Monday, April 4, 2011

bad/awesome flixxx review: Freejack (1992)

"The Good Lord always says to turn the other cheek. But he never had to deal with dickheads like you."- Nun

"He Riddles me. The ancient riddle: "What's the point?" Have you ever seen an eagle flying back to his home with dinner for the Mrs. and all the little eagle babies. And he's flying against the wind and he's flying in the rain and he's flying through bullets and all kinds of hell, and then right at that moment when he's about to get back to his nest, he says, "What the fuck, it's a drag being an eagle" and right then two little x'es comes across his eyes just like in the old fashion cartoons. And he goes plunging down, and down and down and BAM. He's just a splatter of feathers and then we don't have the national bird of America no more. Did you ever see that?" - Eagle Man

"I know someone who's trying to bring me in. Goes by the name Vacendak. Well, I got a special message for you, VacenDICK. Fuck you, asshole! No one's bringing me in."- Alex Furlong

"Get the meat!"- Vacendak

I remember this movie from like Saturday afternoon movie theater or some shit from when I was younger. I remember thinking it was a great story, and it still holds up to this day. The funny thing about it was that the main character gets snatched out of 1991 and transported to 2009. And its 2011 now, and its funny how they thought things might look, and its also funny because he was transported 18 years in the future, and its probably been around 18 or 19 years since I've seen this flick. Pretty awesome. Cause there's a point in it where the main character and love interest are talking about their relationship and if it could happen "in the now" (the future) and the chick goes that was 18 years ago. And he goes, well it was just 2 days for me. Makes you think about what if you're girlfriend from 6th or 8th grade popped outta no where and was like we have to still be together. So i had this weird identification with those feelings this far into the real future. Weird. So what do we have? Emilio Estevez, Rene Russo, MICK JAGGER, Anthony Hopkins, and fucking BUSTER POINDEXTER! David Johanson himself in FREEJACK!!!!!

Hard to believe this was made 2 years after Young Guns II. Seems older than it is, maybe because of the crappy imagineering of the future. But don't get me wrong, this is a well thought out tale, no matter what other reviews may lead you to believe. With such star power you would have thought it would have risen to the top. But whatever. I'm not going to give the whole thing away, this is on Netflix instant now, and I'm going to urge you to see it. But I will tempt you with the plot and then ask a few questions for you to ponder after you've seen the damn thing. Freejack is the story of Alex Furlong. He's a race car driver and is about to have the race of his life. It is 1991.

While this tale is unfolding, we are intercut with scenes from the future. Mick Jagger (Vacendak) is riding around a dark shitty looking wasteland city in a red tank. They seem to be watching scenes of Alex's race. It is revealed that Alex is going to crash. As Alex in his timeline revs up the engine, Vancendak and crew prepare to snatch his body out of the racecar exactly one second before he is splattered all over the overpass. Then they will sell his body through an agency to rich people who are sick or dying in the future.

Buster Poindexter is his agent, Russo is his wife, Anthony Hopkins is the boss of the company that are like the bodysnatchers. They call them "bone jackers". There is also a 3rd group of baddies, but I'll leave some mystery there. Alex escapes in the future and when that happens, they call them "freejacks". Hence the title. Pretty great flick. Lots of car chases with (again) more dune buggies, tanks, and a champagne truck. There's a cool ass black dude bodyguard named "Boone". He is played by Grand L. Bush, and he is tough as shit. I was hoping he'd have been in it more. He would've been a good tough partner or something. Also a few years after playing "Honeybunny" in Pulp Fiction or the psycho sister in "So I Married an Axe Murderer", Amanda Plummer plays a nun who's tough as shit.

Ok, so go watch the movie and then answer me this: What the fuck was up with the old bum black guy? The guy who was eating the "river rats"? They call him Eagle Man in some places where I was looking him up, and his character just baffled me. He says all this prophetic shit, and even alludes to knowing something. After all that eagle talk, he says,"They aren't done with you yet Alex Furlong, your journey is far from over." or some shit like that. What foresight was he supposed to have? How did he know his name? Why did they never go back to him? Why wouldn't they just cut that line out? Was it meant to trick us? or confuse us? Well it certainly confused. Why would you have him say that and NEVER show up again at all in the movie? I was sure he was part of something. Oh yeah, I'm pretty sure that dude was in that show The Wire. Yep it was Burrell. He was also in C.H.U.D. awesome. Yeah, Eagle Man. whatever. Watch this one fer sure


  1. I recently watched this for the first time and it blew my mind. Watching Jagger take the city in a tank is something that will stay with me for quite some time. The idea of the future in movies like this and Demolition Man (I'm thinking of course of the Dennis Leary lead underground society) make me want to take a shower and then fight the power.

    PS. If Emilio showed up at my door talking crazy about time travel, he would still sound more together than his brother probably.

  2. I remember when this came out, but somehow I never saw it. Gonna check it out.