Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Rocknowledgy Episode 43!!! Ready for your unquenchable appetites!

Alahoyus Rocknowledgists and Thorriors! We're back after a small break. And this one comes on the heels of Record Store Day. On this episode we celebrate the lives of Dave Brockie from Gwar, and Scott "Rock Action" Asheton, both who passed away since our last episode. We also see some of the projects I've been working on lately. Super psyched on this one brothers and sisters!! Crank it up!

Click here for episode! 
http://traffic.libsyn.com/rocknowledgy/Rocknowledgy_episode_43.mp3

Episode 43 playlist:
Intro- T-6000,
 The Action- Ill Keep On Holding On,
 Holly & The Italians- You Better Tell That Girl To Shut Up,
 Chuck Berry- Tulane,
 Gwar- Sick Of You,
 Big Star- Don't Lie To Me,
 Kill The Hippies- Volcano,
 Melvins- Dog Island,
 Herb Alpert- The Spanish Flea,
 Sonic's Rendezvous Band- City Slang,
 Andre Nickatina- Baking Soda Down In Minnesota,
 Basment Sessions w/ Valient Himself- 7 & 7 Is (Love cover),
 Hjortene w/ Valient Himself- 180.000 km/t,
 Big Boys- Gator Fuckin',
 Radio Birdman- Love Kills,
 The Deviants- You've Got To Hold On,
 Earl Grant- House Of Bamboo,
 Hasil Adkins- Change Gears On That Thing,
 Outro- T-6000,
 Golden- Nikki

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Bad/Awesome Flixxx Review: Rock'n'Roll Nightmare (1987)



"You've overstepped your line again, Bub. There's a creator's highest law that keeps you in your dark place and yet you and your brethren still insist on coming into this world and trying to steal a place in the world of the living. When will you ever learn?" - Triton

"This is incredible! It is almost no fun to kill one so stupid as to not know who it is that slays him. You are in my domain, and I will kill you as I have killed your pitiful friends." - Demon

"Or is it less familiar to call you Beelzebub? Or do you prefer Abaddon; or as the Hindus called you, Shaitan; or as you are known to answer to, Ahriman? Belial? Apollyon? Asmodeus? Because, you see... I *do* know you." - Triton

Originally titled THE EDGE OF HELL, this piece of Canadian garbage is REALLY bad. No disrespect to Canada. I love Canada, Canadians, their cities, their country, their food (poutine and pogos), their comedy, their weed, and most of all their music (Rush, April Wine, Voivod). Herein lies the problem. This movie stars an awesome Canadian Rock Star, none other than Thor! But man. I don't know what to say. Its a direct to video piece of camp trash. Shot probably with a camcorder definitely in seven days, you can bet this bad boy went straight to video. Now, if anyone has a copy they wanna pass my way, that's a different story. Thor and some of his friends in ROCK'N'ROLL NIGHTMARE!!! (There's no trailer available anywhere, so you'll have to watch this scene. And careful because it DOES CONTAIN SPOILERS!!!)





So in the beginning of this film, a pretty hot mom is making breakfast for her son and husband. She's mumbling to herself about something and (cut upstairs to the husband looking in the mirror) she starts screaming. He runs downstairs and sees the oven shaking and slowly opens it. BOOM! Red smoke and a really fake skeleton with googly eyes pops out and he screams. Then we see a kid on the staircase looking down into the kitchen saying "mommy?", then screaming-- and I'm PRETTY sure it was the fucking "redrum" kid from THE SHINING. Roll intro cards.



While the cards are rolling we get a wild POV shot of the camera running quickly on the floor like we are looking through a dog or cats eyes, or some other little small creature from the synth soundtrack. Then a badass vans hauls ass down the highway. The van is headed up to the same old house from the beginning. But it doesn't arrive until dusk. Out jumps Thor and his band Triton and their girlfriends. They are there to record an album for the next five weeks and its supposedly ten years later. "A month to come up with ten minutes of new music". HAHAHAHA! The van is SO badass, but we're supposed to believe that like 11 people came with them in it? So they start figuring out the living situations. This leads us to believe that there will be much pairing off for dirty 80s sex. Then the evil winds start blowing.



Then they have dinner! Then they go out to the barn to ROCKNROLL! The girl's wash the dishes except the bitchy one. They perform a song called, "We live to rock". Its really bad. Slash awesome. The drummer's girlfriend starts getting all hot and bothered. A little one eyed dick monster pukes in the manager/recording engineers beer. Then they all freak out because he breaks a stick on the last hit of the song.?? The manager goes to get sticks from the basement. Then the drummer's girlfriend comes down and takes her shirt off and starts hitting on him. Its confusing. I think maybe it was supposed to be her drink that got the cyclops dick puke in it. I don't know. She bites his neck and he screams for a minute and then everyone finally hears it at the same time. Ridiculous. So he is disappeared with the van, and so everyone peels off to bang each other.



Thor finds the sticks and knows something foul is going down. A hot chick/gross monster kills the drummer/takes over is body. Groupies show up to hang with the band and the manager shows back up and is creepy as hell telling them to go to the basement and pull out their boobs. Then the next day the band rocks another jam in the barn. "Energy... takes me where I want to be"... Then they all go to have more sex. A huge hand comes out of the drummer's chest and grabs his girls tit. Then yes more sex. Then a little boy shows up and everyone chases him around to find out who he is. Then he has a dog face. Then everyone disappears. Then the little dick monsters run rampant. Then Thor's chick turns into a huge Demon. Thor keeps calling it Bub. Then we find out because its name is Beezlebub. Then they have a really long fight. There's another complete song during the fight. Thor explains the whole thing to Bub. Apparently none of his friends were real and the whole thing was a trap set up to bring out the demon to kill him. Then why did they make us sit through it? BOGUS ending! Anyway, should you watch this? I recommend other bad rock horror movies instead such as TRICK OR TREAT, or SHOCK 'EM DEAD. They're bad too, but ... one has Traci Lords and the other is at least halfway funny.

Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Bad/Awesome Flixxx Review: The Prophecy (1995)



"I'm an angel. I kill firstborns while their mamas watch. I turn cities into salt. I even, when I feel like it, rip the souls from little girls, and from now till kingdom come, the only thing you can count on in your existence is never understanding why." - Gabriel

"You see, I'm not here to help you little bitch because I love you or because I care for you, but because two hells is one hell too many, and I can't have that. - Lucifer

"Years later, of all the Gospels I learnt in seminary school, a verse from St. Paul stays with me. It is perhaps the strangest passage in the Bible, in which he writes: "Even now in Heaven there are Angles carrying savage weapons." - Daggett

I remember seeing this one in the theater! I remember it being built up in the press as to be super evil and scary and satanic and everyone was psyched to go see it. It was supposed to THE EXORCIST good. Was it? Well, let's not freak out. Its a pretty good flick from a formula that happens every few years or so. Specifically good angels versus bad angels a la LEGION from a few years back. But with a very good lineup: Christopher Walken, Eric Stoltz, Viggo Mortensen and CASEY JONES from the first TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES flick! Curiously this one also stars Virginia Madsen who I didn't even mention, but was in the last movie I reviewed HIGHLANDER II: THE QUICKENING as well. All of them starring in THE PROPHECY!!!





So this cop (Casey Jones...real name Elias Koteas) Daggett was supposed to be a priest but he chickened out because he saw visions of demons. Fast forward to present day and he's lost his faith and chasing crooks. One day two angels decide to fall to Earth from heaven searching for this super evil dude's soul. Simon (Stoltz) is trying to find it before Uziel (who is supposed to be a bad angel I think). Uziel tries to kill Simon but ends up getting iced. They call Daggett down to the morgue because he was on the scene. They're all tripped out because the dude has both male and female organs, and other weird stuff. I think he didn't have any eyes. Anyway, Simon is tracking down this veteran who died (the evil guy) and gets his soul and removes it from his body. Daggett does some investigating, gets a warning from Simon, finds the obituary in his rented room and goes to the town where the evil soul was.



The coroner finds a handwritten bible on Uziel and gives it to Daggett. It contains a 23rd chapter in Revelation that is unknown. Daggett translates it and finds out there was a second war in heaven where all the angels are pissed that God made and favored humans in a greater light than all his other creations... even the angels. He learns that the "dark soul" it speaks about is the old man's and whoever has control of it can use it as a weapon in the heaven war I guess. So Gabriel (Walken) the head neck chopper for the bad angels comes down to earth to get shit done. He gets a helper and finds out where they have to go to retrieve the soul. Simon meanwhile hides the dark soul in this little Native American girls body. She gets sick but is taken care of by her teacher.



Daggett finds the charred remains of Uziel thanks to Gabriel and decides to go to Chimney Rock Arizona to investigate whatever is going on. Gabriel finds the body of the vet but sees the soul is gone. He then sniffs out Simon and tries to convince him to give it up to no avail. He then rips Simon's heart out and sets him afire! BRUTAL! Daggett finds out the old man was a fucked up cannibal. Gabriel questions the schoolchildren. The teacher goes to the little possessed girls house to check on her and finds Daggett. She takes him to some cave and they see visions of a gnarly angel war with dead bodies and angels impaled on stakes and all manner of heavy shit that would make mom's cringe. They head back over to the girl's house and find Gabriel trying to extract the soul from the little girl. They foil his plans by killing his assistant and blowing up the little girls family's trailer.



Gabriel recruits another helper from a local hospital. Daggett and the teacher go to a Native American reservation and they prepare to perform an exorcism on the girl. All of a sudden Lucifer himself (Mortensen) shows up! He basically tells them that nobody has went to hell since this war started and he's pissed. He thinks that if Gabriel wins then the "new heaven" they are trying to create will be exactly what he already is the king of. Another Hell. And that for Lucifer is one Hell too many. So he tells Daggett to use Gabriel's lagging faith against him. Then we have the big showdown. I won't tell you how it ends. If you're wondering whether or not you should watch this one, go ahead. The one anyway. I can't say anything for the four sequels. But maybe I'll get to those one day. I'll be the second one is at least worth watching. Maybe...

Sunday, March 16, 2014

Bad/Awesome Flixxx Review: Highlander II: The Quickening (1991)



"Most people have a full measure of life... and most people just watch it slowly drip away. But if you can summon it all up... at one time... in one place... you can accomplish something... glorious." - Ramirez

"Okay, now let me just see if I can get this straight. You come from another planet, and you're mortal there, but you're immortal here until you kill all the guys from there who have come here... and then you're mortal here... unless you go back there, or some more guys from there came here, in which case you become immortal here... again." - Louise

"Enough of this useless banter, I will be on my way and leave you to converse with your skull. Farewell, dear shithead, farewell." - Ramirez

Alright. Where to start with this piece of shit? Don't get me wrong-- I respect a movie's right to absolutely suck as much as anybody. I gush about bad flicks. But this one is in a category filed in outer space somewhere. Literally. Someone thought it was a good idea to basically completely throw out the origin story of the Highlanders from the first flick and revamp it and make it like they were from space and throw in a couple of flying Hawkman bad guys that look like they're from THE fucking MATRIX. You like grade "A" dogshit? Strap in. Christopher Lambert, Michael Ironside, and Sean Connery in HIGHLANDER II: THE QUICKENING!!!





So, we start off with an okay premise. Connor MacLeod won "the prize" at the end of the first movie. That means that along with gaining all the knowledge available on Earth and becoming one with every man, woman, child, and animal and basically being all powerful, he has also earned the right to grow old. He chose to do so with his wife, but by the mid 90's she was dying with cancer because the ozone layer was really messed up. He promised to help fix this problem and starts a corporation with a bunch of scientists that covers the earth in a "shield" and saves the humans from the sun's harmful rays. The only problem is that now Earth is in a perpetual state of darkness, and twenty years down the road the people and the general way of life has declined to the point of madness. The shield is governed by an evil corporation that makes huge profits off of the people just to keep them safe from the sun.



Connor MacLeod is now an old man and much like him watching wrestling in the beginning of the first flick, here we find him watching a performance of one of Wagner's operas. Here's where shit go completely mental. All of a sudden, Connery's character (a Spanish Egyptian played by a Scotsman) Juan Sanchez Villa-Lobos Ramirez comes to him and he remembers a flashback from his past. Apparently somewhere on a planet called Zeist, Ramirez is telling a bunch of members of a rebellion that he's choosing a great warrior from their ranks to battle some bad guy named Katana. Just then Katana's forces bust up the party, kill everyone but Ramirez and MacLeod and sentence them to go to Earth and compete for "the prize". Now if you are at all a fan of the first movie and you watch this sequence, you are saying to yourself, "WHAT are they talking about?" This makes absolutely NO SENSE whatsoever. They are aliens? What the fuck was that "there can be only one" shit about then???



So this chick named Louise is a terrorist (?) who wants to take down the shield. Several groups have been trying unsuccessfully to do the same thing. She goes to meet with MacLeod who claims his days of saving the world are over. Meanwhile Katana decides to send these 2 hawkmen matrix goons on flying skateboards to kill MacLeod so that he can't come home to his home planet of Zeist. MacLeod easily kills these ugly mothers and then gets "the quickening" again and becomes young. He's furious about it, but uses it to his advantage because he hasn't even known that chick Louise for an hour and he takes her panties down right there in the alley and bangs her. Its been several months since I've seen this, but I'm quite sure that's how it happens. That means one of four things: He's smooth, OR, she's a slut, OR, this is written TERRIBLY, OR, I'm completely remembering that part wrong. But I think I'm right. She's gotta be a huge slut. Ok, also- SOMEHOW while he was re-quickening, he says Ramirez's name and that gives him the power to resurrect? How did he not know that already? Besides, this is so crazy, if he had all the powers of a god, he could do what he wanted anyway. Correct? Who the fuck knows? So Ramirez comes back to life in the middle of a production of Hamlet, buys an awesome expensive suit with his earring and has enough bread left over to fly to NYC. Plus since the matrix goons failed, General Katana decides to come to Earth and battle MacLeod himself.



So we get another half hour of REALLY BAD one-liners from Katana and then he goes to team up with the evil corpo dudes in charge over at the Shield. They think somehow that they can hold the world hostage with the notion that shutting it off will blow up the Earth. Or something. That's the thing, Louise found out that the sky repaired the ozone on its on, but the Shield corp was basically holding the Earth people hostage by taking their bread for a promise that was a lie. Let's move on to the spoiler warning. If you haven't already watched it, I'm not going to recommend you do, but if you plan on it: SPOILER WARNING **************************************************** Somehow after defeating Katana, MacLeod just walks into the room where the shield is, and basically walks into the light and it breaks it. THAT'S IT!!! That's all he had to do??!! Then the chick sees the stars for the first time and according to which version you actually watch (there are like NINE of them) he takes her and flies back to his stupid goddamn made up planet. Being the fan of the first film that I am, I never need to see this again, and I recommend skipping to the third if you're going to go deep into Highlander territory. Maybe the catchphrase for this one should be: THERE SHOULD BE ONLY ONE... MOVIE.

Tuesday, February 25, 2014

Bad/Awesome Flixxx Review: Waterworld (1995)



"If you'll notice the arterial nature of the blood coming from the hole in my head, you can assume that we're all having a real lousy day." - Deacon

"You know, I thought you were stupid, friend. But I underestimated you. You are a total freaking retard! Ha-ha-ha..." - Deacon

"I don't have a goddamn clue. Don't worry, they'll row for a month before they figure out I'm fakin' it." - Deacon

First things first. I'm not a Kevin Costner fan. Never have been. But take a look at this movie! I thought forever that it was gonna be a piece of shit, but they should've called this MAD MAX 4!! Mad Max underwater! That's basically what it is. "With no where left to go, those that remained took to the seas." Or something like that. I feel like you could've slapped Mel Gibson in here and it wouldn't have been such a flop at the theaters. But what can I say? Old Kevin Costner holds his own. He only had about ten lines in the whole thing, and plus he had Dennis Hopper to play the foil, and you can never go wrong with him. Those two alongside a pretty hot Jeanne Triplehorn in one of the biggest (and most expensive) box office flops ever to grace the silver screen, I present to you WATERWORLD!!





So Kevin C plays this dude that everyone calls "the mariner". They call him this because he never gives us his name and he's obvious a skilled boatsmith. It is some time in the distant future. We are led to believe that as time went along, the polar ice caps all melted and gave way to a new world where those who survived lived on whatever boats were left behind. It is so far into the future in fact that the surviving members of society were born believing that this is how it had always been and always will be, water as far as you go in all directions, with precious few small islands existing somewhere out there. But there are old timers who heard stories and spread rumors that they believe that there is a sacred place somewhere called "Dryland". When the movie begins, we have this unnamed chap floating around the sea in this wild boat that is super fast and is like a sailboat with training wheels.



The guy on his boat speeds up to this floating city to trade some "dry" dirt. He's got a pickle jar full of it. The people are suspicious as to wear the Hell he got the dirt from as its super rare. He is very tight lipped and trades buying himself some drinks and an orange tree. He makes a shitload of bread off of his dirt and then when he's about to leave, the people in the floating city turn on him. They figure out he's a mutant and has webbed toes. They don't like freaks around those parts, so they decide to turn him into compost. About that time, a bunch of Dreadnots on jetskis (that need some serious muffler work) calling themselves "smokers" come into town like a bat outta hell looking for this little girl with a treasure map backplate. Supposedly, the little girl floated into town in a basket and someone had tattooed something on her map that was rumored to be a map to "Dryland".



The bossman of the Smoker's is this dude who calls himself the Deacon (Hopper). He is the captain of this huge oil tanker that we later figure out is supposed to be what's left of the Exxon Valdez. For those of you reading this born in the 90's, that was a tanker in Alaska that ran aground and spilled thousands and thousands of gallon's of oil. It was a national tragedy. Anyway, he wants to kidnap the little girl and be the first one to found a city on Dryland that he'll be the ruler of. Basically he's your everyday ruthless villain with dictator/world domination tendencies a la Cobra Commander. The chick and the little girl miss their chance to escape with the crazy oldtimer on his homemade hot air balloon and end up hitching with the mariner. He can't stand them though because he's a loner. He ends up cutting their hair off to make lashings for the mast. He does end up liking them though because the little girl makes him feel like a piece of shit and says she's his friend. Also we find out that the mariner has all this cool shit because he swims to the bottom of the oceans and finds cool stuff like sony walkmans, clocks, and old copies of national geographic. He tries to tell the girls that there is no dry land, because he's sailed so far and believes that he knows everything.



Around then the mariner takes the chick to the bottom of the ocean to the ruins of Denver to show her that he gets his cool stuff from where humans "used to" hang out. She then realizes that water has now covered all that and her dreams are vanquished. While they're down there, Deacon and some Smokers board his sailboat, kidnap the little chick and destroy the boat. Luckily the little old grandpa flies his balloon over to them, rescues and takes them to the place where all the survivors of the floating city are chilling. The mariner takes a jetski and blazes a trail to find the little chick. The Deacon is only in charge by sheer cleverness. He'd be overthrown in a minute if they knew he had no idea what he was doing. So they're looking the little girl over when the mariner comes on deck and threatens them by holding a flare over their refining oil tank (which makes no sense whatsoever. I know very little about refining oil, but to run that ship and all those exhaust blowing jetskis, theres no way they have the capacity to refine that oil on that ship. That ship was made to haul oil and thats about it. We've seen THE ROAD WARRIOR! You need a whole city for that!). They call his bluff and SHWOOP! He drops the thing down the shaft blowing the whole goddamn ship sky high. BUT... That's not the last of the Deacon! Bungee jumping was REALLY BIG in the mid 90s and the next scene proves that. I won't tell you how this one ends, because its a pretty fun ride even though its a bit of a stretch, and the acting is pisspoor. But as far as another far fetched sequel to MAD MAX goes, there are literally a few hundred who have tried and they're much worse. I thought I would hate it, but it kinda ruled.

Saturday, February 22, 2014

Bad/Awesome Flixxx Review: Tuff Turf (1985)



"Mm-hmm. So did that girl he brought home for Easter last year. Remember? She was so stoned, all she could do was look at the peas and say, 'Wow, they're so green!'" - Page Hiller

"Oh yeah, if I ever catch you near Frankie again, I'll take you out so fast, you won't even have time to spit." - Nick

"How many bullets are left in this gun, Nick? Enough for Morgan? For my father? For everybody else who doesn't fit in your turf?" - Frankie

This flick was suggested a while back by my friend Robyn. I had heard of it but had never seen it. Boy was I missing out. These type of 80s high school revenge flicks are always up my alley. Starring James Spader, Robert Downey Jr., Kim Richards, and with a musical performance by Jim Carroll Band (with Robert Downey playing drums no less!!) I present to you TUFF TURF!!!





So this flick is basically about Morgan Hiller (Spader). He's just moved to a southern California town from Connecticut where his father has lost his job. In Connecticut the Hiller's were well to do, but since the cut, things are different. No more private school for Morgan who's been in and out of trouble all of his 17 years much like any rich folks I've ever known growing up. Especially ones who live in the shadow of older siblings. This seems to be part of the drama that makes Morgan the obstinate and stubborn teenager that he seems to be. When our story begins Morgan is riding his bike around his new town. Cut to Frankie (Kim Richards) flirting with some dude and asking him for some money. This schmo probably thought he was gonna get laid as he pulls out a money clip fat with cash, but in reality he's about to get robbed by Frankie's punk boyfriend Nick and his boys. And that's what would have happened if Morgan hadn't ridden by and pulled some fast moves on them rescuing homeboy's loot. And pissing off the gang.



The next day is the first day of Morgan's senior year in public school. He gets hassled by the school cops for riding his bike. He goes to the office to register after being clocked in the parking lot by Nick and his gang who hang out and wait for him (all day?) to whoop his ass after school. Robert D. Jr plays Jimmy, a dude who hears about Nick's proposed ambush and hits up his friend "Feather" for her "blade". After already getting chewed out by the principal, Morgan receives the switchblade from Jimmy who sits behind him in class for protection. "YOU GOT- THE SWITCHBLADE". (That's a Legend of Zelda joke folks. Ill be here all week.) Jimmy then invites Morgan to come see his band that night. Apparently he plays drums for The Jim Carroll Band. I love that song "People Who Died". It says my name in it. Anyway, in the parking lot Nick is riding around on Morgan's bike with Frankie on the handlebars. Morgan goes to get it, but is almost hit by a badass '68 Camaro which totally runs over his bike totally crushing it. BUMMER.



He walks his bike home, gets yelled at by his mom (that bike cost $500) and then he bails to see the Jim Carroll Band. On the way there he steals a convertible Porsche because he lives on the edge. He hangs with the band, talks briefly with Jim Carroll who gives him guitar tips, and then proceeds to mack on Frankie because again- he likes to play with fire. He grabs her and forces her to dance with him. The gang arrives and beats his ass and takes the keys to what they assume is his Porsche and then joyride it around town only to be stopped and thrown in jail for grand theft auto. Then Jimmy steals the 68 Camaro and tricks Morgan into thinking he's the goons. They joyride it while Nick is jail and even trick Frankie and her friend. They cruise Beverly Hills and sneak into a bougie country club party, eat a ton of killer food and then when the band takes a break, Morgan jumps on the piano and sings Frankie a jam. They get kicked out and Frankie starts to fall for Morgan and takes him dancing. Nick hears about this bullshit and tells his boys to get Morgan. They beat the shit out of him with padlocks in the locker room, but undeterred Morgan sneaks in Frankie's window the next night asking her to have dinner with his folks the next night. He has to bail quick though because Nick busts into her room after telling Frankie's father that they're getting married (unbeknownst to Frankie).



Morgan is pissed about this supposed "engagement" but Frankie assures him she'll still come to dinner. She does and then bails because she feels like scum compared to them and is embarrassed when Mrs. Hiller asks her about her mother who is dead. Meanwhile the whole dinner is being spied on by Nick and the boys. Nick and the boys cruise around getting drunk and pick up Frankie. They see a cabbie and tell Frankie to ask the driver for money by trading a watch. She sees the cabbie is Morgan's dad, and says she won't do it. Nick says fuck it and they get ready to beat his ass. Frankie tries to warn him, and the old man holds up pretty good until Nick pulls a gun and shoots him! WHOA! GONE TOO FAR DUDE! Frankie totally feels like a piece of crap now and when Morgan comes to see his dad at the hospital she's goes back home with him and bangs him. The next day Nick comes to Frankie's dad's liquor store and beats her and her dad up and makes her call Morgan and invite him to a fight at the warehouse. Morgan goes at them all guns blazing with a goddamn fireman's axe and some Doberman pinchers. I could tell you the end, but if you dig the story so far, you should just go ahead and watch this one. Enjoy!

Thursday, February 20, 2014

Bad/Awesome Flixxx Review: The Frighteners (1996)



"Shut up! That Russian cannibal creep is telling everyone he did 50 plus. That reflects badly on both of us, Patty. This record should be held by an American." - Johnny Bartlet

"Get back in the goddamn ground you unorganized grab-asstic gob of teleplasmic shit!" - Sgt. Hiles

"By the power invested in me by the president of the United States,I am telling you to get the hell out of this room." - Dammers

This is one of those flicks that just totally passed me by. It seems whenever I ask anyone about it, they immediately know what I'm talking about. I think I missed it because it has such a generic horror name like PHANTOMS, or, THINNER. I got all those mixed up when they were coming out. But check the lineup! Michael J. Fox, Jeffrey Combs (RE-ANIMATOR, CASTLE FREAK), Jake Busey, and Lee Ermey and directed by Peter Jackson with a soundtrack by Danny Elfman?! How could I have missed THE FRIGHTENERS?!!!





So Michael J. Fox has developed some kind of combination of psychic and telepathic powers that allow him to communicate with the dead. We learn that he acquired these abilities after his wife died for which he was under suspicion of murder for some time. I can't remember but I'm pretty sure no explains why he doesn't just have conversations with his wife? She's dead. Maybe it was that he couldn't speak with all spirits, just spirits that were lingering around for some reason. Either way, a bit of shoddy writing there if you ask me. So he teams up with three ghosts and has them haunt people and then scams them out of money. One of them is a nerd, One of them is a gangster, and one is an old man named "The Judge". So they basically prey on the stupid. But, even though he's really doing this, people in town think/"know" he's a con man. The thing is, if they know he's a con man, do they believe in ghosts, or is he just piss poor at executing his job? So pretty soon he goes to "exercise" the house of this asshole and his hot wife.



Suddenly days later, the asshole turns up dead and comes looking for M.J. Also a bunch of people in town start dying and M.J. sees numbers on the dead people's heads. Furthermore he realizes that the numbers mean those people are about to be killed by this mega ghost who has escaped Hell and is coming after people in their town Grim Reaper style. M.J. and the other ghosts are the only ones who can see him. He figures out that whoever killed his wife is killing these people because she had the same number on her forehead. So he starts trying to tell everyone to look out because they're going to die and tries to save a lady and then when she dies everyone suspects him of being involved with the killings. The asshole tries to get M.J. to talk to his wife for him but M.J. starts putting the moves on her!



The chick's name is Lucy and she starts investigating and decides she believes M.J. The cops call the Feds on M.J. and they bring in FBI agent Dammers (Combs) a complete freak who is convinced that M.J. did it, who will stop at nothing to bring him to justice. Lucy goes to see M.J. in jail and the Grim Reaper decides he's going to kill her, but M.J.'s ghost buddies help him escape but they get (re)killed in the process. Also Lee Ermey is in this flick basically playing the ghost of himself from FULL METAL JACKET. He doesn't like M.J. and wants him to stay away from the graveyard. Meanwhile M.J. comes up with a plan. He's going to kill himself so he can get to the Grim Reaper before he kills again. But Lucy tells him she'll freeze him and slow his heart down so he "sort of" dies, but only to the point to where they can bring him back. While he's a ghost he finds out that the "reaper" is the ghost of this dude Johnny Bartlett (Busey) who worshipped the devil with his girlfriend and killed 12 people back in the day.



Lucy and M.J. visit Johnny's ex girlfriend and decide that her mother is a real bitch. She's a freak and keeps the girl locked up. But for good reason! Because after a while we learn that the girlfriend really has been worshipping Satan all the time and she has Johnny's ashes, not her father's (or whoever's) in her room and she becomes a psycho and tries to kill them all after they try to help her. Anyway, there's a big showdown at the end between Johnny and his girl, Dammers, Lucy and M.J. Should you see this one? Yeah, its an unexpected good little flick. Check it out.

Saturday, February 15, 2014

Bad/Awesome Flixxx Review: Two-Lane Blacktop (1971)



"I don't like being crowded by a couple of punk road hogs clear across two states, I don't." - G.T.O.

"I don't believe I've seen you. 'Course there's lots o' cars on the road like yours, they all get to lookin' the same. They perform about the same, too..." - The Driver

"Make it three yards, motherfucker, and we'll have us an automobile race." - The Driver

This is one of THE classic old school 60s/70s hot rod movies. Along with VANISHING POINT, and EASY RIDER- this was one of those defining "end of an era" flicks that captured a generation that was fading fast. I always loved this one because I could easily picture my dad as "the Driver". It was also one of the last movies I watched with my dad before his passing. The movie that inspired the real life Cannonball Run (which of course inspired the two flicks of the same name) starring Warren Oates, James Taylor, Dennis Wilson and a cameo by Harry Dean Stanton in TWO-LANE BLACKTOP!!!





This movie rules. There's only one thing bad I've ever heard people say about it and we'll talk about that in a bit. Never before had James Taylor or Dennis Wilson acted. They were cast in a hurry and the experience of filming this put a bad taste in their mouths and they never acted again. The movie was shot "on the road" while they were actually traveling from Needles, California along old Route 66 across the country. The director (Monte Hellman) wouldn't let them look at the script and gave them lines to act out on the day they were shooting that particular scene. So along with the travel and the hectic schedule, and by the time the thing came out with no real push from the studio (Universal) these dudes were over it. No names are mentions, but Taylor is "the Driver", Wilson is "the Mechanic", Oates is "GTO", and an actress named Laurie Bird is "the Girl".



We have the driver and the mechanic who go from town to town earning bread by challenging rednecks to drag races at bars or restaurants or gas stations. They come into town, scope it out, shit talk and hustle as much as they can. They drive a primer gray 2 door Chevy 150 hot rod and it smokes. They are straight up motorheads and eat, drink, and sleep this car. You get me? When they get to Flagstaff, Arizona (which is a beautiful city and an oasis out of the monotonous desert if you ever get the chance to pass through there) they make a stop and a hippie hitchhiker chick basically just jumps in their rig.



Further along the road somewhere in New Mexico, the gang stops to get gas and this hot shot, complete and total scumbag liar pulls up behind them in a brand new 1970 Pontiac GTO. He is full of shit from the get go and they talk some shit back and forth. They follow along passing each other back and forth until an arrangement is made. They decide to race to Washington D.C. for "pinks" or pinkslips. Basically whoever makes it there first gets to keep the others car. So they take off. Now, its heated for a little while and we initially don't like GTO, but we come to realize he has no idea about cars and as long as the mechanic keeps the driver awake and aware of any problems, they're most definitely going to win. Then we have the girl who ends up sleeping with both the driver and the mechanic. They both act like its no big thing, but the driver actually falls for the chick. Meanwhile GTO is doggin his new ride hard and its not actually built to race across country. So the mechanic gives him some friendly advice and they even trade up for while. There's a part where they get drunk and pass out and GTO almost gets caught trying to steal the parts he needs for his car. Then somewhere along the lines the girl jumps in with GTO who is poisoning her ears against the other guys the whole time so he can hit it. He's always picking up hitchhikers and telling each one different lies that he either makes up on the spot or changes them according to whatever has just happened trying desperately to impress whomever comes with him.



So the driver freaks that the girl left them and he then goes on a mad chase to catch up with GTO. They finally catch up to them and the girl goes with them and then acts totally non chalant about the whole thing even blowing off most of the drivers suggestions about what to do when they get over to the east coast. Finally when they stop to get some food, she bails with some random dude on his motorcycle and just leaves her enormous bag in the parking lot. JUST LIKE "FUCK IT!". WOW. Anyway, the dudes are so pissed that they venture apart from the GTO who continues on picking up hitchers and lying to them. Now the reason a lot of people complain about this movie is right here: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!SPOILER WARNING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 The guys need some parts or money for gas or something around Tennessee and they go to a dragstrip around there and then they start the race. Then the sound goes out. Then the film gets eaten up like the film strip disintegrated. So... you either interpret it as arty and that's the aesthetic they were going for, or you end up pissed because (even though we don't know their names as such) we've invested time in this story, and we wanted to know who made it first to fucking Washington! Now, the when I first watched it, that's how I felt. A bit disappointed. Then I thought about it later and decided that they were going about their business living their lives and thats how shit happens anyway. That's real life. They didn't need to follow this kook to D.C. just on some dumb bet or dare. Fuck that guy! They would get there or they wouldn't. They were "living". On the road. By the balls. People say life was different then. But, not that much. You can do those things still to this day. Gas costs a lot more, but you can be a weird drifter hippie street racer if you really want. If you have no connections to anywhere, I recommend giving it a try. You never really know about a place until you've used all their public restrooms and washed your hair in sinks, and been stuck and got into adventures. That's how you find it out. Not reading blogs about it on the internet. Should you watch this? Yes. But not if you are one of those people who have to have a set ending. A good or bad. A Hollywood lie. If you think the chase is better than the catch, then this is for you.

Sunday, February 9, 2014

Bad/Awesome Flixxx Review: Jesus Christ Superstar (1973)



"Every time I look at you I don't understand why you let the things you did get so out of hand? You'd've managed better if you'd had a plan. Why'd you choose such a backwards time in such a strange land? If you'd come today you would've reached a whole nation. Israel in 4 B.C. had no mass communication." - Judas

"What's the buzz? Tell me whats-a-happening? What's the buzz? Tell me what's-a-happening?" - Apostles

"Can you show me now that I will not be killed in vain? Show me just a little of your omnipresent brain! Show me there's a reason for your wanting me to die! You're far too keen on where and how, but not so hot on why!" - Jesus

At much, much insistence from my sweetheart I finally got around to watching this one. I have heard various people either singing its praises (or its songs) or talking about how they didn't like it for years and decided that it was time to make up my own opinion about it. Based on Andrew Lloyd Webber's play, a bunch of hippies go out to the desert and star in JESUS CHRIST SUPERSTAR!!!





I'll start this one off by saying that besides a few Disney numbers when I was younger (THE SOUND OF MUSIC, MARY POPPINS, or my favorite one {not Disney} CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY) I haven't partaken in all that many musicals in my lifetime. That's not to say that I don't like them, I just haven't watched that many. I didn't really like ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW, and I didn't really like this one either. It didn't have anything to do with the subject matter. I actually think some of the guys (Judas in particular) were even good actors. I just don't think I like "rock operas". Does that make sense? I love rocknroll. More than a good portion of other people- I LOVE rocknroll. But something about "rock opera" makes me squirm. Could it possibly be that rock opera's DON'T rock? That's probably it. I recently came up on an insane cassette tape collection. In going through these tapes, I found maybe four by the band Savatage. One of their albums is called "STREETS: A ROCK OPERA". Interestingly enough its about a dude named DT Jesus. Some hobo who calls himself Jesus. I was trying to decide if I liked that album or not and thinking about "rock operas". I've come to no overall conclusion. But that record has a few good songs on it, and a few definite stinkers. Much like this movie. Some of the songs are catchy and that's why you hear fans of the soundtrack humming them or singing lines from them totally out of context in your daily life. But it also has some stinkers.



Like I said, a bunch of hippies drive this school bus out into the desert, pull out a bunch of costumes and props, smoke a joint or two, and dress up like their favorite characters from the bible. Right from the start everyone is praising Jesus. And call it jealously if you want, but right away, one of Jesus's right hand dudes- Judas- starts criticizing everything Jesus does. Apparently he's privy to this whole plan Jesus has to start a movement and thinks that they're probably going to get in trouble when his other friends start calling Jesus a "god". The other dudes that hang with Jesus are anxious to get the movement off the ground, they're tired of the way things are going and they wanna be free and don't want to be hassled by the man or taxes or any of that stuff. So they put a lot of pressure on Jesus to find out "whatza happenin". Judas comes and tells him to chill out and stay away from Mary cause she's a whore and bums everyone out. Then Jesus snaps and tells Judas that he's no saint and he tells the Apostles that he thinks that none of them really care about him, basically calling them mooches.



So Jesus profile starts getting bigger. Some of the high priests start to argue about what should be done about him. Two of them are talking about it and one is worried that if they crown him king they'll upset the Romans. One tries to talk the other out of being worried about it but finally suggests they should take it to a council of head priests. Then Judas and Jesus get into another argument over ointment. Jesus tells him that the poor people will always be there to help, but that he won't always have Jesus to kick around. Way to guilt trip him Jesus. Then those two priests bring their grievances up to the high council and they decide that there's only one thing that can be done. Execution. Meanwhile Jesus and his merry band of Apostles arrive in Jerusalem and everyone is partying. The one high priest tells Jesus and them to break it up in fear of a riot starting. Jesus tells him "no way" and basically tells him to kick rocks. Then Jesus sings a song called "Hosanna" to all his followers. Simon then tells Jesus's followers that they should rise up against the Romans, but Jesus tells them to cool out because they obviously don't understand why he's really there for them.



Then we have a section of the movie where Jesus comes to realize what's about to go down. He gets emotional. He goes to the church and sees everyone playing bingo and gambling and having a flea market, and he freaks out and turns over their tables and starts screaming at them and breaking everything in sight. Then he goes out on the edge of town to chill out and a gang of lepers find him and demand that he heal them. He heals one or two of them and then they start to overwhelm him and once again he freaks and screams at them to leave him alone. So Jesus splits to the comfort of his prostitute friend Mary. And she sings a song about not knowing how to love him because she's used to doling out lots of faux affection and sex but never any real true love. Jesus passes out at her house. Then Judas sets about betraying Jesus by speaking with the priests. He reluctantly takes their money telling himself that maybe he can use it to help the poor. Cut to the last supper and Jesus starts telling his boys how it is. He tells Peter that he's going to deny him three times and he straight up tells Judas that he's gonna betray him to his face. Judas says bullcrap and they get in an argument and Judas splits. Everyone passes out after such a big meal and then Jesus goes and prays in a garden. Judas comes to him and kisses him sealing the deal of worst friend ever. Guards then take him to the priests where they charge Jesus with blasphemy. Then he's taken to Pilate who is the governor of Judea. Pilate says he doesn't deal with Jews and sends him to a super flaming version of King Herod (no disrespect). Herod dares him to do all his super powered tricks that he's heard about but Jesus just stands there and won't indulge him so they throw him in jail. Judas sees this and freaks out and curses God and throws his money at the priests and cusses them out before splitting to the desert and HANGING HIMSELF IN A TREE. I didn't see that coming in this flick! HEAVY! So they take him back to Pilate, who basically does everything he can do to try to get Jesus off the hook. He tries to get him to admit that he's crazy or a liar but Jesus won't do it. And Pilate can't believe that he has to kill this guy. They make it seem like Pilate isn't such a bad guy but he is forced to have Jesus killed because his constituency is so bloodthirsty that he's actually afraid that they may riot if he doesn't. But as a final act to show that he wants no part of it, he washes his hands of the blood and says its on their heads and not his. After this is gets a little crazy. Heaven opens up and Judas floats down wearing kriss-kross style overalls on a silver cross. And they crucify Jesus leaving Judas's questions about other religious figures unanswered. Then it kind of fades out with all the hippies packing up and splitting from the desert. Should you watch this? I mean is it a super bum-out? If you truly like musicals then this a formidable one. Me, I don't ever need to see this again. I didn't get the songs stuck in my head. ALTHOUGH the one guitar line on the first Judas song is pretty sick. I don't know maybe its just not my thing.

Saturday, February 8, 2014

Bad/Awesome Flixxx Review: Starship Troopers (1997)



"No. Something given has no basis in value. When you vote, you are exercising political authority, you're using force. And force my friends is violence. The supreme authority from which all other authorities are derived." - Rasczak

"They sucked his brains out." - Rasczak

"You're some sort of big, fat, smart-bug, aren't you?" - Johnny Rico

Paul Verhoeven is a dutch director that has made some all time classic blockbusters: TOTAL RECALL, ROBOCOP, BASIC INSTINCT, SHOWGIRLS, AND HOLLOWMAN. This is another one of his classic jams from the 90s. A story adapted from a novel by Robert Heinlein of the same name. This story is a war machine production set in the future that follows a new recruit on his climb to the top as aliens invade our airspace, and Earth goes to battle against some evil space bugs. Denise Richards, Jake Busey, Doogie Howser and Michael Ironside star in STARSHIP TROOPERS!!!





So in the future its just how we all picture it. Man has reached out to the stars and has begun colonizing other planets. Back here on Earth, just to even be a citizen, you have to do some kind of community service. Those in charge call it "civic duty". Sounds like some heavy fucking "jury duty" to have to join the space marines! If you don't do that, then you can't vote and you're considered second class. OR... you're rich. Either way, Johnny Rico is this dude who's from Buenos Aires. Don't ask me how so many white people live down in Buenos Aires, its the future, ok? His girlfriend is Charlie Sheen's ex ol' lady and she says she's gonna enlist when she graduates. So does their friend Doogie Howser. He's super smart (we all know he's been a doctor since he was a kid), and he ranks up super high in the final test scores. Denise ranks high enough to be a pilot. But poor Rico isn't smart enough for all that, but determined, he enlists anyway to become one of the dudes on the front line. The movie is full of segue-way propaganda ads that look like the old reels they played before movies back in the 40s during WWII.



So they go off to training and this hot curly headed chick named Dizzy (who played football with Rico) followed him into the infantry because (just like he digs Carmen (Denise)) she digs him. But Rico is oblivious. He befriends Jake Busey (PCU, THE STONED AGE) and they become fast friends. They have a tough commander training them and then one day Carmen sends an ipad message to Rico telling him she's moving on. BITCH! Even worse than that, she's been hanging around and banging his ex dickhead jock football rival!! FUCK-IN' BITCH! So Rico gets promoted to squad leader and during a training mission gone awry, one of his dudes gets shot in the noggin' with a laser gun. So Rico gets demoted and puts in his resignation. He's about to call his mommy (his folks never wanted him to leave in the first place), but- BOOM!!! The call is cut short. A meteor hits Buenos Aires!!



Turns out the Arachnids sent out an asteroid and it collided with the Earth (exactly where Rico's folks lived). They're all pissed because apparently the Earthlings have been invading their airspace. Rico comes out of the phone booth to find all his boys running to man the battleships. He goes to his sergeant and begs to be reactivated for duty. They're reluctant until they here that his whole city was blown up and he has no place to go. So the troops get deployed to the Bug planet to get revenge on the millions they've killed. Too bad the whole mission is bunged up and the earth troops get their asses handed to them. Rico gets hurt and is listed as killed in action and even thought she's banging his worst enemy, Carmen still cares enough about him to check and see if he's dead. But he gets rebuilt in a space age water chamber that looks like some Weapon X shit. And then Dizzy, Ace (Busey) and Rico are sent to join the Roughnecks. Basically a bunch of tough ass space marines led by none other than Michael Ironsides (SCANNERS) who used to be Rico & Dizzy's high school civics teacher. Small world huh?



So, Rico and his Roughnecks go check out a distress call at an outpost on a distant planet that turns out to be a bug ambush. Thousands of bugs come out of no where and start swarming on the troops. His ex girl is nearby and brings a ship down to rescue them. Doogie Howser ends up being a psychic bigwig and puts Rico in charge of finding this "smart bug" that's controlling all the other bugs. I won't tell you how this one ends because its pretty much a classic! You're either into or not, so there's no point here in me telling you what to do. Just enlist already!

Friday, February 7, 2014

Rocknowledgy Episode 42 with special guest BRENT HINES of MASTODON!!



Alahoyus Thorriors and Rocknowledgists!! Me and the T-6000 have a very special treat for you this month! We went to the studio in Nashville where Brent Hines was working on the new Mastodon record and then we went down to Alabama and recorded this episode! It was an insane experience to say the least, but I'm here to tell you, Rocknowledgists, Thorriors, Mastodon fans and fans of music in general will enjoy this inside look- and I have no qualms about saying EXCLUSIVE SCOOP... on everything going on in the Masto-world!! We talk about all of Brent's influences and he throws down a mean gauntlet of rocknowledge! I ALMOST don't wanna give away the playlist because of how special all the stories are!! Prepare for it boys and goils. Spread the word! This one's a keeper!!

Here's a direct link to the episode: http://traffic.libsyn.com/rocknowledgy/Rocknowledgy_Episode_42_w__Brent_Hinds.mp3

Or here's the downloadable page yall:
http://rocknowledgy.libsyn.com/

Episode 42 playlist:
T-6000 intro,
Mastodon- Octopus Has No Friends,
Black Sabbath- Children of the Grave,
Dire Straits- Sultans of Swing,
Slim Whitman- I Remember You,
Eric Clapton- Cocaine,
Van Halen- Jump,
Fiend Without A Face- Calypso,
Neurosis- Locust Star,
Melvins- Sacrifice,
Thin Lizzy- Chinatown,
Zebulon Pike- Space Is The Corpse Of Time,
The Mars Volta- Drunkship of Lanterns,
Suzukiton- VIII,
T-6000 outro,
Mastodon- Curl of the Burl

Thursday, February 6, 2014

Bad/Awesome Flixxx Review: Ronin (1998)



"Yeah. I once removed a guy's appendix with a grapefruit spoon." - Sam

"Tell me about an ambush. I ambushed you with a cup of coffee!" - Sam

"No questions. No answers. That's the business we're in. You just accept it and move on. Maybe that's lesson number three." - Vincent

Man, this has always been one of my favorite chase films. I saw this in the theater back in 98. Some counter intelligence spy vs spy- "get the suitcase" type shit with insane car chases through Nice and Paris. Stellar cast equals an awesome ensemble flick too. Robert DeNiro, Sean Bean, Jean Reno, 2 other dudes and an Irish chick star in RONIN!!!





We start off with DeNiro- he plays a dude named Sam who is creeping around outside of a bar. He's very wary of meeting up here in Paris with this Irish chick and this French dude, and some other dude. They were all hired by some "man in a wheelchair" to pull off some kind of job. The Irish chick (Deirdre) is supposed to be their contact but over the course of the next thirty minutes we find out that she knows fuck all about what they're doing there, or at least she's TELLING THEM FUCK ALL. DeNiro questions her relentlessly because as we also come to learn, he is a total professional and is not to be fucked with. They meet up with a Swedish dude and Sean Bean. Sean Bean's character acts much the way he did in the first LORD OF THE RINGS flick. He's cocky and arrogant, and in this case at least, he is completely full of shit and gets called on it. Basically, Deirdre tells them they have to intercept this case from a bunch of armed dudes and they'll have to do it while driving. That's about all she tells them. They start to plan the mission by getting the equipment they need: cars, guns, shit like that... and then while buying guns they end up having to kill the dealers who were gonna fuck them over, and Sam sees right away that Sean Bean is a chicken shit fraud who'll get them killed. They end up going on a chase through Paris to avoid the cops and barely get out without getting caught. Meanwhile Deirdre meets up with her boss Seamus, who is in the IRA. He tells her the Russians with the briefcase are gonna make the deal soon and they need to get a move on.



So the next day they're making a plan and Sam calls out Sean Bean on his bullshit and they tell him to kick rocks and then they split to Nice. When they get there the team sets up camp near the hotel where the Russian dudes are staying. Sam wants to get a closer look so he takes Deirdre out and they pose as a couple and Sam pulls some sweet moves to get super up close and take pics of the bad guys and sees that they're pros. Then he pulls even smoother moves by making out with Deirdre so as to stay covert and hide from the coppers. Then the next day, Sam and his team ambush the unsuspecting Russians and we get a 20 plus minute machine gun car chase through the countryside and Old Town Nice and down into the Port. At this point, the Swedish dude fucks them all over and steals the case for himself and completely bails without a trace!! At this point it gets a bit complicated as any good espionage movie would. A lot of people fucking other dudes over, some people using other people's weaknesses to their advantage. It really turns out to be a movie about the IRA and the Russian mob and an important briefcase and those who get tangled up in the web and the fallout of who is willing to go exactly how far it takes to possess it.



Swedish dude tries to sell to a buddy from the KGB. KGB wants to fuck him over. Swede kills him. Swede contacts Russian mob leader. Says he'll sell it to the IRA if mob doesn't pay 3 or 4 times what they were already gonna give for it. Mob leader says cool. Sam's team tracks Swede and a heavy gun battle goes down. Swede escapes but is captured by Seamus (IRA leader). He takes Deirdre with him too. So we find out she's crooked. Sam saves Vincent (Jean Reno) but is wounded badly and Vincent takes him to see this weird dude who paints little samurai models. Sam sews himself up while the weird dude tells him the story of the old Ronin's who killed their betrayers and then committed seppuku on themselves after it was over. I'm not sure what they were trying to get out of that. None of the guys kill themselves after seeking revenge. I wondered if they were going to when I saw it in the theater, but subsequently I've never gotten it. I guess it just sounded cool. "Yeah, fuckin' Ronin, man." HA!



So the IRA dude figures out that the Swede mailed the case to himself, they go to pick it up and Sam & Vincent are on their asses. Another high speed chase through Paris. Then they figure out the Russians pulled a switcheroo on them and that mob guys girlfriend is a big time figure skater. The case is a fucking figure skate box, so they go see the chick perform and find the Swede dead after threatening to kill them for the case. As soon as the mob guy drops the Swede, a sniper drops the mob guys girlfriend WHILE SHES SKATING causing the whole arena to freak out and split. In the ensuing chaos Seamus kills the mob guy, steals the case and Sam reveals to Deirdre that he's actually working for the CIA and she should high tale it. He let her go after she had fucked him over so badly that he could've been killed several times over. That's love yall. Anyway, a few more introspective perhaps philosophical things happen, but all in all, that's the story on this one. Should you see it? If you love car chase movies and/or spy films, this is highly highly recommended partner.