Sunday, May 26, 2013

Bad/Awesome Flixxx Review: Tremors (1990)

"Cold, my ass, he's dead! We killed it. We killed it! *FUCCKKKK YOOOOUUU!!!* - Val

"There's no way Walter Chang's getting his slick mits on this for no 15 bucks." - Earl

"I think I have a plan. Why don't we throw a bomb the way we want to go and then when it goes off, we run like goddamn bastards!... Pardon my French." - Rhonda

Man, this is one that I just missed out on forever. Now a great cheesy cult horror classic, this one had tons of names, used to be's, and almost was's! Kevin Bacon, Fred Ward, EGG CHEN!, Reba McEntire, and Michael Gross (FAMILY TIES) star in TREMORS!!!

Val (Bacon) and Earl (Ward) are handymen in a very small town in Nevada. They are trying to get out of town because they can't really save any money that only has fourteen residents. Finally one day after getting shit sprayed all over them they decide to pack the junk they have in the truck and split. They meet up with a young graduate student who's studying seismic phenomena in the area. On the way out, things keep happening that send the guys back into town. First off, they see an old man way up on an electrical power tower. Val figures he's drunk and goes up to bring him down. He soon realizes the old man is dead and dried up. They take him back into town figuring he died from dehydration after being drunk.

Then Val and Earl go see this dude named "Old Fred" who is a sheep herder. The only problem is all of the sheep are slaughtered and old Fred is dead and his head has a bed in the...dirt. He was dead, whatever. So they think a killer is on the loose and they go to tell the rest of the people in town. They tell these two road workers and then something grabs one of them by the drill and pulls him in the earth, and the other dude gets crushed beneath a pile of rocks. So Val tries to call the police from their town (Perfection), and the phones are dead, so they try to make it to the next town over (Bixby) to get help. Unfortunately there's the rock slide blocking the way and they are now trapped in town. They get ready to go back to town, but Val has the truck trapped in the rubble (he thinks). Back in town at Walter (Egg Chen)'s store, they see that some kind of underground snakes were wrapped around the back axle of the truck. That night, an old man and his wife who are building a house out in Perfection are swallowed up by the snakelike creatures, station wagon and all!

So Val & Earl set out for help on horseback the next morning and some of the snakes attack them. They turn out to really be 3 tongues that are hooked to a giant wormlike creature. It chases them and they run into the grad student Rhonda who is still out there with her readings. The giant worm dies when it crashes into an underground retaining wall and they figure out that there are 3 more of them in the area. One of them traps them out on some rocks because it can feel them move. They are blind but feel through vibrations in the land. So they spend the night on the rocks and escape to the truck in the morning by pole vaulting from rock to rock until they reach it. They get back to town but no one believes them until one of the worms busts through the ground and steals Egg Chen and sucks him into the ground. They then all rush into their homes and the store and up onto their roofs.

So the couple with all the weapons are back in their house and they hit everyone up by cb. They manage to kill one of the worms but another is tearing their underground bunker apart. Back in town, the foundations of the buildings are being torn apart and Val and Earl quickly realize the worms are going to eat them by making the town fall down around them. Suddenly they have an idea about dragging a tractor trailer bed with a bulldozer. They get it going and pick up the couple with the weapon supply. Then they head off into the desert. They THEN get trapped on more rocks because the worms become smart and dig a trench that foils their bulldozer plan. Then they start throwing bombs at the worms and nail one of them. But the last one is much more crafty than the others and it takes them a bit to come up with a spontaneous plan to off it. Finally, Earl urges Val into going for Rhonda who is kind of heinous. Should you? Why not? Its nothing special, but a pretty good stoned out watch.

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