Monday, November 29, 2010

bad/awesome flixxx review: Lolita (1962)

Double shot today. I watched this a week and a half ago, and didn't get a chance to put it up, but now you get double the waste of time for the day! A total creepster classic with an amazing cast. I feel like I saw almost every movie Stanley Kubrick made growing up except for this one. I totally blew it. Sometimes the Melvins play movies before they go on, and I've seen them play Lawrence of Arabia before their show. When we were on tour with Mastodon this spring, Brann was talking about them playing this when he saw them last, and we ended up watching some of it in North Dakota before the show. I heard one line that made me have to go buy a copy and watch it:

"here you go dear, its "loaded" with mayonnaise just the way you like it."

I fell on the floor hearing this description of the sandwich Humbert Humbert had prepared for Lo. Adapted from Vladimir Nabokov's novel, I am very psyched to bring you Shelley Winters, James Mason, an incredible Peter Sellers, and an unknown Sue Lyon in one of Kubrick's best: LOLITA!

The film starts off with an old dude busting in on a mansion with a pistol in his hand yelling out a name. The dude he's looking for uncovers himself from a sheet on a chair and is still drunk from the apparently wild party from the night before. The drunk guy is Clare Quilty (Sellers) and the shooter is Humbert Humbert (Mason). "Are you Quilty?" "No, I'm... Spartacus. You come to free the slaves or sumpn?" Quilty tries to get Humbert to play table tennis with him unsuccessfully until he realizes Humbert is gonna shoot him. He then starts playing Chopin and suggesting they write a play together. Then Humbert shoots him.

Then we flash back 4 years, and ol Humbert is gonna spend the summer before he starts teaching in Ohio in New Hampshire. He's looking for rooms to rent and he meets Charlotte Haze (Winters), and she's flirting it up with him and she's like a sexually frustrated widower. He's putting her off, until they check out the garden out back. He takes one look at her daughter and is like, "how much?" Creep city.

So this old geezer falls in love with Lolita, and the mom is still trying to swoon him. She gets pissed and is gonna send Lolita off to camp, and the day she does, Charlotte leaves a letter for Humbert saying if he doesn't want to hang and marry her, he's gotta split. And he's reading it and laughing his ass off, but for some reason THAT I CANNOT FATHOM, he fucking actually marries her!!! The only reason I can see that he did it is so that he can be closer to Lo. The creep keeps a secret diary of his lust. Then one day, Hum is getting fed up with Charlotte's shit. She's fucking crying and whining, and he actually thinks about shooting her and killing her.

But he can't do it. But then she finds his diary, and freaks out. He goes to make some drinks, and then all of a sudden, she runs out in a rain storm and gets hit by a fucking car! LUCKIEST SONOFABITCH EVER!!! He personally goes to the camp and pulls Lo out, and says something has happened but doesn't tell her she's dead. Now Lo just so happens to be a totally dirty lil scoundrel herself and decides to flirt and eventually bang ol Humbert at a hotel he takes her to.

So, while they're at the hotel, an old friend of Charlotte's this movie star dude Quilty notices Lo, and goes on a plot to steal her away from stupid ol Humbert. He's smart and he basically hounds him and dogs him right and left and eventually steals Lo away and drives Humbert insane. The flick is rad. A creepy quality that lacks in modern films. I haven't seen the remake but I heard it was a bit dirtier. They couldn't make this one super dirty because of censorship at the time. Im gonna go ahead and highly recommend this one, especially if you're a dirty ol creep.

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