bad/awesome flixxx review: Black Dynamite (2009) & Ninja Assassin (2009)

growing up, after cartoons were over on saturday mornings, the local tv stations would have matinee theater all afternoon, starting with something like "mega monster" theater, then "black belt" theater, and then maybe a blaxploitation or other genrecentric film. And I lived for them. So even though I don't often review newer flicks here, I thought I'd package both of these together since they are kind of reminiscent of the past for me. A Blax spoof/sendup and a ninja flick. here we go first with: BLACK DYNAMITE!



This movie is almost fucking perfect. In every way. They never slip you a wink or a nudge like, "haha, we're poking fun". Its very true to the Blaxploitation flicks of old, yet, spoofed in a smart way. This one I totally recommend, so as usual Ill spare you the walkthru, and just give you a brief synopsis: Black Dynamite is one bad mother. He is ex-CIA, a veteran of Nam, and generally just holds shit down, and handles business in Hollywood. When his brother is killed by the same dope fiends who are putting "a new drug" in the hands of the orphans, its just too much for Black Dynamite to take. I want to tell you more, but, suffice to say, his travels are hilarious, and the cameos are hilarious as well. A+++ dudes, wish I could say the same for this next flick...



I don't wanna start of shitting on this movie right from the beginning, as the fucking thing starts out awesome...but, well, watch the trailer. a bunch of unknowns in NINJA ASSASSIN.



Ok... my problem here is not the ass-kicking and dare I say "riki-oh" influenced gore. My problem is the need for the director (whoever) to throw in the goddamned love story. And its light at best... but for christsakes... We're talking about a ninja movie here. These dudes are supposed to be SOOOOO badass, yet they have ample opportunity to waste the chick and her fucking DUMBASS boss time and time and time again, yet somehow, they come away unscathed. I guess these ninjas are that badass after all. So, let's see, I'm halfers for it. The blood and carnage is great, but they even CGIed most of that too, so its kind of shit. I caught myself going, "oh shit!" or "goddamn!" a couple of times, but like i said... its a ninja movie! I should have been saying that over and over again. Do I need to do the plot thing? Little kid gets kidnapped into ninja organization. Years later, chick investigator uncovers centuries old plot where governments pay these clans to assassinate peeps for them. Kid could be the baddest of them all. His girlfriend is in the clan too. She rebels. They kill her. He stays with them, till he's had too much, then vows revenge. Years later, he gets it. Ho Hum. watch Black Dynamite instead. or Youth in Revolt. I know i didn't review it, but its hilarious. word.