tells him that when he was a little rat, he sliced up Oroku Saki's face and that's why he became the Shredder. He also says Shredder killed his master. Meanwhile, the turtles get ambushed and the building is caught on fire so they escape to a farm that April's family must have owned upstate, and Raphael is in a coma for a while.



Ok, so April wants to bang Casey Jones (can you blame him for doing it?) Raphael snaps out of it. April gets fired. The turtles trip in the woods and see a vision of Splinter. They head back to town to whoop Shredder's ass. They fight the foot clan throughout their lair, then all the way through town til they find Shredder. Then they can't seem to win even though they are giving it their all. Then Splinter shows up, talks shit to Shredder and Shredder gets pissed and runs at him. Splinter grabs some nunchuks and makes Shredder fall off and hang by a thread, and then fall into a trash compactor. Then the turtles dance some more. Should you see this? Fuck yes, if you haven't EVER seen it, then go find a copy. You probably can find one for 50 cents in a thrift shop. There are more copies of this on vhs than copies of Star Trek the movie, and if you're an avid thrift shopper you know that's about the most findable movie of all time. TWO FUNNY THINGS: Corey Feldman did the voice of Donatello- which is awesome cuz of his line in THE 'BURBS ("Hey Pizza Dude!"), and Sam Rockwell makes a weird cameo as a young leader of the foot clan kids. Weird shit.

Monday, November 28, 2011

Rocknowledgy episode 16 is up now!! on iTunes & elsewhere!!




Happy Post Turkey Day jubilations Thorriors and Rocknowledgists! Valient Himself and the T-6000 have cooked up a big fucking bird of a show and we're about to stuff it in yer inbox (if you know what we're talking about)! Gather to together and give thanx for heavy jams. Across the board- we love you. your best friend, Valient Himself

This episode can be downloaded HEEEEEEEERRRRRE and later today on iTunes!!! thanx!

Episode 16 Playlist:

Intro by T-6000,
Ten Years After- Speed Kills,
Imperial State Electric- Deja Vu,
The Atlantics- Lonelyhearts,
Master's Apprentices- Barefoot When I Saw Her,
The Third Power- Persecution,
Gentle Giant- Wreck,
Cyril Neville- Gossip,
Frank Black- The Vanishing Spies,
Ray Wylie Hubbard- (Up Against the Wall) Redneck Mother,
Sacred Steel- Stormhammer,
Pleasure Seekers- What A Way To Die,
Rollins Band- Volume 4,
RKL- Beautiful Feeling part 3,
Bang- The Queen,
outro by T-6000,
Tones On Tail- Go! (club mix)

Saturday, November 26, 2011

Bad/awesome flixxx review: What Comes Around (1986)



"I told you! It was little. It was green, and it was ugly! I'm gonna change my shoes." - Big Jay.
"You better change your pants." - Tom

"It ain't hid Joe. You think I stole this money? I ain't my money. I ain't your money either. It's... It's OUR money, Joe." - Leon

"So Leon has been stealin' from me. I believe that means I've got one comin' ain't it big 'en?" - Joe

Well, its no secret, I've always loved Jerry Reed. From his appearance on Scooby Doo that I saw when I was maybe 5 years old, to SMOKEY AND THE BANDIT, to his music, to all the other later flicks he was involved with. This one however was a weird one. Its probably not that well known because he made and funded it himself. Wrote it, produced it, and what have you. Or maybe its not that well known because its not very good. That's not to say that its horrible. Its just instead of the yuck em up country comedies that he's known for, this could potentially have been like a dude version of a Lifetime movie about an alcoholic singer who's been bamboozled by his shady manager for 25 years. Jerry Reed, Bo Hopkins, and Barry Corbin in WHAT COMES AROUND!!!

**********UPDATE*************
I FOUND A TRAILER FOR "WHAT COMES AROUND" ON ANOTHER CHARTER ENTERTAINMENT MOVIE ENTITLED "NEVER TOO YOUNG TO DIE", AND THEN I RECORDED IT WITH MY PHONE AND UPLOADED IT, SO HERE YA GO, WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, THE VERY RARE TRAILER FOR "WHAT COMES AROUND".





There's a handful of really bad things Jerry Reed did there around the mid 80s that didn't get the funding it really needed. One that comes to mind is CONCRETE COWBOYS that was released as RAMBLING MAN with Tom Selleck. This was a few years later, but looks like about the same budget. LOW. Anyway, WHAT COMES AROUND is the story of Joe Hawkins. The flick starts out in 1954 at a little country bar, and the band playing is trying to swing a little more bread out of the manager who is killing it at the door and the bar, because the place is slammed. The sleazeball greasy manager asks the owner for some more bread and gets it. He tells the band that he didn't get anything and a knockdown dragout ensues betwixt all the patrons, emptying out the joint and even knocking the new sign out front down onto someone's sweet (what looks to be) 1953 Buick. The sleazy manager Leon (Corbin) then heads to the sticks and tells this country family that he's got a record contract for their oldest son in Nashville. The little brother is sad that his brother is leaving.



Fast forward to 1979, the 25th anniversary of Joe Hawkins career. Whatever swindling Leon did must have paid off, because Joe is flown in by private jet to Nashville and its quickly put out there that he is overworked and sticks to a heavy regiment of drugs and alcohol. But Leon keeps pushing even at the concern of everyone around him. After his brother Tom sees him flop on national television on a talk show, Tom's wife urges Tom to do something about the condition of his big brother. Tom runs a race car team and garage. Apparently over the years Joe lent him the money, but Tom has done good for himself and paid him back. After it weighs on his mind for a bit, Tom decides to go check on his big bro. When he gets there, Joe is taping his 25th anniversary special. He's nailing the songs, but blowing the "lines" that he was supposed to learn. He is on the brink of exhaustion, but happy to see his lil bro. On the way back to the stage, he collapses, and Tom cusses Leon out before splitting so that he doesn't freak and beat the shit out of him.



At this point, Tom devises a plan to get their buddy Big Jay who works on an ambulance to help him kidnap Joe by blackmailing Jay. Jay is on probation but is a bookie out at the tracks, which violates his probation and probably numerous other laws. So Jay does all this against his will, and gets tricked into staying out and helping rehabilitate Joe. Leon gets pissed and hires a PI to try and find Joe. Tom does some investigating of his own and finds out that Leon has been using Joe and snaking his bread for years including putting 8 mil into an off shore account in his own name. BOGUS.



So the movie wraps up after Joe is pissed and goes through all kinds of withdrawal and denial and slaps his lil bro, and then feels bad about it, and feels bad for himself, and then finally snaps out of it, and does some running out in the woods. Then they catch the PI, throw him in the latrine (shitter) and then they basically get revenge on the manager by boozing him up, and throwing pills all over the car and crashing it into his restaurant. I'm gonna call out WEAK ENDING. For some reason I wanted Joe to get his money back. But whatever, you do get some cool Jerry Reed footage jamming on a big stage. It's 80s footage of a guy doing some weird material, but if you're a fan, you'll dig it.

Friday, November 25, 2011

Bad/awesome flixxx review: Stone Cold (1991)



"This may be a rag to the walking dead out there, but *this* is my flag, my cross, my church. And these colors don't run... If they hit the ground even in a fight, I will peel your skin off with a knife dipped in shit." - Chains

"The devil was a rebel angel. If you want to fuck with the living, you'll have to learn to fuck with the dead!" - Chains

"Imagine the future, Chains, 'cause you're not in it." - John Stone

Now THIS is more like it! In the "tough cop" action genre a la COBRA, we have ex football player Brian Bosworth in his first (and last) starring role. The Boz is a great cheezeball action hero and the flick has an amazing supporting cast. William Forsythe and Lance Henrikson! Also Sam Macmurray (who was in RAISING ARIZONA with Forsythe) plays the Boz's partner. This movie is significant to me for a few reasons: #1, I've never seen Lance Henrikson smile in any other movie. He does in this one, until he shaves his mustache off, and then its back to snarling and frowning. And #2, while watching, I realized even though it's not mentioned at all on the IMDB or the Wiki page for this movie, its a direct remake of the Australian movie STONE (1974). Its rewritten a bit, but it is totally a remake. Undercover cop named Stone infiltrates motorcycle gang. In this one he's trying to nail the gang who may kill a politician, in the original he's trying to save the gang from someone who killed a politician. So- all of that and more in STONE COLD!!!





Just like Stallone in COBRA, this one starts out with a robbery in a grocery store. And just like Stallone, the Boz delivers punishment and has to face a mad sergeant after its over and there's tons of damage, to which he replies: "cleanup on aisle 4." Cute. There are certain rules you should follow when robbing a place of business. #1 LOCK THE FUCKING DOORS. If you aren't going to keep a lookout up front so that unsuspecting badass off duty cops can just roll right in, you may wanna lock the doors, and pretend like they're closed. #2 DON'T CALL EACH OTHER BY YOUR REAL NAMES. Yelling out "hey charlie, go see what's up!" isn't doing anything to protect your identity. Make up a code name or something. Like the dudes in the motorcycle gang. CHAINS! Are you serious? When I was in middle school, we used to laugh about what the best jail name would be. "Snake" would be the obvious choice, but what about "Knife"? Maybe with no "k". Just "Nife". I remember my buddy Myron used to say his would be "Chains", and we would laugh uncontrollably. But I guess that is a viable option. The first thing you see is the robbers looking into the video camera that is watching them and one (the leader) yells "YEAH, LET'S GO!!" And then he starts machine gunning an end cap of Ritz crackers! That's how you start a movie!



He's just machine-gunning away and then he yells "I LOVE IT!!", and his buddy yells, "YEAH! BIG FUN!!" HA! No shit! That is seriously what came out of his mouth. Ok, so totally oblivious to what is going on, the Boz rolls in and starts eating chocolate off the shelf. When one of the robbers sticks a shotgun up to his temple, he fucking elbows him and blows him away. Then he blows another one away, and then the last guy slips on some syrup and flies upside down back first into a huge display of cans. Awesome. Then the Boz splits after taking them out. He's already on suspension for using to much force or destroying too much shit a la DIRTY HARRY. But the feds make him an offer that they won't let him refuse. Yep- blackmail. If he doesn't infiltrate a local Mississippi motorcycle mob that reportedly killed a preacher they'll turn his 2 week paid suspension into a 6 month suspension with no pay. Bummer. So he bites.



The Boz invents John Stone and befriends the head of the gang Chains (Henrikson) much to the dismay of untrusting Ice (Forsythe). The gang is wild as Hell and they have wild motorcycle gang parties that look like they're more out of the 60s than now. The titty bar they hang at is called Tit For Tat. I don't know why I thought that was relevant. Stone goes through initiation in the gang by "murdering" someone that betrayed the "Brotherhood". Instead of really killing him, they just ship him off to wherever he's from and tattoo his ear tat on a fake ear. Then they steal a bunch of drugs that Stone hooks them up with to gain their trust. Ice figures out Stone is a cop and that gets him "iced". Yeah. Then Stone convinces Nancy- his bitch that was given to him by Chains- to turn evidence on the gang. The goal that the Brotherhood has in mind is to get their buddy off of death row and kill the governor who is seeking the death penalty against their boy.



In the end, the og guy Stone was supposed to kill shows back up, rats Stone out, and then they kill Nancy to hurt Stone. Then they plan to strap a bomb to Stone and drop him into the courthouse during the trial to blow it up by helicopter. Stone escapes though and fights the pilot and gets the chopper low enough to jump out. Chains dressed like a priest knifes someone and starts a ruckus in the courtroom. In the scuffle the governor is killed. But then Stone starts killing everyone. He lets a motorcycle charge him, then pulls a matador and the motorcycle flies out the window and lands inside the helicopter blowing it all the Hell. Stone then beats up Chains, and he's taken into custody, but he gets a cops pistol and almost kills Stone til his pussy-ass partner pulls a gun and blows Chains away. End of story. Should you? Hell yeah. Its a great, cheesy, action sandwich.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

bad/awesome flixxx review: Super Mario Bros. (1993)



"Do you know what I love about mud? It's clean and it's dirty at the same time." - King Koopa

"Hand out the devolution guns! Prepare for destiny!... Where's my pizza?" - Koopa

"Oh, Daniella! I promised to take her to Wrestlemania." - Mario

OH MAN. WOW. HOLY FUCKING SHIT. Look, I know a few weeks back, I watched MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE, and proclaimed it was THE most godawful movie that had come out perhaps in my lifetime here on Earth. Well, I was SORELY mistaken. I'm not sure I can COUNT how many ridiculous things are totally and completely wrong with this flick. Let's just take the MOST obvious- Bob FUCKING Hoskins is ENGLISH! And John Leguizamo is COLUMBIAN!!! I know they're actors, but could we have at least gotten ITALIANS?? Or even Italian Americans?? I just don't understand it. I mean, really when it comes down to it, it had a pretty insane cast. DENNIS HOPPER as KING KOOPA???? No WAY! He fucking BLEW it! All of those dudes and a small cameo role by Lance Henrikson as the Mushroom King in SUPER MARIO BROS.!!!!





I wanted to leave the SPINAL TAP-esque two word review: Shit Sandwich. But that wouldn't even do it justice on how bad this is. I LOVE bad movies. But for some reason, the choices made on this flick look like they were made by someone who had NEVER even played the games once. So a long time ago a meteor hit the Earth and split it into two mirrored dimensions. All the dinosaurs went into one dimension and evolved, and we lived here and evolved up from apes and simians. Fast forward to the late 70s, and this chick is running through the rain and she leaves a baby with a crystal around its neck on some nun's doorstep. Then she climb into the sewer and dies in a time warp or something.



Fast forward to now, and we have two "down on their luck" plumbers in New York. As Luigi explains it, Mario adopted him when he was little, and their names are Mario Mario, and Luigi Mario. They keep getting their jobs snaked by this guy Scappelli. Luigi is fascinated with conspiracy shows and tabloid rags that talk about aliens and shit. They lose a job but Luigi scopes this chick who is protesting a Scappelli job that's digging near where her college is digging for rare dino bones. Luigi gets some balls together and asks her out. They double date with Mario and then they split off. She takes him to see the sight and they catch some Scappelli goons digging around and sabotaging her work. They run back to get Mario to rescue them. Mario comes and makes it happen for them and they go deep into the excavation work. Then they get knocked out by these 2 goons named Iggy and Spike (who are supposed to be Koopa's sons, but they call them "cousins"). The cousins kidnap Daisy. Ok, then Mario and Luigi wake up and here Daisy screaming from inside a wall. Luigi dives into it because the wall looks like you could dive into it like water. Then Mario basically is forced to follow even though he is reluctant.



When they get to the other dimension, they see all manner of weird shit. The streets are packed with people who are growling at them, and these huge dudes in red coats with small heads. I guess these are supposed to be the turtles? Even though they say "goomba" which is a different bad guy all together. These guys look like they were made from the movie. Mojo Nixon has a cameo as "Toad" (who is an extremely short mushroom guy in the games, but a giant rockabilly dude turned red coat small head in the flick. BOGUS). These guys are turned into their forms by being "devolved" by some Koopa's technology. That's the only cool part of the flick. The Devolution. Iggy and Spike take Daisy to Koopa who asks where's the crystal around her neck. They being idiots, lost it. Koopa needs it to merch both worlds so he can take over. Everything about his world has been built to promote him. He turned "Princess" Daisy's father into a fungus that grows all over their world and hands out Bob-ombs to people and tries to give them mushrooms. Mario got one AND HE DIDN'T EVEN EAT IT!!! Wouldn't it have made sense to make him grow giant in size like in the goddamn games??? Why the fuck would you leave that part out?!?! My little brother could have made this movie better and he's 10. He could've made it better when he was 7!!



Ok, so I'm not going to bother to tell you what happens, because it doesn't even fucking matter. Yoshi makes a cameo as his small little dino self. There is one more part that really bothers me. There was this chick hanging out with King Koopa. They never even really say what her name is. They tried to, but you couldn't make it out. And she was supposed to be in charge. She was like Koopa's right hand, and he left her in charge of Daisy and everything. Then she got fucked up or eaten or who cares, but really: WHO THE FUCK WAS SHE? They don't even list her in the cast on the wiki. But she had a significant part in the movie. She had a ton of speaking lines. Look- even if you told me her name, SHE WASN'T IN THE VIDEO GAMES. None of them. Not a one. Why would you just make up some no name character?? Why was this film even made? Also- the soundtrack? Divinyls, Roxette, and MEGADETH. But could you pick out their song? Nope. Should you watch this? That depends... Do I hate you? If yes, then yes. Are you my friend? If yes, then stay away. Stay very away. (I mean) very far away.

bad/awesome flixxx review: Death Wish II (1982)




"You believe in Jesus?...Well, you're gonna meet him." - Paul Kersey

"I read about that... I'll give you three minutes before I sound the alarm... You're wasting time." - Orderly

"He saved our lives dammit! Where were you, giving out parking tickets?" - Rescued citizen

He's back. With a vengeance. Paul Kersey is living in Los Angeles five years after being run out of New York City when it was discovered he'd been conducting business as a badass vigilante. He wasn't prosecuted because the DA of NYC considered what he did a good thing. But sometimes bad things just keep on happening to good people. Paul Kersey is just about the unluckiest sonofabitch there ever was. with a cameo by a young Lawrence Fishburne (similar to the cameo of Jeff Goldblum in the original) its back to business as usual in DEATH WISH II!!!!





So this time Paul Kersey is hanging out with this reporter chick in Los Angeles. His daughter has been receiving some successful rehabilitation here and she is managing to request food for the first time in five years. Kersey still thinks that this is little progress, but is happy to have his little girl back as she is released into his custody in the beginning of the flick. Paul, his daughter and his girl go to a carnival. Paul goes to get the girls some ice cream but is mugged by 5 gang dudes. He chases one down and demands his wallet, but the guy doesn't have it. He lies to the girls and says he forgot his wallet, but his girl knows he's full of shit. He just didn't want to upset his daughter.



So the reporter girl goes to interview the governor or something about the death penalty, and Paul and his daughter take a boat ride. The gang members get his address from his wallet and go to rob his house. They gang rape his housekeeper and when he comes home, they knock him out, kill the maid, and kidnap his daughter. One of the gang dudes rapes his daughter and when he gets up, she jumps up, runs past them all, jumps out of a window and falls to her death becoming impaled on a sharp fence down below. HEINOUS!! Its one of those moments where you yell out, "OH SHIT!!" or "FUCKIN SHIT!!" or something like that. The cops tell Paul about his daughter but he says it'll be no use. He turns down one of the cops offers to come down and try to identify some perps, feigning super bummedoutness (to which he may actually be). He digs his pistol out of his closet and there's where we know shit is about to get good.



After the funeral he rents an apartment downtown under a false name. He then hunts down and spots one of the muggers going to a drug deal. He kills a guy, tells the others to split and then cold murders the guy "Stomper". No idea how he really just runs up on this dude. I guess is a bit lucky after all. Then miraculously the next day when he's out and about patrolling the city, he hears some dudes fucking with a lady. He kills 2 of the 4 and wounds another which is the guy he chased after for his wallet that day. Then he chases them to a warehouse and kills that guy too. The cops start to suspect they have a vigilante on their hands. They reach out to other cities that have had similar problems because some guy trying to get reelected wants the citizens to feel safe. So they call up old Lt Frank from the first movie to go in and look for Kersey, almost blackmailing him into doing the work. They do that because they don't want him to reveal that he'd already been caught and let go by NYC years before cuz that would look bad on them. So Frank has to go in.



Frank breaks into Paul's girl's pad and spills the beans on him. Paul discounts all of it, and says Frank is crazy. Paul spots the last 3 muggers in the park. Frank follows him. Paul is about to kill them, but then is almost killed. Frank shouts out to help and is gunned down by the muggers. Paul kills 2 of them but one gets away, and then he kills some other gun runner dude. He asks Frank why he helped him, and he says better you than them. He then makes Paul promise to kill the son of a bitch and then he croaks. Paul splits, badly injured Fishburne rats out the mugger who looks like John C. Reilly. Paul's girlfriend tells him that the cops are about to go get the JCReilly lookalike and mentions the location. He goes to try to get him first but is unsuccessful. The dude goes all Lou Ferigano on them and I joke and say he's on PCP, and it ends up that I was right. He's just lifting pigs off the ground left and right. NUTS! He is sent to a psycho tank, and Paul's girl goes to interview him, she's denied but Paul is able to steal a doctor's ID. He asks the chick to marry him, and then goes to kill the last guy. He goes in, fights and is stabbed a shitload of times, but in the end, JCReilly lookalike punches a shock treatment machine and Kersey turns up the juice electrocuting him. He's then busted, but the orderly "gives him three steps" before he ringing the alarm. Unluckily for him (or an easy way out, no telling what he really wanted) his old lady sees a scanned copy of the ID and hears a radio bulletin about the murder of the inmate. She leaves the engagement ring and splits. A few months later his boss invites him to a party or something after work asking if he can come, to which he replies, "what else would I be doing?" Same big smile. I think this was a pretty great sequel, seeing as how it took them 8 years to make it. Might have been better without the HUGE break in between, but still pretty good.

Monday, November 21, 2011

bad/awesome flixxx review: Death Wish (1974)



"I mean, if we're not pioneers, what have we become? What do you call people who, when they're faced with a condition or fear, do nothing about it, they just run and hide?" - Paul Kersey

"The underprivileged are beating our goddamned brains out. You know what I say? Stick them in concentration camps, that's what I say." - Ames Jainchill

"GODDAMN BOY. You... You just hit that thing right on the bullseye! - Ames Jainchill

Now we're talking. I don't know how many times you guys have seen this flick, or how many of the sequels you ever watched, but they're worth it. Charles Bronson is one of THE American cinema badasses. Maybe my favorite. He was sort of typecast as a killer, but it never seemed to get old, because he seemed to BE a killer. I remember a story from like 05, or 06 where somebody we met had dated his daughter. Imagine that shit. Having to go "meet the parents" and the dad being Chuck B!! Come to think of it, that may have made the movie MEET THE PARENTS a whole lot heavier! Anyway, this is the same story you get in a lot of vigilante folk tales: THE PUNISHER (Frank Castle), WALKING TALL (Buford Pusser), LETHAL WEAPON, & even BATMAN, THE CROW, & MAX PAYNE. Most of these guys have someone in their families raped and/or murdered, and then they go to get revenge. Well DEATH WISH is the story of Paul Kersey, and its no different. People like it because people want justice, and A LOT of the time, we don't get that with the police and/or the courts. Produced by (badass in his own right) Dino De Laurentiis and starring Charles Bronson and in his first on screen appearance, a cameo by Jeff Goldblum in DEATH WISH!!!





Paul Kersey is an architect. A man who is not necessarily "1% rich", but definitely more well off than the average citizen. That was true in the 70s, and is definitely true today. The film starts of while Paul and his wife are on vacation. When they return home, while Paul is at work, his wife and daughter go to the supermarket and buy some groceries. They give their address to the clerk to deliver the groceries, and 3 hooligans (one of them a young Jeff Goldblum) overhear the address and follow them home. Thinking that its the delivery man with their groceries, the daughter lets them in and they go apeshit demanding money. When they only find 7 bucks, they get pissed and beat and rape them both. Its a disturbing scene. Paul gets a call at work from his son and rushes to the hospital.



When he gets there, they say the daughter is in shock, and she's been sedated, and his wife has passed away. They tell him there's little chance they'll find the crooks. His boss sends him on vacation to hang out with a client in Tuscon. The guy is a real shitkicker who has a movie set down there where they reenact old cowboy shenanigans. I guess Kersey is inspired by what he sees. He reveals nothing for a time to the client who thinks him a bleeding heart liberal. Kersey doesn't disagree. The client jabs him this way and that and claims to be really tough. He takes Paul to a gun range and he blasts a bullseye with his first bullet and the guy almost shits himself. Then he tries other guns. When he splits back to NYC, the guy slips a pistol in his bag as a little southwest meets northeast aggression present... and because he probably sympathizes with him.



When he gets back, his lil girl is so faded they basically have to put her in a home. Paul finds the revolver and goes for a walk out in the night almost going to a shady place on purpose. A mugger goes after him, and pulls a .38 on him, but Paul pulls the trigger first and kills the guy. He's so freaked out that he splits fast, heads for his house and pukes when the realization of what he's done sinks in. But it must have gotten good to him, because he pulls the same shit the next night, blowing away 3 muggers who are after an old lady in an alley. The media catch onto the vigilante and the cops have no idea where to look. But one dude is really smart and starts the investigation looking for someone who lost someone and narrows it down to a certain area. Meanwhile Kersey keeps killing. Some dudes on the subway, and he gets away scot-free. Then he starts baiting muggers in a coffee shop and when a few take that bait, he goes for them in a subway again, but one knifes him in the shoulder.



The Lt figures out that Paul is the killer, but the DA tells him that crime is down and citizens are happy. So they say to watch him and tell him to leave and not come back. So he starts trying to scare Kersey but it doesn't work. He keeps tabs on him though. He goes after 3 more muggers, and one of them shoots him and he wakes up in the hospital. He wakes up to the Lt, telling him he's gotta "get outta town", to which Kersey replies, "by sundown?" He then splits and gets his job to transfer him to Chicago. When he gets there, in the train station he notices some thugs fucking with this chick. He goes to help her, and the thugs gesture like "fuck you" to him, and he just points his finger at them like a gun with a huge smile on his face. CLASSIC! Watching the second one next. Highly recommended. One of those must see deals.