Monday, December 27, 2010

bad/awesome flixxx review: C.H.U.D. (1984)

"I know your work. You go by the name of being alive and you are dead. They have the power to shut the sky! They have the power to shut the sky!!" - Val

"Are you kidding? Your guy's got a camera. Mine's got a flamethrower."- Bosch

"Cooper, you son of a bitch. I'm in jail. I only get one phone call. You think I wanna waste it talking to some goddamn fucking machine?"- baglady

Man, this is a horrible flick. I remember watching it when I was younger. I think I watched it around the first time I saw House as well. I know there's a sequel, and I think I saw it around the same time, however, I couldn't remember shit about either one of them. There's not really a lot to tell about this one. I accidentally turned on the commentary halfway through, and even the people who made it, and the actors were bagging on how bad it was. But the thing is actually full of names. Daniel Stern, John Heard, and a super early cameo by John Goodman (the same year he played the cop in Revenge of the Nerds) in- C.H.U.D.!!!

So, in the beginning, this chick is walking her dog, and a monster grabs her from a manhole. This lady turns out to be this police chief Bosch's wife. He is becoming involved in the beginning in a coverup by the city to suppress rumors about monsters living in the sewers, but once his wife disappears, he starts investigating on his own. He visits Daniel Stern who is a dude who runs a soup kitchen named AJ Shepard. Shepard claims like 12 of his regulars who live in the sewer haven't shown up in days. While all this is going on, a photographer who hates shooting models now, and wants shoot homeless people has discovered the shit is going down as well.

Then his wife gets pregnant, he visits some injured homeless people, and Bosch investigates some more. They find out the NRC or nuke regulatory commission has forbidden the city to tell anyone whats happening. Meanwhile more people keep getting eaten. We finally start seeing the CHUDs with the giant glowing eyes. CHUD turns out to stand for cannibalistic humanoid underground dwellers, and due to pressure the head cheese caves and after they find a dead CHUD, they decide to close off the city and gas the fuckers, even if it kills the homeless.

The goodguys have big problems with that plan, because you shouldn't kill the homeless. And they go to tell them. AJ, and the photographer get trapped in the sewer. Some reporter gets snatched up, and they are trying to find a way out. Then the photographers wife finds a dog's head in her basement! Also she's pregnant. I forgot that part. So then she decides to take a shower to wash the dog's head memory from her brain, and the drain is stuck, and for some reason not explained, she pokes a hanger into the drain to unclog it, and gets sprayed all over with blood. Its hilarious, and like I said, the actors are all making fun of it when I turned on the commentary, and they had a bunch of rewrites apparently. Anyway, then she's like sitting on the bed. Daniel Stern says, " yeah, she's just had blood sprayed all over her, so she's just sitting there- refecting." I should start watching these with the commentary on more. Its kind of like the old MST3K days. And makes them a bit more bearable to watch. A bit...

So then what? The head nuke dude is pissed. He tries to kill the cop, and I don't know. Anyway, I think those guys got out. Whatever. Watch this one if you want. But get stonish first. Because its pretty good, but really bad. Worth it. Just for the weird cameos, and the shitty plot. The CHUDs kind of look like shit. I think I'm gonna watch part 2 though. Excelsior!

1 comment:

  1. Thanks for taking the time to do reviews. These are a lot of fun. 80s horror is the best.