Wednesday, August 3, 2011

bad/awesome flixxx review: Munchies (1987)

"You don't know what L.A.'s like! It's like New Jersey with earthquakes." - Cecil

"I don't have time to stand here and discuss snack food economics with the likes of you two." - Cecil

"Well, what choice do I have? Either be a cog in the wheel, or starve like a dog." - Dude

Wow. I thought this was supposed to be awesome. Whoever told me this was an awesome flick is full of shit. Granted, it fits perfect here, and I was super psyched to pick it up for a dollar the other day in The Good Neighbor Shop (the very first thrift store I ever went into years ago). But as far as awesome goes, the only thing I remember thinking "awesome" about this was when it was over. Pretty much a low budge GREMLINS ripoff, this one double stars Harvey Korman as a "space archaeologist" and his evil "snack food king" twin brother. I thought it was going to be like "Stoner Gremlins" and that's why I was excited about it, but I'm pretty sure these little dudes didn't even get stoned once. A bad flick about some bad little dudes, I present to you MUNCHIES!!!

So when this begins Simon Watterman and his aspiring comedian son are exploring the ruins of some ancient temple in Peru. Simon owes somebody some money maybe a mortgage or some shit, and he's trying to prove the existence of aliens so he can pay off his debts and become rich at the same time. His son wants to move to LA but he forbids it. They stumble across a small statue that comes to life once its struck by lightning, and they decide to take it with them and stuff it in their sack along with a sample of some glowing green liquid, and head to the airport.

Once they get back to the US, they meet up with the son Paul's girlfriend Cindy, and head home. They are accosted by Eddie the local yocal young cop, and then finally arrive home. Once they are there, Simon instructs Paul not to let anything happen to their little creature and to be careful with him for if they fuck up, he'll be broke. Little do they know that Simon's evil twin with sweet hair, sweet mustache, and even sweeter pantsuit is evesdropping on them, and wants desperately to get one over on his brother so he has to sell his land to him. I guess that's what the money trouble is. He's in the hock and his brother wants to shit him out of his birthright. So Cecil cons his stepson Dude into helping him kidnap the little Munchie by now named Arnold by Paul & Cindy after Arnold Ziffel the pig from Green Acres.

Paul and Cindy go to bang upstairs and Cecil and Dude kidnap Arnold. Arnold is sneaking around eating peanut butter, and they bag him. Cecil goes to pick up his wife Mavis, and leaves Dude in charge. Dude only wants to listen to Grateful Dead bootlegs, so when he's not paying attention, Arnold tries to escape. Dude doesn't like it, and tries to attack Arnold, but Arnold gets pissed and turns Super Munchie. Dude cuts him in half (but for some reason he's in four pieces). Those pieces turn into four Munchies! And they already know English and how to swear and they like naked girls and partying! So yeah, they escape after killing Dude.

Then we end up having a big chase for the Munchies because they steal Dudes car and are shooting guns and running cars off the road, spying on chicks. At one point they break into a video rental store, and Paul throws one into a TV set. It turns him back into a statue. So Paul races around and tries to tell Cecil and everyone not to cut them, but too late, SEVEN Munchies! Finally, somehow, down in the sewers, they transform them all back somehow, and Cecil gets in trouble for making snack cakes out of toxic waste. Fucking GARBAGE. Awesome Garbage.

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