Tuesday, August 30, 2011
bad/awesome flixxx review: Danger: Diabolik (1968)
"I was expecting you, Inspector"- Eva
"Sure I do, who could forget what she looked like? The way she was decked out in red she looked like a mini cardinal. She had good legs."- whore
"Valmont, no this is just bad manners." - Diabolik
Another fucking epic film attached to Dino De Laurentiis. It seems like I've reviewed more films that he's produced than any other producer. Starring John Phillip Law, the angel dude from BARBARELLA, here we have the European comic book anti-hero/thief/killer in a swinging 60s romp that is part Bond part Austin Powers part Batman. Austin Powers was obviously influenced by this movie, as well as little known indie flick CQ. An Italian badguy wins tour de force, I highly recommend DANGER: DIABOLIK!!! (Check out both those awesome posters!)
One of my only beefs with this flick is half the soundtrack. If there is action going on, or like a car chase, we have this manic spy type music that fits perfectly. BUT if we have scenes of Diabolik with his beloved Eva, you have this very lame french pop song with this chick singing, "la, la, la" over and over and over again throughout the movie. That's about it, and its not that bad, just a little repetitive and grinding on the mental. Beyond that, this fancy gem of a flick starts out with Diabolik stealing 10 MILLION bucks from this dude Inspector Jeanco. Obviously Diabolik does this shit all the time, because Jeanco was stressing hard and had a full on escort trying to get the bread out of whatever country they were supposed to be in. I thought England, because they mention Parliament but it doesn't really matter. They sent out fake rigs with fake bread, and STILL Diabolik sniffed em out by the docks. He smokescreened them and split out in his sleek black Jaguar.
The cops give chase in water-style helichopters and Diabolik heads into a tunnel where he has his supermodel girlfriend Eva waiting in her WHITE Jaguar. They put a brick on the gas pedal or something and run the black one into the ocean, and double back heading down into a (very complex) secret underground HQ where instead of putting his loot into his safe, Diabolik spreads the 10 SUPERLARGE onto his revolving couch and fucks Eva all night. His underground lair is like something that Batman only wishes he had. I like the fact that Diabolik is basically a badguy that we are all pulling for to win and fuck the cops over. The next day, the Minister of the Interior is fired after holding a press conference that Diabolik disrupts by taking pics with laughing gas coming out of the camera and the whole thing is televised making the Minister look like a fool.
Jeanco knows he can never catch Diabolik so he blackmails known overlord Valmont into helping him catch Diabolik. Its Eva's bday, and Diabolik decides to rob this old lady of this famous Emerald necklace. He dons a white suit, scales a tower, steals the necklace and eludes the pigs by using an old catapult up on top of the tower. Later, a hooker spots Eva and she is kidnapped. They tell Diabolik to bring the bread and necklace to a spot and then take him up in a plane. They are about to make him jump out of the plane and be delivered to the cops, but he grabs Valmont at the last minute and throws out a capsule that makes the plane explode. Cornered with no means of escape, Diabolik uses the 11 emeralds as bullets and shoots them out of the shotgun into Valmont killing him, and then seemingly kills himself. Jeanco is pissed that Diabolik is dead, he can't believe it. Then when they are about to do the autopsy, BANG, he comes back alive. He had taken a pill that slows your heart and makes it look like you're dead. Escaping once again with Eva, Diabolik dresses like an old man and recovers the emeralds from the creamatorium where Valmont has been burned up. He thens dashes out to escape right before the pigs catch him again! Then he goes swimming with his babe!
Ok, finally, they offer up a million bucks to anyone bringing Diabolik in. He says fuck you and blows up all the government tax buildings. That's why I think I like him the best. A big FUCK YOU to the IRS for sending me ANOTHER bill for $8.03. STICK THAT 3 CENT UP YOUR ASS!!! He really stuck it to them. The the country is bad off, and they decide to sell off gold to buy some cold hard cash. They melt it into this huge ingot and try to transport it by train. Diabolik blocks the road and they have to back up and go across a bridge. HE BLOWS UP THE FUCKING BRIDGE!! HA! Then they have this rad yellow sub-boat thing and they use balloon ballast things to float the train car. They take it back to his hideout and he dons a fireproof suit to melt the shit down. Only here's where he fucked up: Jeanco used some radioactive stuff in case it got stolen, it would leave a trail back to his hideout so they'd be able to get all the goods back. It worked and they catch Diabolik with his pants down. There's a shootout, and the train car explodes showering Diabolik with hot molten gold. In the end, the suit saved his life, and he has this sinister ass laugh as the movie ends, with us wondering how the hell he's going to get out of this one. Very nice. From what I've heard, a great adaptation. But I can't tell, because I can't read German or Italian, and that's the only way I've ever seen the comics. I recommend. Dig it.