Saturday, December 15, 2012

Bad/Awesome Flixxx Review: Miami Connection (1987)

"Listen to me. I don't want to have any trouble. I just get the job from agent. Don't bother us." - Mark

"They don't make buns like that down at the bakery." - Tom

" This doesn't look like the welcome wagon." - Tom

This was a real treat. It's not everyday that you get the chance to see a resurrected piece of "cinema trash" in a beautiful old theater and hang with the director. I first heard about this movie only a few months back when Alamo Drafthouse decided to pick it up and give it limited release in select theaters across the country. Less than a month ago I heard they were going to give it a midnight showing at the legendary Byrd Theater in Richmond, Virginia. I thought for sure I could find someone who would want to go with me, but I ended up checking it out solo and couldn't have had a better experience! It was everything you want out of a bad/awesome movie: unintentionally funny dialogue, blood, ninjas, new wave synth rock band that are also blackbelts, the list goes on. Grandmaster Y. K. Kim wrote, directed, and starred in MIAMI CONNECTION!!!

Ok, so from what I can tell, there's a big drug smuggling operation going down in Miami that is using a local gang to distribute up in Orlando. They are using a biker gang to be enforcers up there, and they are using ninjas on top of that if the bikers fuck up. Some of these gang members have a gig at a local bar with their band. This band loses their local gig to this new hit sensation group Dragon Sound. They are a bunch of Tai Kwon Do blackbelts and are also students at the University of Central Florida in Orlando. Somehow a deal goes wrong and one of the head dudes in the drug game flies out from somewhere in Asia, its hard to tell where from, because they dubbed him with Sly Stallone's voice. He comes out and invites one of the head gang dudes to his local dojo to find out what happened.

It turns out that whatever happened first doesn't matter anymore, because now one of the members of Dragon Sound is banging the gang leader's sister and has asked her to join the band. She's singing for them now, and the gang dude doesn't like it. The head Asian ninja dude tells him he better take care of it. So the gang dudes try to surround Dragon Sound, but DS kicks the shit out of them. Then the band that lost their gig tries to pick a fight with the boys, but they too get their asses kicked. So the band gang tells the local gang they should team up and then after we learn of Jim's father's disappearance (one of the funniest scenes in the flick) the teamed up gangs try again in vain to beat up Dragon Sound.

All the while this is going on, Dragon Sound are hanging out in their underwear together in a very non believable hetero way. They jam at the club on the reg and their songs are completely classic. "Defeat the Ninja" and "Friends till the end" are the best. You would think with so much going on, these tai kwon do masters would fall behind in their studies... but NO! They are seen going to and from class having a super fun time! This really is a weird fucking flick. Finally the head dude comes out and says no more bullshit, and then he gets killed in a street fight. The dude in the band banging his sister is like, "sorry", and she's like, "it's okay, I know it had to be done, whatever." !!! Insane.

Finally the Sly Stallone Asian guy goes out with a ton of bikers, over to one of their parties, and they're all drinking beer off the titties of all these gross chicks, and the best part was when I was watching this in the theater, and everyone is laughing, and there is this dude and his 8 year old son in front of me, and the dad is looking over at the son, and trying to gauge how much trouble he's going to be in with his wife, or if he's going to have to have a conversation with him on the way home. You could almost read his mind. He just busted out laughing as hard as he could. It was great. Then the Sly Stallone guy is sad because his general is dead and then he sends the ninjas after Dragon Sound and they fight in what looks to be some public park, but its so rad. Arms getting chopped off, full on katana blades. It's incredible. And, I'll save the ending for you because its too great to give away. Ok, yes, yes, find a copy and gather the boys, this one is soon to be one of the all time classic "WTF" flicks.

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