Thursday, October 6, 2011
bad/awesome flixxx review: Dead Alive (1992)
"Story goes, these great big rats come scuttling off the slave ships and raped all the little tree monkeys. The natives use them in black magic rituals. Don't ask me how, probably suck the blood of virgins, eh, eh?" - Zookeeper
"The Devil's among us! Stand back boy! This calls for divine intervention! I kick ass ...for the Lord!" - Father McGruder
"Ahhh, so you found your father's old stag movies, didn't ya? Is that the one with the donkey and the chambermaid?" - Uncle Les
Considered one of the goriest and bloodiest movies of all time, Dead Alive is a New Zealand comedy/horror masterpiece. Its worth owning the flick for the last 15 minutes alone. Originally titled BRAINDEAD, and directed by Peter Jackson (LORD OF THE RINGS, MEET THE FEEBLES) this is one of the best zombie movies that exists. I like it because they never really specifically call them zombies, and its never discussed as a zombie movie, its usually discussed as a gore flick. There's SO MUCH blood that it makes maids blush and weak men's bellies gurgle. A cast of unknowns (at least here in the states) star in DEAD ALIVE!!!
The story begins with a dude on Skull Island capturing a Sumatran Rat-monkey (born from tree monkeys raped by plague rats). He outwits the natives and ditches his guide on the way out of the wild. But hitting a rock, he falls back into the jeep and is scratched by the monkey. The other dudes cut off his arm, then his other one and then just kick his ass out of the jeep. The disease carrying monkey makes it overseas tho, and is taken to a zoo in New Zealand. Meanwhile our protagonist Lionel has the very shitty job of caring for his widowed mother who has the shittiest attitude ever. He meets this Latin lady (Paquita) who falls for him because her grandmother read her some tarot cards.
Lionel is burdened by tasks his mother gives him to do. She's a very shitty person, and we don't like her right away. Lionel takes Paquita on a trip to the zoo and his mom comes to spy on them. She leans back too far and is bitten by the rat-monkey. She screams and then squashes the monkey's head. Here is one of our first displays of ramped up gore. They take her home, but she is really mean to Paquita, and so Lionel starts giving Paquita the cold shoulder so he doesn't upset his mother. Man his mom had him so whipped! GROSS! Ok, so then, his mom starts spurting gross fluids and her skin is peeling off, and she's basically dying. He calls a nurse and the mom tries to kill her. He's hiding all this shit from Paquita. Mom escapes and his hit by a bus. Everyone thinks she's dead now, so they are going to have a funeral for her. Lionel has been shooting her up with tranquilizers and tries to do so when she's in her coffin. He ends up rolling with her on the floor during the funeral service. Then he has to dig her up after she's buried to give her more tranqs. A gang of thugs come calling and are bitten by mother. The priest is some kind of fucking karate champ, and basically they all end up zombies that Lionel has to take care of.
Lionel's shady scheming uncle comes by and is only interested in trim. Well that, and shitting Lionel out of his mother's house and fortune. Once he sees stiffs in the basement he tries to blackmail Lionel into giving him everything. Lionel goes to speak with Paquita's grandmother. She gives him a necklace to ward off evil. Paquita and Lionel have a falling out because he keeps dodging her to conceal his actions. She starts dating the milkman. Lionel by now has a whole collection of zombies in his basement. The preacher and nurse fucked and within a day (somehow) made a zombie baby. There's a very cool scene where Lionel is walking the baby in the park trying to see how other ladies take care of them. The baby makes a fool of him tho, escaping and he has to beat the baby to get him back under control. The looks he gets from the ladies are hilarious. Finally Lionel thinks its time to kill them all, and his uncle Les tells him to bury them or else. So Lionel shoots them all up with poison. But it turns out to be animal stimulant. The bite was from a rat-monkey initially so it only gives the zombies more power.
Just as all this is going down, Uncle Les and all his greaser mod friends show up for a rager party he's throwing. Paquita walks by and bails on the milkman to see what up with Lionel's party. Then finally Paquita learns what happened. The zombies all escape the basement and attack the guests creating hundreds of zombies. Paquita, Les, some chick with glasses, and Lionel have to battle the zombies in the bloodiest finale of all time. Lionel and Paquita kill all the zombies except one, and then Lionel must face his GIGANTIC mother, call her out of her secret bullshit, and then literally be "reborn". Lawnmowers, a living endocrin system, gallons of blood and more make this a classic beyond classic of the genre. These pics are only a taste of the madness. This is a MUST SEE. Do yourself a favor. Go for it.