Thursday, December 23, 2010
bad/awesome flixxx review: Class of Nuke 'Em High (1986)
"But what about the Fellini festival?"- Warren
"Warren - fuck the Fellini festival!"- Chrissy
""Holy shit, what is all this green stuff?"- Toxic worker
Alahoyus everyone! Came home to my earth parents for the holidays, and dug out some old VHS favorites! I've always been a fan of Troma since I first landed here on Earth. I'm pretty sure one of my first experiences with them was a flick from 1983 called The First Turn-On... sort of a raunchy teen summer camp flick. After that, I discovered ol Toxie himself in Toxic Avenger. I was hooked. These guys, especially in the old days knew how to make a quality low budge film. Some of the new ones are incredibly painful to sit through, but this follow up to The Toxic Avenger is sure to make any fan of toxic waste, punk rockers, and 80s teenage lust go apeshit! Many of the same actors from the first Toxie flick return in CLASS OF NUKE 'EM HIGH!!!
This is the story of Tromaville High School conveniently located a quarter mile from the Tromaville Nuclear Power Plant. Tromaville, being the nuclear waste capital of America (and looking extremely like Jersey city) has had its share of trouble lately. Pat Healy stars as the fat asshole head of the plant who doesn't want to get in trouble when the shit goes down and a pipe bursts at the facility leaking deadly toxins into the neighborhood and down the street into the basement of the school.
This may or may not be the reason that all of a sudden last month, the honor society decided that the school could fuck off and they'd start dressing like a cross between punk rockers, aboriginees, and fucking looney tunes characters. Some of their outfits are very strange. One dude who carries a bone around with rings in his nose has this large mouth guard in his mouth for most of the flick. Its distracting to say the least. Another one has a fucking rubber rooster comb on top of his head. That dude by the way has the funniest scene in the flick, when he asks this secretary if anyone ever told her to knock when she enters a room, then he spins around with a fucking M-16 and pumps her full of lead. She falls backwards ramming the door, and then falls in a heap in the office outside. Its ridiculous and you can see a few seconds of it in the trailer above. It doesn't really do it justice though, because the humor comes from being in the moment. Why does that guy have an M-16 in the first place?
Anyway, besides the punk rockers or "Cretins" as they're referred to, there are Warren and Chrissy and their friends. Warren is too chicken to pork Chrissy, and his buddies are gunning for him to do it. So they buy some weed from the Cretins, thinking this will loosen him up. The weed they buy is called "Atomic High", and the Cretins buy it from some of the workers at the Nuclear plant who grow it in the toxic waste barrels. Awesome!! So, as soon as they smoke it, Chrissy wants to fuck. They do, and then they feel sick. Chrissy gets pregnant, and vomits her nuke baby up into a toilet at school that gets flushed into the basement. Warren goes on a rampage and wastes some of the Cretins.
After that, the Cretins plan on getting Warren back, get expelled from school, and then they say fuck it, you can't stop us, and plot their revenge. All the while the nuke baby is growing in the basement. I'll save the details, because you all should DEFINITELY watch this one. Its class out the ass. 2 thumbs and 1 tail up in the air!