Saturday, May 7, 2011

bad/awesome flixxx review: The Evil That Men Do (1984)

"I'm gonna rattle his cage. And when he sticks his neck out, I'll nail him."- Holland

"Human rights violations? There is no such thing. There is only the security of the state and those who'd undermine that security."- Molloch

"I've decided I should keep my opinions to myself."- Rhiana

Found a copy of this in Austin on DVD on tour. I've always been a big Bronson fan, but this was a early 80s number so I was skeptical if it would be any good, but that's the whole point here right? Holy shit, I hit the jackpot. My favorite Bronson flick has always been the Mechanic and of course its a total classic, but I believe I have found THE sleeper Bronson flick. What an incredible movie. I watched it the other night with my pop and we were just howling at how badass ol Chuck was. Not only was it pretty violent, but it was just well written and an all around enjoyable experience. It was directed by J. Lee Thompson (who did the og Cape Fear, and the last 2 og Planet of the Apes flicks). Future WWF star The Great Khali, constant background and/or supporting actors John Glover and Joseph Maher, Jose Ferrar, and Charles Bronson star in THE EVIL THAT MEN DO!!!

So this one begins with an evil dude in a hood explaning to a room full of would be torturers the finer points of electrocution. The guy they are using as the guinea pig just so happens to be a long time journalist friend of our protagonist Holland. Holland is a retired killer for hire spending his days chilling at his remote place on the Caymen Islands somewhere. When word gets out that this dude is killed, this old guy comes to ask Holland if he'll come out of retirement and seek retribution for his old friends death. The old dude brings a bunch of video tapes of all these victims and friends of victims all explaining the most horrific experiences at the hands of someone called "the doctor". One man talks about how they fed his wife her own excrement and then cut out her liver and kidneys and fed them to her. However, Holland turns the man down explaining more than once, "I'm retired".

The "Doctor" is this dude named Molloch who has 4 bodyguards and his sister hanging out with him at all times. He is a master of torture and gets hired by different governments (even the US) to take care of business. He's about to get kicked out of Guatamala so he sends his main bodyguard Randolph to his government stooge Briggs to tell him to pull some strings so he doesn't have to split, because "the air agrees with him there". Meanwhile Holland comes to town as he's had a change of heart. He says he'll do it, but he needs a woman and child to pose as his wife and kid so he can pose as a family man on vacation. The weird thing is he gets set up with his buddy's widow and child. I would have put the kibosh on that right away, but he took em anyway.

Soon as he gets there he starts checking shit out and it doesn't take him very long to get down to business. He tracks the main bodyguard to a bar, then some HUGE dude starts fucking with the widow. He tries to play it cool for a second, but then he grabs the dude- BY THE DICK- and basically picks the dude up by his weiner, puts his foot on his neck, and then squeezes that dudes weiner til he passes out!! Its one of the most intense scenes I've ever witnessed. They should teach that to chicks in self defense classes. The bodyguard is impressed, and they strike up a convo. Holland pretends to be swingers. They get the dude back to their room, and within one minute Holland hucks a fucking knife right into this dude's neck! Blood everywhere. Then he takes him over to the hideout and shoots out the lights and cameras, and throws the body in the street. Molloch sends another dude to ask about what happened, and Holland is there waiting and chokes him out right away.

I don't want to give away everything on here, but basically there's a scene where he makes it look like a dude hangs himself by wrapping a fucking emergency fire hose around his neck and kicking him off a 25 or 30 story building. Then he slips out with the sister. He pulls all these moves that you ask, why is he doing that? Like, the sister gets capped, and he takes the time to bury her before he splits. Me and my pop were like, "fuck that, I'd get out of there asap, why take the time and bury her??", but then later, the goons looking for them think that they still had her. I guess I'm not as smart as a professional killer. He had a lot of foresight. I won't give them all away. His weapon of choice? Sawed off shotgun. Blows motherfuckers clean out of the room!! I say for some badass scenes, an intense ending, and great writing, you should try to find yourself a copy of this one. One of my new favorites!

1 comment:

  1. Nice! I need to check it out. Love me some Bronson.
    That guy that looks like Khali is Miguel Ángel Fuentes, and was in that crap movie The Puma Man and also Deathstalker and the Warriors from Hell, and both were on MST3K. Donald Pleasence was in Puma Man, too.