Saturday, February 8, 2014
Bad/Awesome Flixxx Review: Starship Troopers (1997)
"No. Something given has no basis in value. When you vote, you are exercising political authority, you're using force. And force my friends is violence. The supreme authority from which all other authorities are derived." - Rasczak
"They sucked his brains out." - Rasczak
"You're some sort of big, fat, smart-bug, aren't you?" - Johnny Rico
Paul Verhoeven is a dutch director that has made some all time classic blockbusters: TOTAL RECALL, ROBOCOP, BASIC INSTINCT, SHOWGIRLS, AND HOLLOWMAN. This is another one of his classic jams from the 90s. A story adapted from a novel by Robert Heinlein of the same name. This story is a war machine production set in the future that follows a new recruit on his climb to the top as aliens invade our airspace, and Earth goes to battle against some evil space bugs. Denise Richards, Jake Busey, Doogie Howser and Michael Ironside star in STARSHIP TROOPERS!!!
So in the future its just how we all picture it. Man has reached out to the stars and has begun colonizing other planets. Back here on Earth, just to even be a citizen, you have to do some kind of community service. Those in charge call it "civic duty". Sounds like some heavy fucking "jury duty" to have to join the space marines! If you don't do that, then you can't vote and you're considered second class. OR... you're rich. Either way, Johnny Rico is this dude who's from Buenos Aires. Don't ask me how so many white people live down in Buenos Aires, its the future, ok? His girlfriend is Charlie Sheen's ex ol' lady and she says she's gonna enlist when she graduates. So does their friend Doogie Howser. He's super smart (we all know he's been a doctor since he was a kid), and he ranks up super high in the final test scores. Denise ranks high enough to be a pilot. But poor Rico isn't smart enough for all that, but determined, he enlists anyway to become one of the dudes on the front line. The movie is full of segue-way propaganda ads that look like the old reels they played before movies back in the 40s during WWII.
So they go off to training and this hot curly headed chick named Dizzy (who played football with Rico) followed him into the infantry because (just like he digs Carmen (Denise)) she digs him. But Rico is oblivious. He befriends Jake Busey (PCU, THE STONED AGE) and they become fast friends. They have a tough commander training them and then one day Carmen sends an ipad message to Rico telling him she's moving on. BITCH! Even worse than that, she's been hanging around and banging his ex dickhead jock football rival!! FUCK-IN' BITCH! So Rico gets promoted to squad leader and during a training mission gone awry, one of his dudes gets shot in the noggin' with a laser gun. So Rico gets demoted and puts in his resignation. He's about to call his mommy (his folks never wanted him to leave in the first place), but- BOOM!!! The call is cut short. A meteor hits Buenos Aires!!
Turns out the Arachnids sent out an asteroid and it collided with the Earth (exactly where Rico's folks lived). They're all pissed because apparently the Earthlings have been invading their airspace. Rico comes out of the phone booth to find all his boys running to man the battleships. He goes to his sergeant and begs to be reactivated for duty. They're reluctant until they here that his whole city was blown up and he has no place to go. So the troops get deployed to the Bug planet to get revenge on the millions they've killed. Too bad the whole mission is bunged up and the earth troops get their asses handed to them. Rico gets hurt and is listed as killed in action and even thought she's banging his worst enemy, Carmen still cares enough about him to check and see if he's dead. But he gets rebuilt in a space age water chamber that looks like some Weapon X shit. And then Dizzy, Ace (Busey) and Rico are sent to join the Roughnecks. Basically a bunch of tough ass space marines led by none other than Michael Ironsides (SCANNERS) who used to be Rico & Dizzy's high school civics teacher. Small world huh?
So, Rico and his Roughnecks go check out a distress call at an outpost on a distant planet that turns out to be a bug ambush. Thousands of bugs come out of no where and start swarming on the troops. His ex girl is nearby and brings a ship down to rescue them. Doogie Howser ends up being a psychic bigwig and puts Rico in charge of finding this "smart bug" that's controlling all the other bugs. I won't tell you how this one ends because its pretty much a classic! You're either into or not, so there's no point here in me telling you what to do. Just enlist already!