Saturday, September 29, 2012

Bad/awesome flixxx review: Rocktober Blood (1984)

"Mmhmmhahahaha...blood....I want your hot...steaming....pussy blood... all over my face...hahahaha" - Billy Eye

"Yer crazy Billy, Mary's hanging up there dead and you want me to sing..." - Lynn

"No I'm not sayin yer crazy, you sign the paychecks, you want me to see Billy Eye, I see Billy Eye." - Security dude

Talk about a pile of bullshit.  If ever there was a hard one to get through.  I kept thinking, this is supposed to be awesome.  Ryan from Municipal Waste stood by this one.  My boy Bay Bay stood by this one.  This HAS to get better.  They were full of shit or pulling a fast one on me, jack.  This definitely starts off funny as Hell, but runs hard into the ground- FAST.  I fell asleep like six times trying to get through it.  Before I finished, Ryan said, "Yeah, the beginning is great, then it loses steam, but THE END IS GREAT."  Yes, that's a direct quote.  But, NO ITS NOT.  Don't be fooled.  A ton of motherfuckers you've never heard of, except for maybe all of the dudes in the never was band Sorcerer, starring in ROCKTOBER BLOOD!!!

This one begins with singer of this band named Billy Eye belting out a suuuuper long, "yeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh" and then commencing to sing the full lyrics for his band's song "I'm back" while his friends look on in the recording studio during the opening credits. As soon as he's finished, he's like, "I'm out." and his girl Lynn is like where are you going, and he says, I got a date with a hot chick, I'm gonna go bang her. And Lynn says, did you tell her you wrote the songs for her like you did me? And he says yes of course, she's an idiot just like you. And laughs in her face. Then she goes to sing some back ups on this horrible song called "Rainbow Eyes" that must play about 18 times in this movie. The engineer tells her she's hating it, and really, let's be honest, who in the fuck begins recording vocals at 3:30 am? No one. So she decides to go hit the jacuzzi, and after being denied an invitation, the engineer goes to the "game room". Then he gets iced playing pinball. Then this killer (who wears big boots) kills the receptionist chick and tries to get Lynn, but she locked the door. Also, Lynn takes at least 5 baths in this movie. Upside for you is that she looks pretty nice naked. Downside for you is that's the only upside. So she gets out of the jacuzzi and comes down and finds Billy smoking a joint and laughing hysterically behind the board. She doesn't expect him and he makes some puns about the others being dead, and then she freaks out and he attempts to kill her but a cop busts in and then- flashforward!

Then we get a "two years later" card and now Lynn sings for the band who call themselves Headmistress. We get a cartoon version of a "VJ" who informs us everything we need to know to catch us up to speed. Billy Eye went on a rampage and killed over 20 people before being captured and then put to death. Apparently it was Lynn who identified him before the court. So the VJ is interviewing Lynn and some dude in a mask tells her to meet up with the tour manager Nigel (singer of Sorcerer) in the office. She goes to meet Nigel but the masked guy is there and he takes it off and BOO! It's fucking Billy Eye, looking stoned again and laughing maniacally. Personally I don't think Billy is that scary. I'd have just hit him over the head with something but Lynn ends up crying on the floor. So Billy Eye stalks Lynn for about 45 minutes too long for anyone in their right minds to handle. He keeps killing people and making Lynn look like an doofus because everyone saw Billy dead. Her friend convinces them to dig up his grave. You would think that she would REALLY feel like an idiot when they find that he was really dead, and she does... UNTIL Billy shows up again. Jokes on her though, it was his crybaby "I'm the genius writer" twin brother all the time! So he knocks her out and shoves her in a casket on stage. He reveals himself to everyone onstage and the band- INSTEAD OF FREAKING THE FUCK OUT- the drummer goes, "just play I'm Back!" and so they do. Then he almost kills Lynn, but the big security guy smashes a guitar over twin brother's head. End of movie. This is bad, but as always, in this business, bad is good. I think.

Thursday, September 27, 2012

Rocknowledgy Episode 35 is up up up!!!!

Alahoyus Thorriors, Rocknowledgists, True Believers, and other assorted various characters!!! Time now for the 35th episode of Rocknowledgy. I made this episode at the beach just hours before succumbing to either a) one vicious fucking 24 hour virus that resonated for twice that long, or b) the most volatile, violent, and vociferous vomiting sesh of food poisoning I've ever encountered. THIS WAS HEAVY SHIT. Thankfully that is over, and a full morning of sun up surfing did my body (and my hair)- just right. I'm feeling great, and I hope you are too! Me and the T-6000 already have Episode 36 half cobbled together too, so you won't have to wait so long betwixt this time. Either way, a lot of these are long ass jams and that equals our longest show yet.... More soon! Enjoy!

download or stream here or get from iTunes later today!!!

Episode 35 playlist:
 T6K intro,
Hot Snakes- Retrofit,
Coven- White Witch of Rose Hall,
 TSOL- Code Blue,
 Orion- Honey,
 Lecherous Gaze- Scorpion,
 The O'Jays- Ship Ahoy,
 UFO- Doctor Doctor,
 Action Patrol- P.C.A.,
 Easy Star All-Stars- Thriller (MJ cover),
 Uriah Heep- All My Life,
 Glass Candy- Computer Love (Kraftwerk cover),
 Colossus- Jihad! Jihad!,
 New Order- All the Way,
 T6K outro,
 Sonny Stitt- Old Folks

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Bad/awesome flixxx review: Far Out Man (1990)

"Hey, don't you know who I am? I'm C. Thomas Howell! I was the black dude in "Soul Man"!" - C. Thomas Howell

"When I snap my fingers, you're going to call me a cab and write me a check for $20,000." - Dr. Liddledick

"Little dick, huh? Well, at least you've got one." - Far Out Man

Not much to this one, except a ton of cameos. I'm not sure if they were all just Chong's friends or what. A lot of people play themselves. There's a lot of breaking the fourth wall and other weird attempts (?) at comedy which is what the movie is labeled as. In the beginning credits it says: A TOMMY CHONG ATTEMPT. So Chong, and his whole family with cameos by Judd Nelson, C Thomas Howell, Reynaldo Rey, Michael Winslow, Martin Mull and a ton of others star (?) in FAR OUT MAN!!!

When this one begins, Rae Dawn Chong (playing herself) is driving a shrink (Martin Mull) out to meet with her burnt out super rich father. Dr Liddledick (Mull) tries to hypnotize "Far Out Man" into figuring out his problem. Turns out his problem is that he never got over his second wife- Tree (Shelby Chong). Liddledick isn't really concerned about anything but money (like most people) so he tries to quickly get over the whole ordeal by suggesting that FOM hit the road. So taking the good Dr literally, FOM loads up his tiny trailer and hooks it up to his big rig and hits the road as a "roadie". Never negotiating any deal between any band or manager or club or agent, he just shows up and starts unloading guitars.

Tree is dating C Thomas Howell (playing himself). She has a really square son named Kyle. He listens to Mozart and reads books. Tree wanted to be in FOM's band once upon a time, but everyone thought she sucked so he kicked her out. He tried to be smooth about it, but it didn't go well. So its been years since he saw his son. Somehow, Tree and C T Howell get separated from Kyle and he begins to hitchhike and FOM picks him up and takes him along to the next gig in Fresno. Then they get into a bar fight. Finally they reach the gig. The TM (tour manager) for whatever band played (they never even really show them) asks FOM to get him some cocaine. But FOM doesn't do that shit. But the dude wants it bad, so FOM hits the drugstore and chops up a bunch of tylenol and aspirin and gives it to the dude swearing its "pure". The dude toots it and gives the performance of his career. Its the scene that most people remember from this movie. "GAHHHHHHHD-AMMNNN!!!!...... SHIT MAN...... GAHHHHDAMMNNNN."

The TM O.D.'s and FOM brings him back to life with his electric guitar that shocks you. They fire him, so he heads back down south. Kyle has transformed into a punk rock kid and they pick up a few more hitchhikers on the way. Meanwhile Tree has been trying to find Kyle. FOM keeps bother Rae Dawn Chong on set and she keeps cleverly getting rid of him. Finally he runs into Tree driving a tow truck and she ditches C Thomas to ride with FOM. She tells him she's lost their son. So FOM goes on a hunt to find him and buys some toy guns thinking his son is still a little kid. Some hijinx ensue when he ends up walking onto an airfield sporting real looking toy machine guns.

Finally everyone figures out that Kyle is the son and FOM is psyched at how things work out. He never gets in any trouble, he just wanders through life in a fog, which is kind of how a lot of dudes get by. C Thomas Howell loses the flick he was trying to get and he slanders Judd Nelson, then meets him and kisses his ass, then Tree gets offered a part in the flick he just lost the role in. He has a HUGE hissy fit and is kind of taking the piss out of the industry and himself and the "bratpack", but what's ironic is that I can't think of a single flick he did after this until I saw the new AMAZING SPIDERMAN (2012) last week. Weird. But anyway, should you see this? Nah, actually don't waste your time, just youtube the clip with Lou the Tour Manager. It's far out. man.

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Limited Edition Prints for sale!!!

Hey everyone. I've got brand new prints from my art show LIVIN' FOR THE $ITY, hand numbered and signed in a limited edition of 50. I'm selling them 2 different ways:
A) 25 sets of all 6 are available for only $50, OR
B) 25 sets are split into SERIES #1 and SERIES #2 - 3 different prints each = $30.

If you want them get them now because they'll go fast. Just write to me (smokedoggg at gmail dot com). I'll have you paypal the money to the same address, but write to me first to make sure they are still available.

If you want to choose a set of 3, let me know if you want the 3 three on the left (SERIES #1) or the three on the right (SERIES #2)!