Tuesday, June 1, 2010

bad/awesome flixxx review: Cobra (1986)

Fucking H. You know it. You've seen it, and you don't remember it. You need to go rent it again for the first five minutes alone. Its great, it sucks, and its even better than that, all rolled into one. Stallone. a cop. Bridgette Nielsen, a chick, and the ugliest dude I've ever seen yelling "you wanna go with me to hell, PIG?" in- COBRA.

Let me start out by saying, sorry its been such a while. Ive watched some hideous flicks that I have yet to review, but touring didn't allow me a lot of free time these last few months. So we begin this run with Cobra, an old favorite. Some of the lines in this movie are unbelievable, and some are REALLY bad... Some of the shit Stallone pulls in the beginning make you think this may be the best movie ever made. Then thirty minutes later you are like, what the fuck is this? My pop rewatched this guy with me last week, and he made the comment that it came out during the 80s when the production in cop shows and flicks was all the same. The song montage with Bridgette Nielsen herself couldve been straight outta Miami Vice. And what was up with those weird prop robots she was dancing with??? They were terribly constructed (haha). So, I don't think I'll ruin this one with a total walkthru. Let's just say that there's a gang of dudes who hang out in a warehouse somewhere with barrels of fire lit, and they stand around like they are in an old 80s workout video and clang axes and hatchets together in unison. When confronted, they shout about the "new order" and try to kill "pigs" or whatever. Stallone is Sgt Cobretti, and he is supposed to protect this chick who may be able to identify the "Night Slasher" or head of the "new order". Anyway, if you are looking for a badass and cheesy 80s action flick, you gotcherself a wiener here. ***bonus shit*** supposedly Stallone wrote this script for Beverly Hills Cop, but wanted a grittier less comedic movie, and split (according to Wikipedia.) word.

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