Friday, December 10, 2010

bad/awesome flixxx review: Phantasm (1979)

-"Okay. I see it, I see it all now. What we gotta do is we gotta snag that tall dude and stomp the shit out of him, and we'll find out what the hell is going on up there. Yeah! We lay that sucker out flat and drive a stake right through his Goddamn heart!"- Reggie
-"You gotta be shittin' me, man! That mother's STRONG! "-Mike

-"You're sure it wasn't that retarded kid, Timmy, up the street?"- Jody

One of my all time favorites here, another by Don "Beastmaster" Coscarelli. This is a horror classic that I've watched many times over the years. It seems to get better and better, yet no matter how many times I watch it, there are still scenes that no one can seem to explain. Coscarelli filled the movie with a bunch of weird shit including a silver ball that flies across the room at lightning speed, stabs you in the face and drills into your forehead shooting blood all across the room. Come to think of it, the fucking title doesn't even really make any sense. Angus Scrimm, Reggie Bannister, tons of great lines, and a bunch of nobodies in- PHANTASM!!!

So when the flick starts out, this dude is banging this heinile chick in a graveyard, then all of a sudden she stabs the shit out of him, and turns into this hideous old man. Next scene this dude Jody is going to his buddies funeral, and he runs into his buddy Reggie who drives an ice cream truck in town. Then you see Mike hauling ass across the graveyard on his dirt bike. He keeps having trouble starting it. So Jody is back in town after him and Mike's parents were killed. Mike is freaking out and following Jody around because he knows that eventually that Jody is gonna hit the road again soon in his badass car and get the fuck out of their podunk town where everyone is getting killed anyway. Mike starts seeing weird shit right away. I'm not going to give away the plot here, because everyone should see this flick, but there are weird things I'd like to comment on.

-I love the flying silver ball. When it stabs into the one dude and he pisses himself, that is the definition of classic.
-I don't understand where and who or what was going on with Mike hanging with the chicks in the antique store.
-Jody and Reggie totally fucking jam.
-Why did Mike not go back to the creepy chick and her psychic grandmother?
-Why didn't he freak out when that black box appeared and then disappeared? I would have at least asked "what up wit dat?"
-The score is really badass. Kind of John Carpenter style

The Tall Man is one of the creepiest aspects of the movie. What I really don't understand is Jody and Mike's need to investigate this shit. Who gives a shit? As soon as I saw any of it, Ill be damned if I'd head back into the basement of that fucking masoleum. No way jack. Whatever, I could go on and on, but you should just watch this one for yourself. And when you see The tall man walking in slow motion down the street, and slow down and stop when Reggie opens the ice cream truck, then you will know the meaning of creepy. Two old skeletons thumbs up.

UPDATE!!: I didn't wanna give too much away on this one, so I neglected to give a proper plot summary... but ol Sadat Thorr had this to say (which I think sums it up perfectly, and is a great addition to the review):

"This movie has the greatest storyline of any horror movie...tall creep steals corpses..shrinks em down...reanimates them...then sends them through a portal back to his home planet to use as slaves.....classic!" - Sadat Thorr

Thanx brutha!


  1. My big brother used to FREAK ME OUT with this one when I was a kid. I need to check it out again...

  2. I've always wondered what the fuck is wrong with those two. I see some dude doin' fucked up shit and I'm not after him either.

  3. Turns out they made a sequel to this in 1988. I'd love to see a review for that one too.