bad/awesome flixxx review: The Stuff (1985)

"Don't you know who I am? I am Chocolate-Chip Charlie! My hands are registered with the mid-New Jersey police as lethal weapons, and I eat them guns for breakfast!" - Chocolate Chip Charlie Hobbs

"Everybody has to eat shaving cream once in a while" - Mo Rutherford

"I kinda like the sight of blood... but this is disgusting! " - Col. Malcolm Grommett Spears

One of the better "bad" flicks I've seen in a really long while! I had no idea what it was about, hadn't heard anything about it, I just went purely on the cover and the recommendation of netflix for this one. A super low budget flick made in '85 that is SO low budge that it looks like it was made in '80. Paul Sorvino, Garrett Morris, and longtime LA LAW dude Michael Moriarty star in THE STUFF!!!





Some old man is digging around in the ground at a quarry and sees some "stuff" that looks like marshmallow fluff bubbling up outta the ground. Don't ask me why he decided to try it. Maybe it was the smell. Maybe it smelled good. Because that is the ONLY way that I'd try and taste something that was oozing up out of the ground. I GUESS maybe I'd try that. But, you'd have a hard time convincing me that it was safe. Anyway flashforward and the shit is already in production. It's everywhere. People are buying it, there's a HUGE marketing campaign behind it, and we see commercials reppin' it and stores stocking it. We are then introduced to a family with two sons. The parents are just getting into it. They all love it, except for the youngest son.



The youngest son is kind of freaked out about how ga-ga his family is going for this shit. He opens the fridge at night after waking up and sees it move in the fridge and his dad catches him up at night and FREAKS OUT. He acts like he's going to beat him for being out of bed. Jebus, the kid just wanted a late night snack. Or water or whatever..... dad is UPtight. Anyway, the kid tries to tell the fam what's up but they think he's crazy. Either way, he's over "the stuff". Cut to a boardroom of ice cream execs. Former ice cream rivals have teamed up and hired an ex FBI man named "Mo" Rutherford (he's REALLY psyched on his nickname) who's a corpo saboteur to help rid them of their new nemesis "The Stuff" before it bankrupts them all. So in the beginning, I'm thinking Mo is a bad guy. But he's like a super charming dude full of colloquialisms all throughout the movie, and it makes me want to watch more flicks with him in it. So Mo starts to dig around, meets and swoons the chick who came up with the campaign (but has no idea how harmful the Stuff is). Then Mo goes to the town where the Stuff was first found, and meets up with Chocolate Chip Charlie, a cookie mogul who is trying to keep from going out of business himself. They see a deserted town with some weird motherfuckers creeping around and decide to bolt.



Meanwhile, the young kid goes on a rampage in a grocery store and kicks the shit out of the whole store because he's so disgusted and wants to stop the Stuff from doing whatever evil shit he knows its doing. Mo catches wind of this story and goes to find the kid. Just in time too because the kids folks are taken over by the shit and the fridge is full and he tries to fool them, but they almost kill him. He says fuck em and hops a ride with Mo. Over the next lil bit, Mo and the kid, and the chick witness an whole array of dudes who are eaten up on the insides by the Stuff and it is somehow alive and looks like it can form into shit like that old cartoon Gleep from THE HERCULOIDS. They find out that its all a huge corpo scheme ran by some old 1% looking dudes that want to end world hunger and probably would RATHER it not kill everyone and take over their bodies, but they don't really give a shit, as long as people keep buying their product and they keep getting richer, then fuck everyone.



So our heroes find out that the Stuff is coming from this big lake and they hijack a tanker full of it, and Mo goes to see an old war buddy who's this psycho militia guy, but who is a powerful dude nonetheless. He has men, and radio stations, and they start spreading the word on the shit. We think we've seen the last of the stuff, but when Mo confronts the old man in charge, in walks the ice cream execs, and they've struck up a deal where they mix the Stuff with 88% ice cream, just enough to get everyone hooked but not take over their minds. BULLSHIT says Mo and the kid, and they bring in a case of the Stuff and make them eat it at gunpoint. VENGEANCE. Epilogue? Bootleggers selling The Stuff out of the back of vans on the black market. YOU CAN'T STOP THE STUFF BROTHA!! Should you? Yup.

bad/awesome flixxx review: Mad Max 2: The Road Warrior (1981)

"*No!* *No more talk!* We go in! We kill! Kill! We kill 'em! They kill us, we kill them! Kill 'em! Kill 'em! Kill! Kill!" - Wez

"Greetings from The Humungus! The Lord Humungus! The Warrior of the Wasteland! The Ayatollah of Rock and Rolla!" - Toadie

"The last of the V8 Interceptors... a piece of history!... Would've been a shame to blow it up." - crippled mechanic

This happens to be the first sequel to one of my top 3 favorite films. I've always been a fan of post apocalyptic comics, books, art, and films, with this being a big influence on many many terrible(r) films to come after it. Watching it now can feel like its theme is a bit overdone, but if you go back, it was something of a trendsetter cinematography-wise, and was actually a box office smash unlike many of the copycat flicks that came later. A lot of the look from this movie from the desert setting to the outfits to the vehicles design were copied into bigtime and low budget films. Either way, it totally rules, Mel Gibson reprising his role as Max Rockatansky the outback roving ex-cop driven mad from the death of his family at the hands of total deadbeat biker creeps in THE ROAD WARRIOR!!!!





Its business as usual for ol Max when this tale begins, even if its been several years, possibly even a decade since his family was killed. When the tale begins, the narrator recants the events of the first movie and lets us know how the Earth has fallen into decay. Max is still hauling ass down the Australian highways searching for the ever coveted bit of petrol, when he is fallen upon by a gang of punk rockers led by an underboss of a bigger gang. This mohawked biker sics his gang on a deadly chase for miles and miles until most of his loose battalion are either wrecked or dead. When Max comes upon an overturned big rig and stops to grab what little gas he can dripping from the manifold, him and Wez (the mohawk guy) stare each other down before Wez and his golden haired boy biker companion decide to live another day. Max collects what he can and heads on down the road until he comes upon a weird gyro copter. It has a snake on it, and the pilot gets the jump on Max when he jumps up out of the sand and holds a bead on him with a bow and arrow.



The pilot is soon overpowered by Max and very quickly promised Max all the gasoline he can handle. When Max asks where, the pilot tells him about a band of survivors out in the desert operating a small refinery. Max brings him there and looks down from a ridge to see the bigger gang of marauding biker/dune buggy thugs circling the refinery compound. The gang's leader is named Humongus and he has a microphone rigged to yell at them to surrender and offers them safe passage out of the desert if they will just leave and give them all the gasoline. The refiners say bullshit and shoot flamethrowers out at the gang day and night. Some of the refiners try to leave and take several cars and try to outrun the gang. The women are caught and raped, and the men beaten. Max sneaks up and rescues one guy who is almost dead and returns him to the refinery in exchange for as much gas as he can take with him. So he does that, but the guy dies. Then the refiners are about to kick Max's ass and kill his dog, but then the gang shows back up. Humongus makes the offer again and some of the refiners think that since a bunch of them were just raped and killed, that maybe they should give up. They think maybe they should just give the gang the gas. But the head dude says no fucking way, they've worked really hard for that shit, and there's no way they're just going to give it to those thugs. So there's also this little kid called the Feral Kid. He can't talk, he grunts, he's got a sweet mullet, and he's a fucking killer with a boomerang. While all the dudes are raging out there, he sneaks out and slings his boomarang and kills the boy that rides on the back of Wez's motorcycle. And then he cuts off the fingers of the announcer Toadie. He's laughing and cutting backflips, but then Wez goes fucking APESHIT. Humongus puts him in a sleeper hold and tells them that there's been too much violence. They have a day to decide if they live or die.



So while the refiners are arguing on what they should do, because they don't even have a truck that can haul the gas out if they wanted to, Max says, well look, I say a truck that can make this shit happen. I'll get you the truck, in exchange for my car back and that gas I was originally promised. They say deal. So he sneaks out and makes it back to the truck. And the pilot is there waiting on him to help him. Then it takes him a while to get back to the refinery because the gang is dogging him the whole way trying to kill his ass. He finally makes it back and then decides to split. But the refiners are like, "hey man, come on, you have to help us out. You have to drive this thing 2000 miles for us so we can all hang out in paradise." We get a sense that they are hanging on to an old "postcard" dream that Max somehow knows doesn't exist anymore. But he hasn't the heart to tell them. He gets his gas and splits. But soon enough, the fucking gang is after him again and Wez uses a homemade killing machine with nitrous oxide on it and wrecks into Max causing him to flip his Interceptor, and they kill his dog. He hides out while they accidentally blow up his car and then he's rescued by the gyro copter pilot. His eye is fucked and his leg is fucked and he looks like death, but as the refiners get ready to split, Max finally volunteers to drive the big rig.



So Max has made friends with the Feral Kid (he gave him a little wind up music machine) and the kid stows away on the rig. The rig is now heavily armored with several of the refiners helping to fend off gang members including the mechanic guy and the tough exterior bow and arrow babe. Max drives like hell, and the bad dudes give chase like hell. I shouldn't ruin the end of this one, but suffice to say, you should see it, and you should prepare yourself for when shit might get this bad for us.

bad/awesome flixxx review: The Crow (1994)

"Abashed the Devil stood and felt how awful goodness is. " - T Bird

"I got trouble. One of my crew got himself perished. Tin Tin, somebody stuck his blades in all his major organs in alphabetical order." - T Bird

"Great. A guy shows up looking like a mime from Hell and you lose him right out in the open. Well, at least he didn't do that walking against the wind shit, I hate that." - Sgt Brecht

"So you're him, huh? The Avenger. The Killer of Killers. Nice outfit. I'm not sure about the face, though." - Top Dollar

"CAW CAW. Bang. Fuck. I'm dead." - Top Dollar

"Fire it up. Fire it up. Fire it up. Fire it up!!!!" - T Bird's gang

"I say I'm dead. AND I move." - Eric Draven

Probably the most successful goth comic book movie of all time. When I was a teenager on Earth, all of my friends wanted to see this. I can't remember how many times I DID see it in the theater, but I know I saw it the first time all by myself in there. There's only a few times that ever happened. It happened with this and with TRAINSPOTTING and with PCU. This one was also near and dear to folks in North Carolina because most of the filming was done on location in Wilmington, and it was there on set that lead actor Brandon Lee was accidentally killed. That was huge news and probably got as many Bruce Lee/ martial arts fans to go to see the flick as it did comic book nerds and goth/industrial music enthusiasts. Brandon Lee and Ernie Hudson star in THE CROW!!!!





The night before Halloween, Officer Ernie Hudson is at the scene of a crime that will repeat throughout the movie in flashback sequences. A lady named Shelly was supposed to be married to the guitar player/singer of the band Hangman's Joke named Eric Draven. As the story unfolds, you come to find out that Shelly had been writing notes of complaint to her super. The super is involved in some sort of mafia scenario where he pays a guy who hires a group of thugs to take care of the complaints. Also the guy he hires (Top Dollar) is some sort of sadistic mob boss who burns down buildings on "Hell Night" (the night before Halloween). So the thugs were a gang led by T-Bird, and they rape and beat Shelly until her fiancee comes home and they stab and shoot him and then sling him out of the top floor window to where he falls to his death. (The knife scene replaced the actual scene where Brandon Lee was killed by a dummy bullet lodged inside of the chamber of a gun that was supposed to be filled with blanks). A young skateboarder girl named Sarah was in the care of the two lovers because her mother is a heroin addict, and she comes home to Ernie Hudson telling her that everything will be alright, but she's too street-smart to believe that shit.



The screen reads: ONE YEAR LATER. Sarah skates up and has a hot dog with Sgt Ernie. For some reason the Detective in charge of the case is always on Sgt Ernie's ass. It happens a few times in the movie. I think it doesn't come through in the movie, but I'm pretty sure in the original comic, the detective knew what T-Bird's gang was up to and was being paid off by Top Dollar to let them go about business as usual. I think in the comic he gets his comeuppance. So a magic crow pecks on Eric Draven's headstone, and suddenly and "unexplainedly" he somehow crawls up out of his grave. His skin is still intact and he hasn't decayed at all like you do when you're dead. He goes back into the apartment, and starts having flashbacks. He paints his face like a harlequin mask and puts on some of Shelly's bondage gear when he finds out that he is immune to all pain and his cuts and stuff heal immediately after happening. So he says fuck it, and sets off to avenge his and Shelly's death.



Draven sees a guy through the eyes of the magic crow. The guy is Tin Tin, a thug that stabbed him with knives. He sticks all of Tin Tin's knives in his chest and uses his blood to paint some crow graffiti on a wall. Then Draven has a run in with Sgt Ernie and disappears before he can do anything. Then Draven goes to the pawn shop that Tin Tin pawned Shelly's ring in, gets it back and burns the whole joint down, leaving the asshole pawn dude alive to warn the others that he's coming for them. Then Draven goes after Fun Boy. Fun Boy is banging Sarah's mom and giving her drugs. Fun Boy shoots Draven in the hand and then freaks when the hole in the hand closes up and Draven is just laughing at him. Draven shoots him in the leg and then drags him into a cold shower. Draven grabs Shelly's mom and squeezes the heroin out of her arm and tells her to go be a good mom. She runs out and Top Dollar's right hand man runs up to see Draven jump out of a window and Fun Boy with a ton of needles jabbed into his chest. Cut to Top Dollar's lair where he's hanging with his equally sadistic Asian (sister) girlfriend and the pawn shop guy. The right hand man comes to tell of his Draven encounter and the pawnshop guy is super smarmy and for his troubles gets a sword jabbed into his throat! SICK!!



Draven grabs T-Bird as him and Skank (the last 2 members of the gang) are grabbing snacks. Draven ties him to his car and ties some explosives to him and then has him drive off a pier, where the car explodes before it even hits the water. Skank escapes and reports the incident to Top Dollar in a very hilarious speedfreak manner. Top Dollar plans a huge Hell Night crime spree. Draven busts in an annihilates everyone in the room a la the mob scene from THE PUNISHER (the Dolph Lundgren one), and Top Dollar and his dude and chick escape. Draven throws Skank through a window where if I'm not mistaken, he falls into a My Life With The Thrill Kill Kult concert ruining several concert goers night on the town. (By the way, I had this soundtrack on cassette, and it pretty much ruled at the time.... Pantera, Nine Inch Nails covering Joy Division, etc.). So then Sarah is kidnapped by Top Dollar's right hand man, and Draven realizes he has one last mission. He goes to fight them, but the asian chick wounds the magic crow and suddenly he isn't invincible anymore. But then the Sgt kills the right hand man, the asian chick tries to suck the magic powers from the crow but it pecks her eyes out and she falls to her death. Then Draven goes after Top Dollar but gets shot. Earlier Draven sucked the 30 hours of pain that Shelly suffered in the hospital out of the Sgt's head, and right as he's about to get killed he touches Top Dollar and gives him the 30 hours of pain at once. Top Dollar loses balance and falls to be engorged upon a gargoyle's horns. Draven goes back into his grave and as Sarah leans over it to say her respects, the magic crow drops the engagement ring into her hands and flies away. Should you see this? Yes! You already should have! I'm going to try to watch the 3 sequels and find the Canadian television adaptation now too. Pretty sure they are garbage, but WE. SHALL. SEE.

bad/awesome flixxx review: Heathers (1988)

"Shut up, Paul. Now I've seen a lot of bullshit. Angel dust. Switchblades. Sexually perverse photography exibits involving tennis rackets. But this suicide thing... guess that's more on Pauline's wavelength." - Principal

"I don't patronize bunny rabbits." - Veronica's dad

"My son's a homosexual, and I love him. I love my dead gay son." - Kurt's dad

"You go to the zoo and you get a lion. Stick a remote control bomb up it's butt... push the button on the bomb and you and the lion die like one." - Heavy metal parking lot dude

"Get crucial! She was dialing suicide hotlines in her diapers! " - Heather Duke

"My God, suicide. Why?" - Cop #1
"Does *this* answer your question?" [holds up bottle of mineral water found next to one of the bodies] - Cop #2
"Oh man! They were fags?" - Cop #1

Whoa! What a wild flick. This was way headier than I remember. Pretty dark humor with some language that would TOTALLY not fly anymore. Its funny how many flicks from the 80s threw around the word "fags" like it was no big deal. The same can be said about that certain other racist epithet that I don't use that was used in MANY prime time television shows in the 70s. Strange how our language changes as the times change. I don't use those words because I don't promote hate speech. I'd say that more often than not they are used in an offensive manner, so I think its best to steer clear. This flick was made in a time where it was deemed humorous. I actually never watched this one all the way through until last night. Or really, If I did, I was pretty stoned or maybe it was a pass out or make out type situation where you never get through it. I knew enough, but never was sure if this was "classic" or "cult" material or not. I did know a ton of my friends have always loved it. So here it is- Christian Slater, Winona Ryder, & Shannon Doherty in HEATHERS!!!!





The film starts out with the 4 most popular girls of a rich Ohio high school playing croquet. Three of them are named Heather and the narrator/protagonist is named Veronica. One Heather is the leader, one is a cheerleader and one is a bulimic follower. The Heathers are total bitches to everyone in school yet they are the most popular. You can tell that Veronica grows tired of their bullshit yet she is still caught up in their games of hurting others feeling and basically bullying everyone else in school. A new kid, JD (Slater) shows up at school and he's clearly disgusted by the Heathers disregard for anyone else's feelings. Veronica falls for him, and so begins her journey to pull herself away from the Heathers gravitational pull.



The main Heather takes Veronica to a college party and they meet up with two college dudes who clearly just want to fuck them. Its pretty disgusting watching this as an adult, knowing that these college dudes are just out to bang these underage high school girls. It would have been different watching when I was in high school, and probably not too frowned upon to go after a 17 year old chick if you're 19 or 20... But- If you're 19 or 20 weren't you going after 22-24.... Aren't you still going after like the "24"s ? Seems like a prime number. Anyway, these dudes didn't even try to hide the fact that they didn't give a shit, they just wanted to "get laid". Veronica was over it very quickly, and she puked just thinking about how gross the whole situation was. Heather was pissed, and they cuss each other out, and Veronica goes home, writes in her diary, and fantasizes about killing Heather. She even says, "I'll be kissing her ass tomorrow...." knowing that she is hooked on the high of teenage popularity. JD has other plans.



Shortly after she crawls in bed, JD comes rap rap rapping at yonder window and they fuck in the garden. Next morning they break into Heather's house to "make her puke". JD pours some Draino in a cup and gives it to her. She drops dead crashing through her glass coffee table. They freak out and JD gets Veronica to use her superb handwriting skills to forge a suicide note. The ruse fools everyone except instead of making everyone realize how crass and shitty she was, everyone begins to think that Heather was misunderstood and exceptional and she becomes a sort of martyr (much to JD and V's surprise). A few days later, the two main football goons spread a rumor that Veronica took both of them in her mouth when she went on a double date with cheerleader Heather. She's pissed and wants to get revenge. JD helps her plot to shoot them with fake bullets that will make it seem like they're dead. Which was bullshit. He loads the pistols with real bullets and we start to get the feeling that JD is a fucking creep. Plus his dad has some super issues... and the dialogue between them is uncomfortably funny. They both say what they want the other to say to them. again...CREEPY. So they meet up at dawn... The jocks strip and they shoot them, but Ram almost gets away. JD gets them, but two stoner cops almost catch them. Everyone is appalled because V and JD frame them to be two closet gay teens.



Ok, so bulimic Heather becomes the new leader bully bitch Heather, V gets pissed at JD for knowing the bullets were real, the saddest chick in school (Martha Dumptruck) tries to kill herself, and cheerleader Heather calls up a local teen call in show called HOT PROBS and says she's thinking of offing herself. New bitch Heather tells the whole school and V has to end up keeping her from killing herself in the bathroom. JD blackmails new bitch Heather to pass around a petition to get a national band BIG FUN to play their prom with some devious motives behind it. Veronica is so fed up with him that she fakes her own death. He actually buys it, and reveals that the petition was really a faked suicide note from the whole school and he planned on blowing it up the next day. HEAVY. She gets down after he splits and sets about foiling his plans. She tries to shoot him, but he knocks the shit out of her in the boiler room and then she hits him with a fire extinguisher and shoots him for not turning the bomb off, but he stabs it with a knife or screwdriver and stops it accidentally. As she's leaving he shows up at the front door with the bomb and asks her what she'll do with her new life, and then he blows up. Then she takes the red scrunchie from bitch Heather indicating that she's the new sheriff in town, lights up a smoke and asks Martha Dumptruck to hang out for a movie night. Then Martha rides her mobility scooter around in a circle. Happy ending. Should you watch this? YES. With peppered popcorn, salted chocolate, a good bud, and follow it up with THE CROW.

Rocknowledgy Episode 33 is UP, with special guest Blag from the Dwarves!!

Alahoyus one and all. Thank you to all Thorriors and Rocknowledgists out there. Today we have a very special guest who throws us a very "AM radio" Rocknowledgy list. Super psyched at how it came out. Hello to you all from the T-6000 and me from here in Louisville on our day off. More and more soon!

You can download this episode for free here, or grab it over at iTunes!!
Subscribe to me over at iTunes and itll be there waiting for you!!

Episode 33 playlist:

Intro- T6K,
Dwarves- Get Outta My Life,
Stevie Wonder- Sir Duke,
The Sonics- The Witch,
The Seeds- No Escape,
13th Floor Elevators- You're Gonna Miss Me,
Jackson 5- ABC,
The Archies- Sugar, Sugar,
Joan Jett- Make Believe,
The Chordettes- Lollipop,
Looking Glass- Brandy (You're a Fine Girl),
Stevie Wonder- Livin' For the City,
O'Jays- Backstabbers,
Elton John- Crocodile Rock,
The Spinners- Workin' My Way Back To You Babe,
The Bronx- History's Stranglers,
Zeke- Flat Track,
The Supersuckers- Born with A Tail,
Dwarves- I Will Deny

bad/awesome flixxx review: Hollow Man (2000)

"You know what, Matt? It's amazing what you can do... when you don't have to look at yourself in the mirror any more." - Sebastian

"My 5th grade teacher told me, that "Genius is the ability to go from A to D without having to go through B and C." Sebastian can do that, but for me, I gotta have the B and C." - Matt

"No come on this is a good one. Superman's flying around metropolis and he's horny as hell. He's checking out the rooftops and all of a sudden he sees Wonder Woman sunning herself on the roof of the Justice League. I mean she is lying there buck naked and spread eagle. Looks like she wants to get fucked right? So Superman starts thinking to himself, "Man I gotta get myself some of that wonderpussy." and then he realizes that he can fly down, do a little fast pumping and be gone before she even sees him. Because he's Superman. he's faster than a speeding bullet, right? So Superman, he swoops down, he fucks her so quick, she doesn't even see him. Wonderwoman sits up and says, "What the fuck was that?" and The Invisible Man says "I don't know but my asshole is killing me." That's funny right?" - Sebastian

This flick has been on my list to review since I began going back through all these things. I remembered being SO excited for it, I don't know why, maybe because the effects were supposed to be really good, or maybe because I really liked MEMOIRS OF AN INVISIBLE MAN with Chevy Chase. Which was another John Carpenter joint. Anyway, who knows why I wanted to see this- I'm not that big on Kevin Bacon, and this was several years before Josh Brolin became a bigshit actor again. Either way, it has them, and Elisabeth Shue, directed by Paul Verhoeven (ROBOCOP, STARSHIP TROOPERS, TOTAL RECALL, BASIC INSTINCT), (oh and a very small cameo by smoking hot Rhona Mitra!!)- I give you HOLLOWMAN!!!





So when this one begins, we have Sebastian Cane (Bacon), a self-centered, egomaniac genius scientist who is working very hard to figure out how to create a serum that will reverse the effects of an invisibility serum that he has already successfully created. He has been working with a team of scientists for the government in association with the military. He conned them into funding the project with no intention of anyone ever being in charge of the serum but himself. One night he finally figures out how to reconstruct the DNA and keep the ingredients in the serum to where they won't make the biomolecular makeup of the subject break down and basically explode. This is very important. He has been testing the invisibility serum on various gorillas, monkeys, and dogs. So when he figures it out, he calls his crew and tells them to prep the lab and call the Nobel Peace prize guys. The next day they try to bring their big gorilla back from invisible land. It works, but with heavy "oh shit" moments where you think the poor creature's heart is going to explode. BUT- they do it.



Ok, so Cane has never gotten over his ex chick who happens to be like second in command on his team of scientists. He has plans from the beginning to win her back with his super genius skills and fuck her in celebration of their cracking of the code. Little does he know that she has been fucking the 3rd scientist in command (Brolin). Matt (Brolin) has been telling Linda (Shue) that they should tell Sebastian all along, but for some sick reason, she never does. Maybe in her head she's keeping her options open in the beginning, but we see her notice from the get go that Sebastian is slowing losing what marbles he has left. Meanwhile, Sebastian goes back to the generals and tells them that he is CLOSE to reaching a breakthrough, when he's already done it. His explanation to his colleagues is that if he tells the generals they did it, then they will take all that hard work out of their hands and they'll get no credit whatsoever. So he decides right then that he is going to be the first human test subject the very next day. Against all the scientists better judgement, he convinces them and they shoot him up with the serum.



Its rough on him going through the process. He's screaming that it burns and then he passes out from pain. But then he sleeps for 17 hours. When he wakes up he's his usual cocky self. He gets tested for three days and then they try to turn him back and it fails, and almost kills him. So like 10 days into it, he starts freaking out and getting angry as hell with everyone. He complains that they are keeping him cooped up and won't let him use his "gift". But they know there's no way in hell they should let his ass out. Matt comes up with what he thinks will turn Sebastian back, but it fails, and only makes him madder. Even though they won't let him out, Sebastian is crafty and sneaky, and the first time, he just tells the one guy, fuck you, i'm going out for books and twinkies. He goes home, and sees his hot neighbor that he's always spying on, and he says fuck it, and goes and rapes her. Now, we assume that. Its pretty safe to say that its implied. It DOESN'T say he kills her. But it never really says anything about it again at all. However, I've seen DOOMSDAY, and I know for a fact that Rhona Mitra is a bad motherfucker. And in my mind's pseudo reality Kevin Bacon would've had a hardass time getting anywhere with her. Unless of course he caught her off guard naked and defenseless and he was invisible- ok, ya got me. His dirty Superman/Wonder Woman story comes full circle here. Anyway, he goes back to the lab, acts like nothing happened, and all the scientists are pissed off, and confine him to his quarters. He makes a loop of his own heat sensor making it look like he's in bed (a la HUDSON HAWK, a la every movie with a video monitoring system in it ever made) and sneaks out and busts Linda and Matt fucking. He then snaps and (justifiably) throws a brick through her window. He then apparently has been pushed to the point of no return as we witness him sling an invisible dog against its cage killing it deader than hell. The team watch a video of this and Matt and Linda go to tattle to the general dude.



Unbeknownst to them, Sebastian followed them and after they split (being fired for what they've taken part it) Sebastian drowns the military boss guy (his ex teacher). He then goes back to the lab and has it rigged so that none of the other scientists can leave, trapping them down their with him so he can take care of them and sneak off invisible and care free. He then hunts them down one by one. First he strangles the black chick. I identify her by that because I don't remember her name, and she is the only African American cast member. Then Matt and the "buddy" guy go after him with heat vision goggles. Matt shoots a heat vent and Sebastian is strangling the "buddy" scientist. Matt makes him drop the buddy who busts his head open so bad that the floor is covered in blood. GROSS. Then Sebastian ALMOST kills Matt. The vet chick and the nerd scientist find the buddy guy and the vet chick goes to get blood for a transfusion. She gets scared and throws the blood all over the floor and then covers Sebastian in it and it looks cool. But he snaps her neck and touches her tits (again). Buddy guy dies, and the remaining 3 go to find vet chick. They find her dead in freezer, and Sebastian jumps out and stabs nerd in back with a crowbar and THEN goes for a record by stabbing Matt too, but doesn't kill him. So he says fuck it and locks Linda and a dying Matt in the freezer, turns it down to like neg 100, and then sets up destroying the lab with centrifuges of nitroglycerin. Ok- here's where you must stretch your imagination to its brink- Linda creates a goddamn electromagnet out of a fucking defibulator and some other Macguyver type shit and somehow opens the freezer door. She is a scientist I guess... Then she runs out JUST as Sebastian was escaping and fucks his ass up bigtime with a homemade FLAMETHROWER! Who is this bitch??? He's freaking out as the fire is burning his invisible skin. He's getting away, and then she triggers the sprinklers. Then he almost gets her again, but fucking Matt shows up and konks Sebastian in the head with the crowbar and he slams into a electrical box and gets electrocuted. HEAVY!! Meanwhile they bust ass climbing up the elevator shaft so that they don't get burned up when the lab blows sky high, and sure enough, skeleton & muscles visible, Sebastian grabs her foot on the ladder and pulls her down on top of the elevator. He goes for one last kiss, but then she unhooks the elevator car and he falls into a hellish swirl of fire and chemical toxins. Then the 2 lovers ascend to the waiting arms of cops and medics. Should you see this? Fuck yes. There's a direct to video sequel out there as well, and I'm on the lookout for it.

bad/awesome flixxx review: Videodrome (1983)

"The battle for the mind of North America will be fought in the video arena: the Videodrome. The television screen is the retina of the mind's eye. Therefore, the television screen is part of the physical structure of the brain. Therefore, whatever appears on the television screen emerges as raw experience for those who watch it. Therefore, television is reality, and reality is less than television." - Father O'Blivion

"Death to Videodrome! Long live The New flesh!" - Max Renn

"You'll forgive me if I don't stay around to watch. I just can't cope with the freaky stuff. " - Barry Convex

Cronenberg's hi-tech sci fi horror thriller! A great companion piece to SCANNERS, Cronenberg was the cream of the crop when it came to freaky deaky in the early eighties. A flick that seems like 120 minute dream sequence starring James Woods and Debbie Harry, I present to you VIDEODROME!!!





Max Renn is the sleazy station manager of a low budget Toronto indie television station CIVIC TV. He's one of those guys who'll do anything for ratings and he knows that sex and violence is what the people want. So he's always on the look out for the creepy shit that is his bread and butter. He has a nerd dude who works for him that seeks out fucked up signals from one of those old school satellite dishes with feeds from all over the world. His nerd finds him a weak signal of a torture show from what they think is Malaysia called Videodrome.



Come to find out that Malaysian signal was just to throw people off the scent and the signal was really coming from... wait for it... PITTSBURGH!! So Max Renn is invited on this local talk show (presumably on some other channel). He's a guest with a guy who only appears via televised recorded(?) tapes named Father O'blivion and this hot chick named Nicki (Debbie Harry !!) who is like a radio self help lady. Max Renn immediately hits on her after her only giving a hint that she may be into some wild shit. Good call by him because she turns out to be a fucking CUTTER!!! Whoops! Nothing says head trip as fast as an arm full of cut marks. While they're flirting, the Father basically lays out the way television actually works here NOW in 2012 speaking about television and reality and reality television. PROPHETIC!!



So Max gets his nerd to record some Videodrome. He shows Nicky who turns out to be a straight up full on sadomasichist. She wants him to cut her and then burn her and all kinds of shit. She's super turned on by the torture shown in the Videodrome tape. Max gets so into this footage that he thinks he needs the rights to the show to broadcast it. He tries to get his friend to search it out for him by his friend who sells him shows. She finds out its real shit, and reluctantly gives him the name of the dude who MAY be able to help him get the footage he craves. Father O'blivion!!! Next thing you know, Nicky claims she has work to do down in Pittsburgh and she tells Max that she may go audition for the show. He warns her not to, but he can tell there's NO WAY this crazy bitch is going to listen to him.



Max seeks Father O'blivion. He meets the Father's daughter at the "Cathode Ray" Mission where homeless people are sheltered to watch television. She explains that her father won't meet with anyone in person. But the next day, Max receives a tape that "breathes". He has a vision that a slit is in his own torso. Later we figure out that this is to fit "living" VHS tapes in. He freaks out and O'blivion's daughter tells him her father has been dead for like 2 years, and that his answers will come from a man named Barry Convex. BUT she warns him to leave it all alone, but basically tells him Videodrome is a virus and that he is already infected, but gives him a bunch of tapes of her dad philosophizing crazily. Max seeks out Barry. He finds out his nerd was a plant to get him into Videodrome and to USE him to propagate its own nefarious plans. He tells him that they planned the whole thing and that his hallucinations would only get more intense but they wanted to video them so they may be able to help him. He agrees then has even worse ones. The whole plan is to give brain tumors (the same that killed O'blivion) to the scum of the Earth who would watch such stuff. So then Barry Convex puts a VHS in the slit in Max's chest and it makes him kill all his coworkers and then he goes on the lamb. He tries to kill O'blivian's daughter, but she somehow talks him out of it, and convinces him that he needs to kill the people who created Videodrome to stop it, which means killing Convex. So Max tracks him down and blows him away and his guts just bubble out of him like some alien was inside of him. Plus I forgot that the tape inside him made him lose a gun in his belly, only to find it later and it attach itself to his hand... PLUS that chick Nicky was already dead before he met her (somehow!) and also he killed his own nerd before he got Barry. Finally, he splits to hide on a boat but then Nicky appears to him on a tv that's on this old rotten boat somehow, telling him to kill himself. It shows him doing it, and then guts spill out of the tv, and then he says- "long live the new flesh" and blows his brains out. Should you check it out??? YES man! get on it!! On Netflix instant right now.

Rocknowledgy Episode 32 is UP! Recorded in Minneapolis!!

YO! Alahoyus one and all! Hello to you all from the road! Recorded this week's episode at The Triple Rock Social Club in Minneapolis, MN over the best vegan sloppy joe I've ever had. Thank you guys for the kudos and the love you've shown for the podcast out here on the road. Sorry that the episodes take so long to produce these days... I'll try to do better. But I do have a lovely show for you today with many new jams, some even to me. Thanks to Melissa for making me a mix and turning me on to new jams. Even the best teachers and professors can learn from the students. Not to say that I'm the best or anything... but I digress. Damn. I should've cranked some Prince this week too since we're in Minneapolis, but too late now... Oh well, there's always next time. Don't worry tho, I showed em some love. Download or stream, crank it up and kick back jack. Thank you all from me and the T-6000!!!

CLICK RIGHT HERE to go to the download page, or subscribe via ITunes and get yer jams in a timely fashion!!

Episode 32 Playlist:

T6K- intro,
Troyka- Berry Picking,
The Replacements- I Hate Music,
Larry Wallis- On Parole,
The Walker Brothers- Nite Flights,
The Hellacopters- Baby Borderline,
2Pac- Souljah's Revenge,
7 Seconds- Out of Touch,
Black Eyes- Letter to Raoul Peck,
Wreckless Eric- (I'd Go The) Whole Wide World,
Colonel Abrams- Trapped,
Medications- Long Day,
Lee Fields & The Expressions- I Still Got It,
Dope Body- Weird Mirror,
Death- Scavenger Of Human Sorrow,
The Velvet Underground- New Age,
Guided By Voices- Car Language,
Paul Giovanni- Corn Riggs,
T6K- outro,
Berzilla Wallin - Conversation with Death

bad/awesome flixxx review: The Lord of Illusions (1995)

"I was born to murder the world." - Nix

"You ever watched a man die? If you watch very closely, you can sometimes see the soul escaping. And if you're very quick, you can catch it." - Butterfield

"I've got so much power to give you, Swann. All you have to do is beg." - Nix

"Oh, yeah. I signed on for all of them in my time. Catholic, Hindu, Moonies. You can't have too many saviors." - Harry

now THIS is a pretty sick flick. I had been going light, checking out things on my "never seen" list. Things that weren't necessarily bad or awesome, or both. Just "must see"- "kind of both" type deals. But here we have genuinely awesome yet somehow still bad movie. Equally strange in both areas with a cast of "oh yeah that guy's". A low note on Clive Barker's pole, only because its not as famous as say HELLRAISER, but don't discount this as anything less than an amazing piece of time well spent. The totally beautiful Famke Janssen, ol "Quantum Leap" Scott Bakula, the head military school guy from "Malcolm in the Middle", and the fake brother of Daniel Day Lewis from THERE WILL BE BLOOD all star in THE LORD OF ILLUSIONS!!!





Ok, so the first five minutes of this flick had me hooked. Its the best first five minutes of a movie I've watched in a super long time. There's this dude named Nix out in the desert in 1982 who has a cult willing to die for him. He says he has "the power" and tells them that they should start calling him "the Puritan". The dude is tossing a fireball back and forth. They have a kidnapped girl chained up and some kind of huge monkey, the kind with a painted looking face and a big ass. The Puritan is sicking the monkey on the girl and the cult peeps are smearing blood on their faces. Then we see this car hauling ass toward the compound where they're all holed up. This really creepy young dude named Butterfield with mismatched eyes runs to warn Nix that someone named Swann is coming. Swann & some other EX cult peeps think Nix has gone too far and are coming to rescue the girl. They bust in with guns and split up to confront Nix. Swann finds him and he swoops down from the ceiling and touches Swann making him see his friends as monsters. He drops his gun though and the girl picks it up and blasts Nix through the chest. Then Swann gets this weird magic mask and screws it onto Nix's face and then they bury him in the desert so deep no one will ever find him. Butterfield escapes.



Ok, so fast forward to 1995 and there's this PI named Harry who has a backstory about investigating the occult. He's seen some heavy shit, and a buddy offers him a job that is on the lighter side to get him out of the city and out of his own self contained psychosis for awhile. So he goes to investigate this insurance fraud dude and follows him to a fortune teller. The dude runs out of the place like he saw a ghost almost knocking Harry down, so Harry goes in to investigate. He sees the fortune teller strapped to a chair and stabbed almost to death with a shitload of knives, and then this crazy strong UGLY mongoloid dude runs out of the corner and they have a knockdown dragout fight. We figure out that the fortune teller is one of the ex cult dudes. And then after Harry beats up the mongoloid, we see a dude who is a grown up Butterfield questioning the fortune teller. The mongoloid gets up and Harry throws him out the window where we think "well, that dudes dead". Butterfield runs off as he must often do. The fortune teller warns Harry that the Puritan is coming. Harry tells the cops but they think he's crazy because even the mongoloid is gone from where he fell.



Swann is now a famous magician that does nightly shows in LA, and when he finds out that his bud was killed, he sends his creepy looking assistant to hire the guy that found his bud (at the suggestion of his hot wife, who turns out to be the kidnapped little girl- CREEPY...). So the hot wife puts Harry on the case and invites him to see her husband perform. Swann is performing a new escape trick that night and he fucks it up and gets impaled and dies. Doing some investigating and suspecting foul play, Harry finds the mongoloid and Butterfield under the stage. They try to fight him and Harry fucking guts the mongoloid and he actually finally dies (I believe on accident). So, Harry goes to the "Magic Castle" in LA, which is now an old hotel (in real life). He questions and provokes all the magicians pissing most of them off except this Asian one named Billy Inferno. Billy tells him he thinks Swann was using REAL magic he learned from Nix instead of the normal illusions associated with the trade of "magicians".



So Harry looks for the rest of the people that Swann and Nix used to hang out with. He visits this one girl who was with them in 82, mentions Nix, and she runs out in the street and gets hit by a car. Then he goes back to the wife and questions her till she spills the beans about the whole thing. Then he fucks her. So then a man on fire attacks him, and Harry thinks something is up with Swann's weird assistant. So he checks his coffin and finds out that the body is a fake. Then he sees Swann at his own funeral and follows him into a drainage ditch. Swann is pissed cause Harry banged his chick so he keeps attacking him with magic, but then Harry is like, "come on man, we have to stop this Nix guy...", and so they team up. Butterfield beats up the weird assistant and kidnaps the wife. He convinces the assistant to show him where Nix is buried and then he fucking digs him up and takes that mask off. He takes him back to the old house in the desert and the old gang of cult freaks show up to help resurrect Nix. Harry and Swann show up to try to rescue the chick. Nix tells all the freaks to break glass and get down on their knees and get ready to hear his wisdom. Then he floats with the chick and turns the ground to quicksand and the freaks melt down into it, and then he turns it hard again, killing and trapping them in place, exclaiming that Swann is the only one worthy of hearing his wisdom. Harry in the nick of time saves the chick before she's dropped in a hole, but then Butterfield comes after them. Harry fucking wastes him. Then Swann tells Nix he'll be his dude but Nix is like, "bullshit" and then he gives Harry the monstervision. The chick grabs Harry's gun and shoots Nix through the head and he turns into a demon. Swann & Harry shoot magic at Nix and he falls into the hole brimming with lava. Swann dies, and Harry and the chick escape before the whole house is sucked by a tornado into the ground forever. Should you watch this? Totally. Its on Netflix instant right now. Make it happen. Alakazam!

bad/awesome flixxx review: Jurassic Park (1993)

"Dodgson, Dodgson, we have Dodgson here! See? Nobody cares. Nice hat! What are ya tryin' to look like - a secret agent? " - Nedry

"I'm always on the lookout for the future ex-Mrs. Malcolm." - Dr. Malcolm

"That's not very scary. More like a six-foot Turkey." - Boy

"I don't believe it. I don't believe it! You were meant to come down here and defend me against these characters, and the only one I've got on my side is the blood-sucking lawyer!" - Hammond

Way back when this came out, I couldn't give a shit about it. Its pretty strange, because I've always loved dinosaurs, but this one really seemed like a lame concept to me. Dinosaur island. Great. I'm calling bullshit. Didn't Sid and Marty Kroft already try this back when David Attenborough was competing with Telly Savalas when he was pimping "Mutual of Omaha's WILD KINGDOM"? I figured you couldn't get any better than LAND OF THE LOST, so I said fuck it, and never watched it until a few weeks back. I was wrong. This movie is pretty badass. You have Sam Neill, David Attenborough, Laura Dern, Samuel L Jackson, and Jeff Goldblum AND an extended cameo by fucking Newman from SEINFELD- all starring in JURASSIC PARK!!!

(I made a few mistakes in the original edit of this review. Thanks to Erica Bernstein for calling me out.)





So when the story begins a bunch of workers are unloading crates of some kind of animal to some pens. We of course know its a dinosaur because we either saw a trailer or the logo when the movie came on... let's be real. A worker gets killed. Cut to a scene where Sam and Laura are paleontologists working on an important dig. A few moments later a helicopter comes swooping down and ruins weeks of digging and research. They are super pissed until they see its some fat little guy who offers them a gig that will pay for their next whole year of research. They are psyched. Then they fly to a remote island with the old guy and a few other scientists.



So we have 2 dino experts, a mathmatician (Goldblum), a lawyer who is VERY adamant about making sure everything is up to snuff safety-wise - UNTIL he sees the dinosaurs and utters, "we're gonna make a fortune with this thing." They see a bracheosaurus and are all amazed. Laura Dern stops to help a sick triceratops. The others plan to go view the park in these motorized jeeps on tracks. Also they have to bring along the old man's grandkids. There's some kind of paternal struggle hinted at with Sam Neill. He doesn't like kids and freaks out on one in the beginning of the movie, and is clearly annoyed by the prospect of having to semi-babysit these grandkids while on business. Laura Dern thinks its hilarious that they love him. Meanwhile, fucking Newman has a scheme of his own going on. He's getting paid off by a rival of the old man's company to steal samples of the dino DNA. They create the dino DNA by extracting DNA from blood that mosquitos sucked from dinos out of the sap from 1000 year old fossilized trees. Newman can't get anything done that they need him to do because he's too busy shutting the system down so that he can escape and hacking their network- locking it up- covering his tracks so no one can find out what he's done or even find him until he is long gone and wealthy. Unfortunately he didn't expect or wasn't paying attention to the fucking HEAVY DUTY storm that blows through seemingly out of nowhere.



So Newman bursts out of the park as fast as he can go, turning down all the fences so he can escape. He's shitting his pants to get out of there in a hurry and its storming so bad, he fucks up and drives off into a ditch and wrecks his jeep. He loses his glasses, gets venom spit into his eyes and then gets eaten by a dinosaur inside of the jeep. T Rex gets loose and he smells blood. The lawyer splits from one of the jeeps and gets eaten while he's hiding out in the shitter. The other jeeps are squished and the kids are rescued by Sam. We think that Goldblum is killed but somehow he survives. The scientists and Goldblum escape in one jeep while Sam and the kids hide from T Rex up a tree. They get Samuel L Jackson to reboot the whole park's security grid, hoping it will reboot. He goes to flip a switch and ends up with his bloody arm in Laura Dern's hands while she screams and is chased by these made up mini velociraptors. They are fast and smart and blood thirsty. Also even though they are all females, somehow they are breeding. This is bad news for our heroes.



Getting chased all the way back to the head bunker Sam and the kids escape by the skin of their teeth, hiding in the kitchen and pulling some stealth moves. Turns out the little girl is a "hacker" who knows "linux". She fixes the security grid. LUCKY. Also the little boy almost gets electrocuted to death. In the end, the fucking T Rex actually saves everyone by eating the velociraptors that are about to kill them all. Goldblum helps everyone escape in a helicopter and they tell the old man he's fucked if he thinks they're going to endorse his park. I'm thinking of watching the sequels. You should watch this one. I was wrong about it, its pretty good. I'm sure the sequels won't be as good, but that's the whole point of this column. Rooowwwarrrrr.

bad/awesome flixxx review: Weird Science (1985)

"You're stewed, buttwad!" - Chet

"Gary?... By the way, why are we wearing bras on our heads?" - Wyatt
"Ceremonial." - Gary

"You know, there's going to be sex, drugs, rock-n-roll... chips, dips, chains, whips... You know, your basic high school orgy type of thing. I mean, uh, I'm not talking candlewax on the nipples, or witchcraft or anything like that, no, no, no. Just a couple of hundred kids running around in their underwear, acting like complete animals." - Lisa

This movie rules. There's nothing really bad about it at all. Its deep within our collective consciousness now. Even the furtherest on the edge style hermits have seen this one. Maybe I'd consider the USA television series bad, but this can't be f'd with. The reason I'm throwing it in here is because recently I watched it over and over for a benefit prom party I threw for a buddy. The prom was set in 1986 and the theme was "WEIRD SCIENCE". So there's a bunch of pics in here to follow. Anthony Michael Hall, super on fire hot Kelly Labrock, Ilan Mitchell-Smith, Bill Paxton, and Robert Downey Jr round out the cast with a cameo by THE HILLS HAVE EYES creeper Michael Berryman all in the name of WEIRD SCIENCE!!!!







Wyatt and Gary are the typical high school nerds. And I mean "nerd" in the old school sense of the word nerd, where the only friends you might have are a few other ragtag band of nerds at school that no one else will sit with at the lunch table. Nowadays, I feel like nerds are the most prized. All the glamorizing of nerds over the years paid off, and now nerds get as much ass as jocks. Hahaha. I hate to put it in those "terms"... but that's simply how it is, not only because of what went through the original "nerds" minds, but if you look at movies like this and REVENGE OF THE NERDS, those who were along the social sidelines, were always daydreaming of being popular or being with the "hot" girl or the "hunky" guy. In the beginning of this one, Wyatt and Gary are standing in the gym watching the chicks work out, daydreaming of being popular and scoring with them, when 2 popular dickheads pants them and split making fools out of our protagonists.




Cut to a scene where they are at Gary's house. They have the house all to themselves for the weekend because his folks are out of town (to meet his sister's fiance). The only one they have to watch out for is Gary's older asshole brother Chet (Paxton). They're watching Frankenstein (as dudes tend to do) and Wyatt comes up with the idea of building a super hot girl that will do anything they say with Gary's super nerd computer setup (as dudes tend to do). Not much preparation goes into it, but somehow with a barbie doll, the computer, a few hours boob design, and some ceremonial bras on their heads, they pull it off. Naming her Lisa after a girl Gary was in love with once, so begins an adventure they'll never forget.




Lisa somehow has magical powers to seemingly make anything she needs appear out of thin air. Clothes, cars, fake ids, you name it. She tries to get the boys to shower with her and party her up, but they're too intimidated to do anything. So she takes them out on the town to a blues club and gets them wasted. Chet busts them coming home, and Gary has to bribe him with money not to rat him out to their folks. BOGUS!! So the boys go to the mall with Lisa and the bullies strike again pouring Icee's on our heroes. They piss off their own girlfriends who Gary & Wyatt crush on. The bullies spot Lisa and follow her, she cooly blows them off, but invites them to a party at Gary's. Then she splits with Gary in a sweet Porche.




Gary doesn't want to have the party, but Lisa convinces them that it will give them all the popularity that they want, then she picks up Wyatt at his folks and freaks them out so bad, that Wyatt's dad doesn't even know who he is anymore. Then the party starts and becomes a rager and Gary and Wyatt hide in the bathroom. The bullies girlfriends meet Lisa and she tells them if they get the chance to shower with the boys. They meet the boys in the bathroom on accident and then the boys split outside. The bullies try to convince the boys to give them Lisa, but they explain she's totally loyal to them. But they agree to build a girl for the bullies. But they forget to hook up the doll, and accidentally create a missile in their living room. Lisa is disappointed in the boys. Some mutant bikers show up and start terrorizing the party. The kitchen turns blue. Lisa freezeframes Gary's bitchy grandparents and puts them in a cupboard. Gary and Wyatt finally stand up for themselves against the bikers calling them names and pointing a gun they think is a water pistol in their faces. When the bikers leave the gun goes off showing it was real all the time. WHHHHOOOOOAaaaaa. The boys get the girls. They spend the night with them. All seems well. Then Chet shows up. She sends the boys to drop off the girls, turns Chet into a monster, and then disappears when the boys reveal they have new girlfriends. All the damage goes back to normal just in time before Gary's folks appear from their weekend away. The end. EXCEPT......Where did Lisa go? Turns out she's the new gym coach. All the boys slap their heads and faint. wink to the camera. Very Looney Tunes ending. Merry Melodies even. Should you see this? If you haven't, something is the matter with you. Check it out soon.