Sunday, April 28, 2013

Bad/Awesome Flixxx Review: Death Race 2000 (1975)

"You know Myra, some people might think you're cute. But me, I think you're one very large baked potato." - Joe

"Frankenstein! Frankenstein the legend, Frankenstein the indestructible! Sole survivor of the titanic pile-up of '95, only two-time winner of the Transcontinental Road Race... Frankenstein! Ripped up, wiped out, battered, shattered, creamed, and reamed... a dancer on the brink of death... Frankenstein, who lost a leg in '98, an arm in '99! With half a face and half a chest, and all the guts in the world, he's back!" - Junior

"To recap those revisions: women are still worth 10 points more than men in all age brackets, but teenagers now rack up 40 points, and toddlers under 12 now rate a big 70 points. The big score: anyone, any sex, over 75 years old has been upped to 100 points." - Harold

This is an old favorite, and one that Valient Thorr has shown behind us before when we've played live. Its an amazing low budget flick with young "will be" superstar actors David Carradine and Sylvester Stallone. It was produced by ol Roger Corman and was one of only 2 flicks where he gave up a percentage of the gross to an actor. Carradine got 10% of this one, and I believe the other was Ron Howard in GRAND THEFT AUTO. Anyway, a gory ride indeed, kick back and check out DEATH RACE 2000!!!

In the future, the US has run out of money, and the political climate is dismal. The US has eroded into one bipartisan party that rules the country as a business AND as a church. In this Police State the major form of entertainment that has come forward is a bloody three day cross country race in which racers and their navigators are encouraged to not only kill the other racers, but to run over any pedestrians that get in their way. You don't actually win by being the first to cross the finish line, but you can steal the race by the points you accumulate according to how many and what age group pedestrians you murder. That is, if you finish the race at all... (followed by exaggerated Blowflyesque maniacal laughter)

The country is ruled by a "Mister President" who doesn't even come out in public much except for maybe once a year to give his blessing to the games and the winner. The presumed winner of this year's race (as he's won the last howmanyever years in a row) is Frankenstein, a man who wears a mask because of the extensive damage done to his face and body over course of many years transversing and outwitting numerous racers to be victorious. His competitors are Machine Gun Joe Viterbo (a gangster), Calamity Jane Kelly (a cowgirl), Matilda the Hun (a nazi), and Nero the Hero (a Roman). Each one has a car and navigator designed to fit their persona. Frankenstein's car is a custom Shayla Vette that looks like an alligator. Its pretty awesome.

The year 2000 is the 20th annual race and there is a resistance group that is out to kill the racers and make a stand against Mister President. They plan on kidnapping Frankenstein and using him as leverage. They kill almost all of the racers themselves and even go so far as to circumvent the actual national race footage by pirating a signal announcing their mission, but the government covers this up and blames it on the French (the national enemy of the time blamed for ruining their economy in the first place - and their telephone system). Frankenstein's navigator is the granddaughter of the mastermind behind the resistance- Thomasina Paine (a reference to the American Revolutionary Thomas Paine). The granddaughter Annie is supposed to kidnap Frankenstein but instead she falls in love with him when he divulges that all of his character traits are bullshit made up by the government to have a national hero. Whenever one Frankenstein dies, another takes his place. He doesn't even know how many Frankensteins there have been. His fake burnt eyeball, legs, arms, that's all a sham. This guy doesn't even like the President, but he isn't going to let the granddaughter of some revolutionary chick stop his OWN plans... (more maniacal laughter)

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!SPOILER WARNING !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So Frankenstein plans to kill Mister President himself by using his "hand grenade" but Annie has to use it to kill Machine Gun Joe. Then Frankenstein drugs Annie and Thomascina and her resistance think she is dead. So Frankenstein gets Annie to dress up and kill the President by stabbing him. When Mister Pres goes to shake Frankie's hand, he announces a war against France and appoints Frankie the Minister of War or something like that, but Thomascina shoots her own granddaughter thinking she's killing Frankenstein. Frankenstein then jumps in his car and rams the stage killing Mister President once and for all. Then they get married and Frankie abolishes the race. Then this really annoying sportscaster whom we've seen the whole movie gets in front of Frankie's new car freaking out on him for stopping the race. So Frankie gives the people what they want and runs over his ass. Should you see this? Yup, this is a classic. Enjoy.

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