Sunday, May 5, 2013

Bad/Awesome Flixxx Review: Daredevil (2003)

"Hell's Kitchen is my neighborhood. I prowl the rooftops and alleyways at night, watching from the darkness. Forever in darkness. A guardian devil." - Daredevil

"She's hideous. I don't know if it's a fungus or some sort of congenital birth defect. But, as your attorney in this matter, I advise you to take no further action." - Foggy Nelson

"Business. It's all it ever is, business. I was working for Fallon at the time. Your father was supposed to throw a fight. And your girl... was in the wrong family at the wrong time." - Kingpin

I waited ten years to watch this piece of shit. And you know what? Its just as I suspected, a big piece of shit. Well, I WILL say this, the exact same movie could have been made the EXACT same way and could have come out 15 times better had they used different actors. That's all I will say in its defense. The only real bad part is the acting. Otherwise, its a blind guy exacting vigilante justice on mafia-esque criminals in the same city as Spider-Man, just a different part... I guess. Comic book nerds know the deal, these ARE comic book movies, so - AS MUCH AS WE CAN- we suspend our belief and hope that they don't murder our beloved characters that we've grown up with and spent time with for who knows? Twenty plus years?? Well what can I say? I've seen almost all of the Marvel movies, and MOST of them don't let you down. If you WANT a Daredevil movie, then you're gonna get it. If you want a GOOD Daredevil movie, well I guess you're gonna have to wait to they decide its worth it again, which might very well be never (BUT THEN AGAIN, WHAT DO I KNOW? THEY DID A GHOST RIDER SEQUEL....). Ben Affleck, Jennifer Garner, Collin Farrell, Michael Clarke Duncan, and Jon Favreau "star" in DAREDEVIL!!!

In the beginning its raining and Daredevil falls through this cathedral window into the main area of the parish and a preacher guy comes up to him. Apparently then we immediately flashback to what led up to this event. We are introduced to Matt Murdock, a blind lawyer and his buddy Foggy. They don't make much bread because Matt will represent you even if you are completely broke, as long as you are innocent. And somehow he has a way of knowing... somehow he can sense it. And then, we go into a flashback INSIDE OF THIS FLASHBACK!! MINDBLOWN. Matt's dad was a boxer in Hell's Kitchen, but he got in with some mobsters and starting muscling for them and lying to his son about it. But Matt busted him doing it and ran away only to almost get hit by a toxic waste truck which spilt the shit in his eyes. He wakes up in a hospital freaking out because the waste gave him this crazy sonar where his other senses are super heightened. So he teaches himself to flip around and fight like a ninja at 13 on the rooftops like a young blind Spider-Man.

His dad feels bad for causing his son to be blind so he starts boxing again but refuses to throw a fight for the mob dudes and then they kill him leaving a rose on his dead body. Matt vows to avenge his father's death and becomes Daredevil. Flashforward and Matt & Foggy are eating in a deli and this chick walks in (kind of like Seinfeld). Matt goes after her to ask her name and they start ninja fighting in a schoolyard with a bunch of kids watching. Turns out she happens to be Electra, the daughter of a shady businessman who deals with this other shadier business exec named Wilson Fisk. The underground crime syndicate knows him as Kingpin. I kept thinking the whole movie that it reminded me of the Dolph Lundgren version of PUNISHER, because its a badly acted dark Marvel vigilante hero movie. Makes sense that both The Punisher and Daredevil fought against the Kingpin. Anyway Kingpin has it out for this Mr. Natchios and he hires a crazy badguy named Bulleye to come do the job.

Bullseye is a nutjob who never misses at anything be it darts or killing people. Matt falls in love with Electra and they get invited to this big shindig. There is a reporter there who is trying to find out dirt on the Daredevil. Then Bullseye shows up. Daredevil thwarts his first attempt to kill Natchios, and really pissed Bullseye off (because he claims to NEVER miss). But he eventually kills Natchios and frames Daredevil for it. Electra was there and she even thought that Daredevil killed her father. So Daredevil splits and sleeps in his weird coffin. The reporter finds Matt/Daredevil's stick at the coroner's and figures out Daredevil's identity but doesn't rat him out. Then Daredevil goes to fight Bullseye. He shows up but then Electra kicks his ass and rips off his mask realizing she's made a mistake. But she hurt him so bad it would take bit for him to recover. Meanwhile she had to fight Bullseye herself.

So Bullseye kills Electra and is about to finish off Daredevil but the cops show up tipped off by the reporter dude. So he splits and Daredevil does to and falls through that church window bringing us up to speed with the beginning of the movie. The preacher knows him and tries to help but Daredevil says get outta here and finally he does once Bullseye shows up. (A weird side note: At one point Bullseye tells Kingpin he'll kill Daredevil but he wants a costume. I guess he's just making fun of Daredevil because he never puts one on. I thought that was weird because in the comics he totally wears one. whatever.) So they fight and Bullseye figures out that clanging the organ fucks Daredevil up and he can't hear or see or anything when he makes loud noise. So he uses that to get an advantage till Daredevil uses his sonar to pull Bullseye's hands in front of a sniper's bullet. Then Daredevil finds out that its Fisk who killed his father and is behind this whole thing as well. So he goes to kill him and fights him in his office where its raining like hell because they punch out the windows way up on a high floor of this skyscraper. Fisk starts whooping his ass even rips his mask off and finds out his identity too (Dude needs a better mask). Finally Daredevil overpowers him but doesn't kill him. Sends him to the slammer and says he'll be waiting when he gets out. Fisk swears he'll tell everyone Matt's secret, but Matt says yeah right, who's gonna believe you let a blind man whoop yer ass. Then he finds a locket like Electra's but with braille on it, so we assume she's still alive. End. Should you? No. There are plenty more superhero movies you can spend your time with. Nothing special here.

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