Saturday, October 8, 2011
bad/awesome flixxx review: Surf Nazis Must Die (1987)
"I wanna buy a gun... Keep talkin' white trash, but I'm more interested in something that'll take the head off a honky at 20 paces!" - Mama Washington
"Taste some of Mama's home cookin', Adolf!" - Mama Washington
"Slime-sucking Neanderthal! How dare you question my loyalty?" - Eva
You guys are messing with a tried and true Troma fan here. I have always loved Troma movies whether it was staying up late to watch THE TOXIC AVENGER on USA's "UP ALL NIGHT" with Rhonda Shear (or maybe Gilbert Godfried) or watching CLASS OF NUKE 'EM HIGH on Joe Bob Brigg's DRIVE-IN THEATER on The Movie Channel as a young dude. Either way, this is one of those Troma flicks that fell by the wayside for me. I never saw it until recently, and while my love for Troma hasn't faltered, I believe this flick to be somewhat of a let down. It's not THAT bad, but its not THAT good either. A host of terrible unknowns in a boring flick known as SURF NAZIS MUST DIE!!!
I guess they can't all be winners. This one begins with a terrible earthquake that rocks the California coastline. We are informed that the devastation is unbelievable. Surf gangs on the beach begin dividing up the coastline to decide who's turf is who's. Its pretty confusing as to what is going on a for a little while. And there is a lot of stock footage of dudes surfing some amazing waves. Most of these waves look big enough to be like North Shore waves in Hawaii. BUT... I guess if a crazy earthquake happens, no one really knows how big they'll be along the coastlines of the US.
We immediately find out this asshole guy who calls himself Adolf is getting his gang together and forming them like a new reich movement. He's enlisting young ass kids, lil skate rats, and dumb high school guys like Smeg. He has a very ugly inventor guy on his team named Mendala, his ugly girlfriend Eva, a mercenary tuff guy, and some rouge guy named Hook. They're all dicks, and they have something going on with a biker gang. The main biker is named WHEELS!! HA! And I have no idea what they were doing with him. Maybe buying supplies? Anyway, there's also this old lady who gets put in a home by here son Leroy. She doesn't want to follow the rules and she starts gambling with the old ladies in her nursing home. We are led to believe she's way tougher than she seems.
Ok, at some point the nazis kill Leroy and then the shit is on. Whatever pact they have with the other 3 surf gangs has been annulled. So they kill the Asian gang, and they kill the preppy gang, and they kill whatever the other gang is. More stock footage of surfers. There's no real murders that actually happen out on the surfboards. The guy Mendala built this switchblade surfboard, but they don't even use it. It was a 15 second sight prop!!! BOGUS! Anyway, Leroy's mom is super bummed. She goes to the funeral and then she vows revenge. Now truly- the surf nazis MUST DIE.
So Smeg's mom won't let him leave, but he's got information. He is flirting with two chicks on the beach and Leroy's mom is staking out the beaches where old ladies have been getting their purses snatched. She here's Smeg say the N-word. Then she slams him up against a wall where (interestingly enough) a King Crimson album cover is painted like graffiti. Eventually she arms herself with a gun and a grenade and takes out the neo-nazis one by one. She gets down to Adolf and Eva, and she basically kidnaps a dude in a boat and makes him go after them on their surfboards. She runs over Eva's head. DECAPITATION! and then Adolf kills the boat captain. When she turns around to get him, he jumps aboard and she- quick as a cat- sticks the gun into his mouth and pulls the trigger. Then she rides off on a motorcycle cackling like a maniac. The only thing I really like about this movie is the weird menacing keyboard soundtrack that repeats over and over again. Its the only thing that really sticks. I'd say skip this one because, really, there's only thousands of other movies that are a better investment of time. Excelsior!