Sunday, February 3, 2013

Bad/Awesome Flixxx Review: Purple Rain (1984)

"Well, for starters, you have to purify yourself in the waters of Lake Minnetonka." - The Kid

"God got Wendy's periods reversed. About every 28 days she starts acting nice. Lasts about a weekend." - Matt Fink

"Oh, Lord... Either somebody put something in my drink, or you're the finest motherfucker I've seen in ages!" - Morris

A movie that plays like its supposed to be reality. Set in Minneapolis in the 80s, its a film that sets up a rivalry between "The Kid" (Prince) and the Revolution vs Morris Day and the Time against the backdrop of the First Avenue rock club. Most of the performers play themselves, with a little bit of exaggeration in the drama department. Prince, the Revolution, Morris Day, Jerome, Appalonia, and Billy Sparks in PURPLE RAIN!!!

Minneapolis night club First Avenue has a bitter rivalry going down on a nightly basis with veteran performers Morris Day and The Time being shone up at first by talented newcomers The Revolution fronted by "The Kid". When the film begins, The Revolution break into their song Let's Go Crazy. All of the music performed are pretty much extended videos that show the entire song. The movie was written this way to simultaneously capitalize on a musical movie and a chart topping soundtrack. This chick moves from (I think she said) Alabama to Minneapolis to break into the record business. Interesting choice of cities, but I guess they did have something going on. She skips out on a cab and sneaks into the club giving her number for the owner. The kid finishes and The Time go on. The Kid walks into the audience and spots Appalonia (the chick). He breathes down her neck and then disappears.

The kid is a bit of a jerk to his band. The girls have been writing songs and giving him tapes and he doesn't even listen to them. He's got a pretty big ego. He rides a fancy Honda and lives with his parents out in the suburbs. But his folks are completely fucked up. The dad is beating the mom every time he comes home. I think seriously he comes home like five different times and either has to pull his dad away or his mom has split and is found crying somewhere. Its heavy, but looking at him, you wouldn't think he would even live at home. So Morris Day is scheming a way to get The Revolution kicked out of First Avenue. He talks Billy into giving him a chance to put together a different group and sets about finding performers for his female band. Meanwhile the kid has schemed HIS way into Appalonia's pants, teasing her about helping her get a job, even though he really has no intention of doing so. Its pushed home that he really only cares about himself.

So Morris has his group put together, but they need a leader for it, and he decides to try and get Appalonia to do it, and begins courting her. She is hesitant at first telling him that the Kid is going to help her. So she splits and buys the kid a guitar he's been wanting. The kid is bumming because his assholeishness is about to break up his own band. He won't play the girls song and they are getting pissed. Meanwhile he isn't pulling as many people at the club. So Appalonia brings him his gift and tells him she's going to sing for Morris's new project- AND HE SLAPS THE SHIT OUT OF HER. She's pissed and splits and joins the "Appalonia 6". The kid feels bad because he is turning out to be as shitty as his father... who turns out to be a failed genius musician himself.

So Appalonia comes to see The Revolution play and they do this crazy version of "Darling Nikki" and he's screaming at her and Morris and Jerome and like beating off with the mic and making fun of them, and it looks like he thinks its funny, but then she storms off crying and he storms off backstage and throws a tantrum and Billy yells at him and tells him no one even understands his stupid music but him and he better do something quick or he's fucked. Then his dad beats his mom again and then kills himself. The kid is sad and he drives his motorcycle around and then finally he listens to the girls tape. Boom. Then he writes a bunch of singles and almost runs over Morris Day, and I won't tell you the end. You'll have to see this yourself. If you want a big wild story, you're not gonna get it here. If you like musicals, or if you like Prince, or if you wanna see some full pretty rad footage of Prince jamming back in the day, then you should watch this.

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