Thursday, August 23, 2012

Bad/awesome flixxx review: 1990: The Bronx Warriors (1982)

"I work for nobody. I don't care about the Manhattan Corporation! I don't care about the girl, I don't care about politics, I don't care about anything! I believe in nothing. I'm Hammer - The Exterminator!" - Hammer
"You're the biggest son of a bitch in the world. You're afraid somebody might remember you were born in the Bronx?" - Trash
"No, you're wrong. I'm gonna make sure that nobody ever forgets." - Hammer

"You fuck! It could be a pile of shit out of someone's asshole!" - Trash

"Yer playin' with fire." - Hot Dog
"I know, and I love it. I LOVE it." - Hammer

Here we go with another great piece of cinema trash. If you're a longtime fan of WARRIORS, then you'll love this Italian knockoff that was actually filmed in Brooklyn and the Bronx. This is another one of those pieces of art that you've heard about for a longtime, and forever they were hard to get ahold of, but now with things like or whatever, you can usually find a VHS copy for maybe like 6 bucks. If you're into it, go for it, this is a gem. Featuring Fred Williamson, Christopher Connelly, and Vic Morrow in his next to last movie (before he was decapitated on the set of TWILIGHT ZONE: THE MOVIE), I present to you 1990: THE BRONX WARRIORS!!!

Off we go (as so eloquently put in the beginning of the movie) “In the year 1990 the Bronx is officially declared No Man’s Land. The authorities give up all attempts to restore law and order. From then on the area is ruled by the Riders”. The Riders are sort of like the Warriors. I guess they are like any gang, not without their faults. The Riders obviously ride motorcycles with skulls above the headlights. They have sort of an internal power struggle going on between leader Trash, and cocky, bespectacled hothead Ice. Ice wants to be the leader of the Riders and he thinks that Trash pussyfoots around when it comes to dealing with other gangs. He would have The Riders start a war between the other gangs without stopping to think of the consequences. Not only do they have each other to deal with, but this one dude The Ogre (Fred Williamson) is the head of one of the major gangs around has beef with the Riders and is intent on getting whatever it is they owe him back. Basically things are just dandy without any more hassles coming their way. So one day a 17 year old chick runs across the bridge from Manhattan.

This runaway is confronted by a bunch of gang members from The Zombies who dress up in rollerskates and carry hockey gear to fight with. Fortunately for her, and unfortunately for the Zombies, the Riders show up in force and chase the rival gang off, questioning the young girl whose name is Anne. Anne keeps mum about her decision to come into the nastiest part of the country, long having been abandoned by those who job it is to "protect and serve". Trash says fuck it, she seems like a hot piece of trim to him and he takes her for his girlfriend. Anne goes willingly. Now for some reason we don't know about, There's some major heavies including the mayor of NYC that are SUPER PISSED that Anne has runaway to the Bronx. They start organizing an effort to get her back.

So the cops seem to be working for some organization. They send in a dude named Hammer to infiltrate the Bronx and find out where Anne has gone. Hammer follows the Riders to their hideout and immediately starts annihilating motherfuckers from the inside. The Riders don't know what's hit them. They aren't sure if its a rival gang or what. So they ride out following the guy running away, but Hammer escapes thanks to a reluctant truck driver friend named Hot Dog who just wants to get paid. When the Riders come up empty handed, they bury their dead and then have a huge discussion on why they were just fucked with. Anne tries to run away again because she feels guilty that some of the Riders died because of her. Trash asks her why the cops want her so bad that they have actually come back into the Bronx after so long of not giving a shit on what happens there. She fesses up that her birthday is coming up, and when she turns 18, she'll be the head of a major organization that is part of many nefarious schemes across the globe, keeping people in poverty and basically fucking shit up, and she can't handle that kind of heat, and morally doesn't want to be a part of it.

Too bad for her, she gets kidnapped and Hammer gives her over to the Zombies. He pits the gangs against each other until one of his buds tips Trash off that Ice has betrayed the Riders. Now Trash has to convince the Ogre to help him beat the shit out of the Zombies and kill Hammer so that shit will be set right again in the Bronx. This one has it all, Horse cops with flame throwers, judo chicks with whips, motorcycle wrecks, plenty of gang fights, and it all happens in the run down early 80s setting of the 5 burroughs, where you really get a sense that things ARE dangerous, and dudes WERE tough as shit, and if you fucked around, you MIGHT just get your ass kicked. I highly recommend finding a copy of this one, and I'm going to do my best of find a copy of the sequel. Upon further review these last few months, Vic Morrow may just have been a bad guy genius. Get it if you can.

1 comment:

  1. The sequel to this was on MST3K! Hilarious! I actually didn't know there was another one.