Wednesday, July 6, 2011

bad/awesome flixxx review: Stone (1974)

"We'll do what we fuckin like. We're not going to hang round getting knocked off one by one while you smartarse bastards do your investigation routine. "- Undertaker

"Go on now, you're persecutin' a minority religion, now piss off!"- Undertaker

"looks like Jap-crap, whoops, it fell over!"- Blackhawks leader

Well, we could sit here talking about it all day, or you could just scroll down and watch this one for yourself. The whole movie is posted for your pleasure at the bottom of this review. For those of you who just wanna bask in glow of your lappies whilst perusing mine own review, well here we go... This is one that I've been looking for for a good long while. Recommended by our European agent Klaus, it was supposed to be, "you've seen Mad Max, but you haven't seen Stone!!!", and "this is THE greatest Australian film". And finally after watching the Ozploitation documentary- Not Quite Hollywood, I had to actually see this flick. Starring Toecutter and the Nightrider from Mad Max, I present a biker movie from five years earlier entitled- STONE!!!!

The Grave Diggers are a Sydney motorcycle gang. After one of the members (completely tripping balls on acid) witnesses an assassination, three members of the gang are murdered. The Grave Diggers and other gangs in solidarity ride down the coast to bury their fallen comrade "Get Down". While they are there, the pigs show up to hassle them. The leader of the group, The Undertaker tells them to piss off because they're Satanists. They go back into town to one of the bars they haunt, kick everyone ass, and then this dude comes to the bar. The dude is a pig named Stone, and he wants to join their gang in hopes to help find their killer. They tell him to fuck off, but then someone tries to kill a lot of them while he's there. He scares the killer off, and keeps them from getting killed. They vote whether or not to let him ride with them a while. Its 50/50 but they go with it and let him join. They send him home, and say they'll send someone round the next morning.

Stone dates this fancy chick and she doesn't fancy the idea of him running around with trash like the Grave Diggers. She asks why someone else can't babysit the hellions, but he tells her its his job. Basically the rest of the movie she's hassling someone about trying to get him home. Stone gets taken to the Digger's new compound. Its rad and on the coast. The give him his colors, hold him down, and pierce his ear. Then he's in. This one chick wants to bang him, but they told him to lay off the trim. She keeps coming onto him though and she's Toad's chick see? So she causes friction. Stone further convinces them he's cool by drag racing with them through town, and rolling his bike.

To fit in more with the dudes, Stone trades in his Norton, and has his buddy sell him a sick Kawasaki Z1(900) like they all ride. Upon showing it off to the dudes though, they end up in a confrontation with this rival gang called the Blackhawks. The Grave Diggers give them what for and the Undertaker fires a shot in the air and asks them if they want to get heavy. The Blackhawks back down. But this gives the murderers a scapegoat and they set up a hit on the Diggers. You get a bit more beautiful landscape and some more cool bike tricks and then its time for the finale.

Some politician is the one setting up the Grave Diggers in hopes of killing the one who witnessed the assassination of the other politician. They hide out in the graveyard waiting to kill the boys, but the boys are smarter. They surround the graveyard with their own dudes. They catch the would be murderer, but not before Toad ends up getting plugged, and Dr. Death bites it as well. They have the killer, but Stone won't let them kill him, because even though he has become enamoured with the Diggers and feels like he is a part of them, he's still a cop. So he takes the guy in. Then we see Stone with his girlfriend enjoying breakfast speaking kindly of the Diggers. Then they come into his house and beat him within an inch of his life. He tells his girl not to call the pigs. Just an ambulance. Two thumbies up!

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