Tuesday, November 23, 2010

bad/awesome flixxx review: Gleaming the Cube (1989)

Alahoyus broskeetos. This was a favorite growing up. Sure there's some totally unbelievable stunts and a couple "why the fuck did he/she do that" moments... but this one holds up pretty well. With a shitload of famous old school skaters in the mix, like Tony Hawk, Tommy Guerrero, Rodney Mullen, Gator, Mike McGill, Mike Vallely, Natas and others, they make Christian Slater look pretty good his board. And even now when you're older and the belief is not as suspended as it once was, its still pretty funny to see those dudes ripping it up with that fucking funny ass wig on. I'm proud to wax philosophically about: GLEAMING THE CUBE!

The movie starts off with a 16 year old dude named Brian Kelly (Slater) skating with members of the Bones Brigade onto the tarmac of John Wayne Airport which was way smaller back then. They get a young pilot to fly them over Orange County to look for empty pools to skate in. They find one, and then start skating it til one of them eats shit. Then the cops come and take Brian home. Apparently not the first time, and we get the picture that Brian is somewhat of a trouble maker.

At home Brian is sort of the opposite of his adopted Vietnamese brother Vinh. Vinh is perfect and has a hot Vietnamese chick, and a good job. The only thing is, he finds out some shit about the weight of packages sent out by his employer, who is his chick's dad. Col. Trac is helping this dude Mr. Londale ship weapons to the Rebels in Vietnam so they can fight the Communists or something like that. Anyway, its illegal, and he tries to make Vinh feel like he's wrong. Vinh is bummed, and goes to investigate. They bust him, take him to a hotel, and then one of the "storm" dudes from Big Trouble in Little China who works for the Col, accidentally chokes and kills Vinh. They freak out and make it look like he hangs himself.

Fast forward, and Brian isn't buying any of their bullshit. He finds a paper that Vinh left, and goes to figure out this shit on his own. While looking around, Raiden the "storm" dude sees the list, and follows him, loses him, freaks out, calls the Col. and Mr. Londale demanding flight back to Nam. Brian hides in his car and the Raiden dude drives out to an orchard. Then he pulls a gun and says he's not fucking around. Then a fight ensues, and Raiden gets shot and they are even deeper in shit. Brian escapes and runs to tell the cops.

I'm not gonna give away the end here, but here's a few things: I was wondering if Tony Hawk still has that badass Pizza Hut truck? Does anyone know that? Can anyone ask Tony Hawk that for me? Tony do you have that Pizza Hut truck? and can I borrow it while I'm in Cali next month?

Also... When Brian is trying to find out shit about Col. Trac, why does he hit on Vinh's ex girlfriend? Why doesn't he just be straight up with her? Seems kind of sleazy, and really a fucking longshot in real life that she'd actually want to go out with him after she just lost her boyfriend i.e. his BROTHER!?! Nahm sayn?? But she just jumped right in. I was blown away. High school girls are sluts. Find this and watch it with your bros. Eat Doritos, and Pizza Hut.

1 comment:

  1. Hawk does revisit that role in Hook-Ups 2001 skate video "Destroying America" although with a twist, Tony is still that delivery driver and is now disgruntled, smoking, drinking, and well, destroying shit. It's actually a pretty funny video if you don't mind the sexism and campiness.

    Props on the review, I always thought that movie was rad/funny.